Entry #58 An-DRE has finished repairing my Crusader. Oh yes, I've taken to these mechanised walkers "Crusaders". Now that it is repaired, it is quite the sight to behold. Intimidating, yet noble. Threatening, yet elegant. An-DRE managed to restore some extra power by replacing a broken part in the Crusader's generator, and the Ion-Shield operates at full capacity. It's an interesting mechanism, a deployable energy shield directed in an arc wherever the pilot, or Knight Crusader as I will henceforth call them, wishes it to be directed. It does help with the open-topped nature of the Crusaders. Now, however, I must undergo the process of selecting specific Knights to become the Knight-Crusaders who will pilot these formidable war machines. It appears that my work will certainly be cut out for me. The Knight-Crusaders will need to be honourable, valiant, noble, honest, and trustworthy to wield them. I do not feel Ser John is an adequate candidate, especially with his temper. Viola may be, but she is yet to prove herself as a Knight. Sanguine is by far the worst candidate in the entire Order. In fact, I would prefer Skarti to have ownership of a Crusader over Sanguine. Not that I want Skarti to have one at all either, but still... I spoke to Ser John briefly. I still hold contempt for him in my heart, although I still truly identify him as my friend. I cannot bring myself to discuss the way his irreverent demeanour about this whole operation is affecting me, nor how he is taking me, and my actions, for granted. It is cold. Not even the fire of mine hearth warms me. I hope the sun rises again soon.
Entry #59 This 'April Fools' holiday bemuses me, but rather than ignore the festivities I decided to get involved. I only wish I could be around to see John's reaction to all the unicorns I placed in his room. Hah-hah-hah!
Entry #60 The Castle Dungeons are almost complete. Well, at least, the prison area. I hope they'll never have to be used, but that's an unlikely possibility. I also converted part of the Castle into a dining hall. VI.ola suggests that we hold a ball there to celebrate Taranis' completion and opening to the public. It sounds like a good idea. I'll speak to Ser John about it. I'm for it, so long as John actually helps with the planning and invitations. And VI.ola will need to teach me how to "waltz". I've never danced before. She tells me it is similar to moving in combat. We shall see. It is odd to be experiencing these sort of noble formalities for the first time. For all I know, I may have been a skilled dancer before my memory was wiped, or a lord, king, baron, duke... I am somewhat glad I am not in such a position now. I do not know if I could cope with it.
Entry #61 So. I had my first waltz lessons with VI.ola today. It was... Strange. I found it so much like combat movements. Mirroring your opponent, tracking their movement. Circling them. But instead of keeping them a safe distance away, you hold them close, embrace them in the dance. VI.ola complimented me on the speed in which I learned, and for a while we continued the basic steps. By the Sun, it brought out a most peculiar feeling which I... I don't believe I have ever quite felt before. A curious sensation of a tickling, in my abdomen... It was quite the experience. I dare say I quite enjoyed waltzing with her. Anyway, at this rate, I shall be thoroughly prepared for the Taranis Ball.
Entry #62 Stars of the Sun, I had another confrontation with John. It started when he inquired as to what I was looking for in the Knight-Crusaders I will be hiring. Part of my shortlist of the requirements of the Knights made him swiftly realise he would not be an eligible candidate. When he inquired as to why the '2IC who rammed one through an Apothecary's wall gets one", things swiftly escalated. I stated I had little other choice. He responded that at least they did not break the Fountain. It's not about the sun-damned fountain, it is a matter of principles! You do not fight your allies, in your own home, when there is absolutely no reason to do so! I laid into John a fair bit. More than I can honestly say I should have. My irritation bested me, and upon my way back to my bedchambers, I requested VI.ola accompany me so I could vent. Along the way, we discovered Big-Mech harassing Skarti. Stealing his belongings, making a general nuisance of himself. I was instructing him to hand the stolen goods back, and re-read the Laws of Taranis, when he knocked himself out temporarily before rebooting. I repeated myself, he made a snide comment, attempted to smash his head with a bottle again to knock himself out, so I caught his arm, disarmed him from the bottle, twisted him into an armbar, and VI.ola and I escorted him into the dungeon. I will check on him on the morrow, and if he has sobered, he shall be released after being made to understand how unacceptable his actions were. What concerns me more than this though, is the seething rage I felt at the moment of his snide remark truly concerns me. It is so unlike me to turn to such strong emotions, to feel anger such as this. I am worried for my own wellbeing. I confided as such, and more about my concerns with John, with VI.ola later, as she sat across my desk. I do not know if it is right to trust her as much as I have, but I have little other choice. May the Sun illuminate my path once more... Praise be to the Sun, bringer of life, light, and warmth.
