9/14/2416 I cussed Lovepeck out. Called him a cuckold. Said his charm ruined my life. It's true, and I enjoyed every moment of it. Oh Kluex, why did I enjoy it? It isn't me. This isn't me. Jaycee would've handled it so calmly, so smoothly. But instead, I broke down. Seeing that man was enough, but the fact that he just says 'oh well' about what he did makes me want to do.. something. Kill him, maybe? Perhaps it's too extreme, but Kluex knows he deserves even the least punishment. So does Necapan. Moving on from this, I suppose I made a new friend. Poethus. Speaks in a dead tongue. At first, Poethus confused me. He bows to me. He grabbed my hand and kissed my backhand. Perhaps he confuses me for a High Priestess or a Stargazer. I don't give off the impression, I think, but maybe it's just because I have an actual ship. We walked and talked for some time, and I told him what's wrong. "Is that why your brown eyes are so haunted? Because a beast lurks in their deep?"That phrase confused me. I said yes anyway. I feel so stupid for revealing my problems to a stranger, having to burden them with things that they shouldn't have to deal with. But, yet, he somehow made his way into my nest. My poor excuse of a nest. He says he's here to help, to be the person to vent to, to be the shoulder to cry on. But, I feel like he wants something from me. What does he want? Does he want the love I can't give? Or, perhaps, maybe he is the paragon of a gentleman. But I doubt it. There are no gentlemen here in the lawless wastes of Council Space. I suppose I should wait and see. Not like he can somehow ruin my life if I do wait. Thank you for listening and understanding, diary.
9/26/2416 I decided to write, but I'm not sure what to write. Not much has changed, I think. I do have two jobs, though. One can't even be called a job; it's sort of a.. class, I suppose? One-on-one teaching, that sort of thing. I'm a seamstress apprentice under Oleksandra, and I'm a bartender at Olag's distillery. There are a few things I've been feeling, however. Things are.. normal-ish, again. I still feel a lack of motivation, a lack of caring for how I look. Still feel tired. I think I've been nabbed with a case of insomnia, is the problem. I barely sleep, because when I do I have night terrors that really terrify me. I don't really want to describe it, any of it, because it gives me goosebumps to just think about it. I will say what they are, though. falling from great heights, drowning, being watched very intently, trapped in a small room, plucked plumage, being left alone over and over again by mates Let me give you some background information about some of these. It may just be what I am that causes them, but their frequency is questionable, at the least. don't know how to swim, claustrophobe Again, this could easily explain maybe three of them. The other ones I'm not too sure about, but it's not like I want to find out. This should be all for now. Again, thank you diary. Perhaps I'll try to talk to Poethus soon.
10/14/2416 This'll more than likely be my last entry before I truly move on. I'm in the Core now. Noxoc sent me the full logs of his and Gillian's little chat, and personally, I'm not surprised that Gillian lied to me. Regardless.. I'm here now. Noxoc and I live in a run-down motel on some industrial planet. It's also complete with possible gang violence, wife beaters, orphans, so on so forth! I'll try to talk Nox into moving, seeing as this is no place to raise chicks. Regardless, we'll raise them, one way or another. But.. even if this place is a terrible one, I'm happy to finally be reunited with him. I just feel kinda bad for leaving Council Space without really telling anyone. Especially leaving Ernal. Kluex knows I feel so selfish about leaving when I was starting to make new friends, starting to find hope. Anyhow, I have a few ideas for what we could name a chick when they hatch. - Nochitl - Devi - Xochitl - Ihuatl And maybe a few others. I'm not sure, though. I also don't want to have too many options, since that'll kinda make me a tad bit indecisive. And, yes, I was referring to one chick because Noxoc said he'd name the other. Then again, I don't know any masculine names if I name the boy. Then again, I also don't know the genders of the chicks. So, they may all be male, may all be female, or one female and one male. I dunno though. I honestly hope it's the latter. Would be pretty cute to have a gay and a gal, maybe reversed colors. Guy being a dove and such. But, regardless, I'm probably thinking too much about this. Oh well. Again, thank you, diary. Dunno where I'd really be without you in terms of thoughts.
