(( WOO OOC SHOUT OUT TO SUPER CUTE/COOL/BOMBTASTIC/RADICAL ART YAY LOOK AT THIS PERFECTION, COURTESY OF @Aleiksei And this super duper doodle from @TD. that was probably intended to kill me by exterminating my oxygen supply KAY ALL DONE BACK TO JOURNALS))
April 26th... no wait it's the 27th HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY CRAP I WAS JUST BUILDING STUFF AND DOING MY JOB I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING SPECIAL WHY DO I DESERVE THIS shit christ fuck holy balls I don't know if I can handle it. It's not even that big a step up what am I freaking out about but GAH IM FREAKING OUT ANYWAY Alright deep breathes Abbey, relax... alright... Anyway I've been so busy trying to avoid death that I haven't been able to write as often. Hell. This place is total balls, and it's not getting any less muddy or wet That might be an exaggeration . But seriously, always coated head-to-toe in mud and wetness and occasionally blood, this is just gross and uncomfortable. I do NOT look good painted with mud. BUT. At least there's a brightside to all of this. I was living off instant noodles for the last few days, but then, suddenly out of nowhere, while I was rummaging around storage I haven't had that stuff in forever! I'm gonna make sure to stash all the boxes away and save it all for myself. If I wake up and it's gone I'm gonna cry and walk right up to that desert village with my hands in the air and a big "stab away" sign tied to my chest. ... ... I really don't know what was going on with the silly string thing an hour ago.
April 27th I found some markers in the storage for some reason! Maybe I can use these to make my doodles not look so messy. Hmmmm This is pretty much how all of Josh and I's talks go now. I'm so bad at this, I get all quiet and stupid and awkward. Why am I being such a little bitch, this is stupid. I'm such a trainwreck Enough of that, shut up me! I WANNA GO HOME. I'm so sick of all this mud, and if it wasn't for this gear, I'd be 99% bug bites 1% Abbey. When we ship back to Marathon, I'm going to take the longest shower of my life. Screw it, maybe even a bubble bath. Too bad I don't have a bath Right. Time for the important stuff. MUR's fixed up, for now. His left arm could fall off at any second, I really need to get back home and give him a serious tune up. His whole hull is pretty much grey at this point, so much for the recent paint job. I spent most of the morning patching up the bullet holes, and trying to repair the damaged cabling as best I could. Unfortunately solder and electric tape only does so much, I need to full on scrap his guts when this is over. Don't worry buddy, I'll fix ya up good as new!
April 27 MUR. You're so god damn FAT. Ugh. You're like a high maintenance boyfriend. So much work ((Magic Future paper plays gifs. Nah this is totally IC a still image I was just screwin around don't hurt me))
April 27 I AM HOME IM HOME HOLY SHIT IM HOME I MISSED MY CHAIR AND MY BED AND HN I'll never leave your side again Mr.bed I'm sorry. Please forgive me. It's time to take the best nap of my life.
April 28th What is wrong with me what am I thinking. Why can't I stop being a little stuttering bitch and just SAY something. Anything, TALK ABOUT THE WEATHER OR SOMETHING ABBEY I DONT GIVE A FUCK. I've never been that good at talking to people, but at least I COULD talk to people... why is this any different for me Guess I should go back to fucking high school
April 28th What do I do what do I do this is too much I don't know what to do I've been struggling this whole time trying not to be a little bitch, to talk to josh and just get it off my chest but now this happens I didn't see this coming I didn't think he felt that way why would he holy crap what do I do now Well... I guess fraternization is wrong... and as Josh said, he's my superior... and he's sorta scary.... Maybe this is for the best
April 29th I can't stop thinking about how weird it was to have someone sharing my bed last night. I've never slept beside someone before. Though I was sorta freaking out at first... luckily he fell asleep pretty much the second he laid down, so it gave me time to breath and relax... All of this is so new to me, I hope I don't screw everything up.