Entry #63 I cannot handle this. Sanguine and Evan were bloodied and unconscious at the Apothecary's, the window was shattered, and I don't care. SharpTooth almost attacked a new guest of Taranis, then she locked herself in her room with her own daughter and attacked her, and I don't care. John is too focused on SharpTooth and FireLeaf to notice that Taranis is falling apart around him, and I don't care. Sanguine is missing and Evan is still unconscious, and I don't care. I knew this day would come, and it did, she really should have waited and calmed down. Sharp will probably cry herself to sleep and so she should, but now I'm so faded. Taranis is a disaster, and I don't care. I feel weak and useless, and I don't care. I'll pretend to be jolly, and I don't care. ...Praise the Sun...
Entry #64 Atlas arrived today after being MIA for so long. He underwent some repairs with Reboot. I will update the roster. John talked to Bloodrazer. His threat was idle and there was no danger. Sharp was being paranoid. I was right. How about that. Don't listen to Astora though. He obviously doesn't know what he speaks of. Ever.
Entry #65 Plans for the Ball are going ahead. Many people have responded and will attend. Yet this does nothing to elate me. Nothing is fixed. I will likely need to imprison or punish Evan and Sanguine for their actions. They have both broken Sections 4 and 5 of the Laws of Taranis. I have not spoken to John all day. He is likely still serving as moral support for SharpTooth, perhaps in an attempt to show affection. Futile. He will long outlive her. Perhaps I will speak to him on the subject at some point. Everything was going so well, and now all this. I need more time to think, to recover, to comprehend and accept all that has occurred.
Entry #66 Sparred with Ser Atlas today. His combat routines are top-notch. He got past my guard a few times. That's rare. I ended up defeating him as he fell for a faint stab, which turned into a sideways slice at his leg. He stated it was the first time he had lost in one-on-one combat. Some humility is necessary to bring the best out of a Knight. There is some commotion at the Sun's Landing. I shall go to check on it.
Entry #67 There is nothing left for me here. Viola... The one person I thought would never let me down... And she immediately ignores what I had asked of her, and once I walked away, continued her unacceptable behaviour. I returned to find her moments later, continuing to abuse poor Rossse simply for being a Floran. I asked Rossse to leave... Told Viola that she had let me down, that she was the only one I had left to hold that to until now... And walked away. It pains my heart to know that there is not one person true to me, that none of my friends hold me dear enough to them to show me the smallest amount of respect. None here listen to my counsel. None here pay heed of my accomplishments, in the Order, in the Tribe... Everything I have done, for all of them, has been taken for granted. There is nothing left for me here. ...Someone knocks at my chamber door. Probably to ask something of me. Let's see then.
Entry #68 Praise the Sun, I feel alive once more! To put it briefly, it seems that Viola felt great guilt in her actions. She brought a cask of wine up to my chambers, and we drank and spoke. I cannot quite remember the details, but by the morrow I awoke in my chair to her rapping at my desk. It appears she took up my bed for the night, perhaps we were too inebriated... But as it turns out, we both feel similarly. And as a result, we are now courting. Ah, how elated I feel.. Praise the Sun. Truly.
Entry #69 A lot has occurred of late. I revisited Oscar, the planet I awoke on. The ruins had crumbled and buried the catacombs, and there was nothing left. It is odd, yet I feel no anguish for this. It is as if a chapter of my life has finished, and now I begin one anew. I shall return to Taranis on the morrow. I would visit Aiko Yori's grave once more, to pay my respects for her, and the journey had.
