By the time this has been sent, I would have drowned in my own blood from a fatal tracheal injury. I must say, I haven't really done well for myself, have I? Depression, anxiety, loss, I've suffered it all. My stance in the sector hasn't improved one bit. I have made one friend, and probably one enemy. What have I done in the years? Well, most of it was spent on my home planet and searching every planet within 500 Ly for my sister. My sister - Valentine Songbird - was a huge factor of my life. She is the reason I didn't hang myself when I originally banished from my home city. When I was left on the streets by my bastard parents because of my white feathers, she helped me pull through. When I was banished from the city because I publicly questioned the existence of Kluex, she was there for me. She taught me to read, she taught me to write, she defined who I am. I regret the day I signed up to mine in an asteroid field two stars away. The day I departed, I never told anyone I was leaving. I didn't think I'd need to - considering I wasn't supposed to be within the city's walls anyway. I was insignificant. It did mean I never established contact with my sister, and thus I never saw her again. My home planet had frozen over before I returned to visit, and there was no trace of Valentine anywhere. I saw my home, falling apart in what is now the dead city, and I saw the frozen corpses of my bastard parents. I just stood there, staring at them for a few minutes before turning my back and leaving. I couldn't sympathise with them. Not after how they almost mentally broke me. Good riddance. This year, I decided to turn to civilisation. It got way too lonely, and I felt as if I was on the verge of losing my sanity (I am honestly amazed I kept my sanity for this long). I decided to head to Asani. Not the best place to spend time in, but it was better than isolation. There, I met a friendly Floran called Silk-Spinner, but I also met a Flightless - whom I do not know the name of. The Flightless haven't changed one bit. All they bloody care about is their non-existent Kluex... That leaves me with today. I have a door at the back of my house, but it has been snowed in for months. I haven't been behind the house since that door got snowed in, as I didn't feel the need to. So I decided to clear out the snow that was blocking the door. I walked around the house, and fell through a relatively thin layer of snow, into a pit. I have no idea how the layer of snow built up to cover this pit, but there was something in here. Something frozen. I dug it out with my hands, to find a frozen Valentine Songbird - missing an arm. She hasn't even started to decompose. In a way, it's somewhat funny. I spend years of my life, searching for someone and they were right behind my all along... but in another way, I have wasted years of my life. Years I could've spent establishing myself properly. Those years can't be taken back, and I no longer see a reason why I should continue to even try to live. Death just seems like the easier option in this damned sector. I might as well publish my diary - or at least, the three entries that exist of it. I had planned to write an entry every day, but I couldn't find the time. Spoiler: Day One Dear Valentine, Snowed in, frozen, I yearn for the day I find you. Trapped on this path laid out for me, I search and search. I can't take the cold much longer, it's much harsher than the tree house. I can feel it in my bones, my blood freezing. I want to leave. I must leave. But something about this planet keeps pulling me back - the planet's claws will not set me free forever. I will always return - in hopes of finding you. Be you alive or dead, I must find my answer. The emptiness inside of my heart will expand if I don't. It will tear me up from the inside. Please. Come back, Valentine. Come back. Spoiler: Day Two Dear Valentine, I sit in the bar on Asani, contemplating where you are. A duel takes place as I write, and many incidents of violence have happened here within the past day. I won't stop searching for you until I find you. I have already faced many distractions on this path, but postponing the search will only deepen the wounds left by the discovery of my now frozen home planet. This bar is not helping me to concentrate. I should find a better place to write, next time. Valentine, where are you? Spoiler: Day 25 Dear Valentine, Much time has passed since I last wrote. I'd love to write every day, but I often find myself fighting the cold of my own planet and trying to remain fed, leaving no time to write in this diary. I've reached an obstacle in my search for you. I am unable to find any information that may give me a hint to your location. I've searched every snowy planet within 5000ly of the star my planet orbits, and I still haven't found any trace of you. I'd hate to say it, but I don't know what to do. I am running out of options, and it isn't good for my sanity. I need to find you, Valentine. I need you. Before I disappear for the rest of your days, I think I'll write one last entry. Spoiler: The Last Day Dear Valentine, I did not expect to find you dead behind my house. Years, I've spent. Searching. For you. And this is how I find you. Years of my life, wasted, because I did not think to check behind my bloody house. It's a shame, I could've been doing something useful with my life but I decided to cling onto the past. I failed to be independent, because in reality - I really needed you. You picked me up when our parents threw me out, and you motivated me to live. Your absence motivated me to keep searching until I found you today. I simply can not live without you keeping me going. I have decided to commit suicide, so I can join you in death, and we can be together once again. I won't be missed, so I don't have to worry about those I leave behind. I was insignificant, and I am glad. Thank you, Valentine. I hope to find you in death. Avalina Songbird
*Silk-Spinner* Oh goodness I don't know what to say. I should have known something was wrong, I should have tried to listen more. To anyone reading this, she really was a good person, and at least deserves some kind of memorial. I'm so sorry.
Oh well. There goes another weakling. Making the universe a better place, one suicidal weakling a time. -Bobzadoi
This is what happens when a colony rejects the proper teachings and starts making stuff up as they go along... I mean, really? Outcast due to having white feathers? Pah! -Skarti
I don't know the person, well, personally, but I'm sure he will be deeply missed. Stars guide him beyond, wherever it may take him. A shame, to see a Grounded so easily snuffed by the inconsiderate world we are forced to inhabit. -birdofprey
So did you cut your windpipe open, or did the noose not snap your neck and you asphyxiated to death? Either way, ouch. Also, I think that finding your sister dead behind your house should probably raise some other emotions than "Oh no, I wasted so much time, guess I'd better kill myself now". I could understand "Oh no, my beloved sister is dead, I will kill myself from grief". But hey, here I am critiquing a suicide note, so who am I to judge? Rest in peace and all that. What's it that Avians are supposed to get when they die? Wings? Enjoy those. - Johnson
Hey, basically as good. Give me a pair of sandals when I die and I'll be set for the afterlife. - Johnson
I don't understand why you're all responding to this message. It was scheduled by a computer program. The author is already dead. -Char