April 30th I have to do it. I can't push through this anymore, I have to accept that I'm just not strong enough I hope they don't make this hard. I hope it's as simple as filling in some papers and walking away With everything that's happened, everything that's happening, I just can't be here anymore... But where do I go now? At least I have a tiny bit of money to my name, it's better than nothing I... I wonder if he'd take me in... I wouldn't want to impose... I don't know, maybe I don't think I'll be able to say goodbye. I didn't spend much time talking to anyone here, they were all so close knit and friendly together, I didn't want to try and butt in But still, I liked being around everyone while they shared their laughs and jokes and stories, I think I'll miss it I'll pack my things and find the Vice Admiral as soon as I can... I hope she doesn't get angry
May 1st I haven't had any time to doodle or write in you forever Did you miss me ? No wait, you're paper. I think I'm happy. I don't know for sure. I mean, this place is sort of ... a dump. It's run down, dusty, dry, hot, windy, and pretty dirty. Plus, I'm not exactly making any money now... so living isn't as cushy as it was back on marathon But I'm happy I've never talked or spent time with someone like this before, and for the time that he's around I sorta forget about all the crap going on. It's like some sorta drug for my head, and that's the best kinda drug. I think everything would be almost perfect if it wasn't for that loud obnoxious yelling guy. He's so scary, I freak out when ever hes around. Yelling, call me a cunt like some douchebag. I feel if I say anything bout it he'll get pissed and shoot me though, so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut... I think he might be a good person though, underneath it all. He doesn't seem BAD... he's just sorta marbles. I wonder how everyone is doing back at marathon. I'm starting to feel bad for leaving like that, but it's for the best. I didn't fit in, I wasn't a soldier. I must have made everyone uncomfortable with my ..... me-ness. I'm sure they're happy that I'm gone, so I guess there's that. At least you made em happy Abbey. I bet Josh already forgot my name, and that's okay... I think it's better he forget who I am, I'd rather him forget me than hate me.
May 2 I really don't have much opportunity to open you up lately, huh? I don't know whether to consider that a good or bad thing... This morning was... New To say the least I don't know what to say, or even write, I'm just Happy Yesterday was awful though. That Matt guy is terrifying, I don't... I don't know if I can handle being around him anymore. He's always yelling and calling me names that I don't exactly like, but it's so confusing. He seems to care, and be NICE in his own way. He said he considers us... ME, his family. So I really just don't.. know how to deal with him Ugh But besides that, I've finally finished stabilizing that old crumby plasma rifle I brought over from marathon. I called it the RFPS Or Rapid Fire Plasma Slinger Signing it "Abbey's Remodels!" Woo! a
May 2 I'm so stupid sometimes. Being a little bitch. Why can't I just "speak" and say whats on my mind. It whirls around my head right there in the moment but I never have the guts to spit it out. I'm acting like such a dumb moronic immature highschool girl. Maybe my brain stopped maturing when I was 16 or something. In case I were to die spontaneously in my sleep tonight, or just sometime during a regular day, I'd like to have this written I'm sorry everyone, I'm sorry for being so weak. And I'm sorry Josh. I wish I had the courage to be your friend still. I tried but I couldn't do it, so that's that then. On an unrelated note, hopefully to raise my spirits I found some watercolors. I'm gonna play around with em
May 4 I'm getting more ... comfortable, you could say. Things aren't so bad. It's hot. It's dry. It's windy. But it's home. I guess the down-and-dirty lifestyle could do me some good. I miss the comfort of my air-conditioned little home and workshop off on marathon, but at least I feel like I fit in here... Kinda. I mean some of the people are a bit... uh... southern. You could say. Though with earth gone, what should I even call those kinda people? I wonder if I'm making sense at all. Still a bit dizzy from the drinks earlier. Zed apparently thought I didn't like her or something. I feel bad. I wonder how many other people feel that way. I don't mean to avoid people. I'm not trying to give that impression. I hope I got my message across, I was pretty blurry. I still don't get it. How a couple drinks can make me so much more comfortable with the whole talking thing. Though hey, I'm not complaining. In other news, Mr Binder. I don't know what to say I've never felt like this, or looked at someone like this before... It makes my stomach feel funny and I don't know if whether to hate or like it But I think I'm in... love? Maybe ....
May 4 I haven't been sleeping well lately. I didn't think it was a big deal at first but it's getting annoying. Laying awake at night, and every time I get to sleep I have weird nightmares that don't make sense once I'm actually up. Maybe I should find someone able to stock me up on sleeping pills. ... though I don't think I should waste our money on something so trivial. I guess I can live with it. It's not a big deal.
May 5 It's. So. Hot. I think I'm going to dig a swimming pool or something out with MUR today. This is getting awful. Atleast I'm sure to get a tan from all this damn sun. ... Or maybe I'm going to burn up. I actually don't think I tan very well. I better find some sun screen. Oh god wait how am I going to operate MUR in this heat. I remember sweating in there even back on marathon. Ugh Shit I'm gonna have to operate at night only I guess. Hooooooly crap this eat. This pen keeps slipping out of my hand. Fuck it. I'm gonna go sit in the shower all day.