Entry #70 I returned to the Castle looking as clean as the day it was first constructed. It seems Remilia's maids have been busy. It is good to see someone takes their duties seriously around here. I shall compliment her on the work she and hers have done. Preparations for the Ball are almost done. Which reminds me, I need Vi's assistance in painting my armour. I also need to teach her in the proper usage of a shield... I vow to do as such tomorrow.
Entry #71 Eventful day. I awoke early to be writing, as I found it quite exciting, upon the massive Tome of all Taranis' laws, when Vi, her casual gown flowing, every bit as glowing, rippling with beauty, same as the days before, came gently a rapping, tapping on my chamber door. "Enter" I muttered, only this, and nothing more. Through the door she then advanced, as behind her the sunlight danced, casting shadowy ghosts upon my chamber floor. Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, "My dear," said I, "I've got quite the day in store. I shall teach you how to wield, your best defense, a shield, and you shall learn all I have to teach, just as I swore." Hand-in-hand we walked, and all the while talked, as we approached the Courtyard, de-weeded the day before. When slowly I then ceased, suddenly quite pleased, with the location we then stood before. Verily, I turned to her speaking, "This location, as I was seeking, is just what we require for." Thusly we began training, until the light was fading, fading down beyond those hills as it had done each night before. The soft silence was broken, as Viola then had spoken, "You will not deflect this blow, amour!" Suddenly she came barging, with her shield up she was charging, before swiftly stopping, close to me once more. She had dropped her shield and sword, in the center of the court, and opened her arms in an embrace, a trap I wouldn't fall for. I scanned her for hidden blades, and kicked her sword away, knowing her too well, she'd definitely have more. I conceded and held her tightly, she then proved me rightly, tapping the side of a small knife against my helm's fore. "Look harder next time", she spoke. I'll remember thus, forevermore. Presently, Sanguine did approach, saving me having to encroach, into his home. He knew the score. I announced his crimes clearly, and for a moment felt that nearly, he regretted harming Evan, causing pain and gore. Yet then he came forth laughing, as if his crimes were nothing, and his heinous actions, he would once again ignore. Down into the gaol, where which the air was stale, Sam was locked away by word of the Law. He demanded he have a beating, and continued thus repeating, 'til Viola stepped in and gave him what for. I exited the dungeons, as Vi began to bludgeon, and of blood his wounds did pour. Only this, and nothing more.
Entry #72 Idiot! Idiot idiot idiot! It was not the right time, nor the right place. I am such a fool!
Entry #73 The terrors of the night invaded my mind as I slept. I was walking down the corridors into the dungeons, much, much longer than I ever recall them being, moving deeper and deeper into areas that are yet to be built, until the scene shifted and I somehow walked out into the castle courtyard. The Taranis Ball had only just begun as I entered the dining hall, when screaming banshees and wraiths came wailing overhead. Yet none but I sensed them, saw their grotesque faces and vacant stares, their gaunt figures where it seemed as though there were none. And suddenly they united and sped towards me, colliding with mine helmet with the fury of a thousand suns. I fell to the ground with a clatter, yet I watched on as my vision sank beneath the floor, spectating my own body still there, as if the impact had knocked my very soul from me. All the while I drifted in a darkness, as if I had fallen into an infinite body of water, sinking further away. I saw Viola screaming, saw John charging to my side, saw the guests look on with fear. And then they were gone, and I was alone in the black depths of nothing. I began to fall, fall through nothing as colours and light began to flitter past, until I awoke. Ah, 'twas nothing more than a night terror.
Entry #74 I no longer have any desire to use this journal. Not since the events of the Ball, not since... I discovered the truth. This may very well be my final entry, and it is written by a body I feel is not truly mine own. For I am... Human after all.
Entry #75 "And who are you", the proud Knight said, "that I must bend the law? Only a chief of a different race, that's all the truth I know. With blood of oil, or blood of red, a Knight still has his sword, And mine is long and sharp, my friend, as long and sharp as yours." And so he spoke, and so he spoke, that Sun-Knight they will fear, And now his friends, weep for his heart, with no-one there to hear. Yes now his friends, weep for his heart, with not a soul to hear.
