Radio Free Frontier Weekly

This radio broadcast is available at any time anywhere in the galaxy. If you would like an event outside the sector featured, please feel free to message ScarletSongbird.

"And it's a fine day-night-morning-noon-evening out there in the far reaches of the Galaxy, this is Ravv Eckles here for your weekly news. Hope the solar storms stay away to let you keep your radio clear, because it's been an eventful week!"

*There's a shuffling of papers*

"First off we have three more systems making the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster an illegal drink, the foremost system, the Andraxi Sylon system, stating that the motion is mainly due to over thirteen deaths within the last week. The drink, known for its extremely high alcohol content, is noted as being, quote "The best drink in existence, with effects similar to having your brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick." The remaining two systems have made no comments so far."

"A human made space station in the Alpha Centauri Three system suffered a catastrophic ventilation failure earlier this week, the resulting fire has left over three hundred dead. Officials have not ruled out possible sabotage, and are calling for a post disaster inspection of the stations airlocks and security records. The station is widely known for its spaceport and its scientific wings. The nearby Gamma Centauri One system has cracked down on station safety inspections and increased port security. The authorities on board the station state that "These are trying times, we must be vigilant." and that the increased security measures should not be permanent."

"A floran shoplifter was caught over the weekend in a Megaplex Superstore attempting to steal a fifty pound bag of potting soil by hiding it in her shirt. Needless to say security wasn't fooled by the clever hiding place and the floran was promptly arrested. If that wasn't enough, the floran was also wearing a shirt that read "I'm with stupid" with the arrow pointing directly upwards."

"Due to the increasing lack of resources in the Core Sectors many companies are branching outwards to the Frontier in what many people are calling "The Planet Rush." With fuel prices spiking and increasingly simple household products becoming less common, many governments are thrilled at the prospect of planetary prospectors. The surge of new arrivals to the Western Rim has caused already tense negotiations between the ruling glitch "Brassgear Kingdom" and the rebel "Leadnut Republic" to break down, the fighting has shown no signs of ceasing."

"And that's all we have for this week currently, folks! Hope you're all staying as safe as you can be. Ravv Eckles, signing off."

 

"And welcome back to the show all you sentient species out there! I'm Ravv Eckles, here for your weekly news. Oh and all you non-sentient species, the secret is to bang rocks together, guys!"

"Now let's see..."

"The Commander Cosmos Vs. Crash Nebula holofilm is set to hit the theaters this Friday. Many fans of the separate comics and shows are already camping outside theaters. The reboot of Commander Cosmos has gotten both praise and criticism, many die hard fans saying "It just isn't the same hero without Earth." The fans also note that the hero seems to have been "nerfed" to achieve balance between Commander Cosmos and Crash Nebula. The fans of both heroes, have however praised the story line as one they can support. The movie features a returning villain from both movies, the Necrostar from Commander Cosmos and the Sky Sharks from Crash Nebula. Who are you rooting for?"

"That... wasn't a Floran pun, just for clarification."

"And rolling in on the heels of that last story, Cosmic-Con had its annual opening this Monday on Ursa Minor Three World B. The ribbon was cut by none other than Commander Cosmos himself. The convention is expected to receive its usual amount of reports of racist cosplays, with security saying "Why can't nerds just get along?" Many companies have taken the convention as an opportunity to fly new products. A few companies at the convention include Splort Soda, Antari Games, and Walter Robotics."

"In other news, a mass recall on over three billion Dialect-Tek universal translators was issued Tuesday due to an error in translating over thirty phrases from Tradtional Hylotl to Human Neoenglish. Among the phrases mistranslated were: "How many" translates as "How about you go [Bleep] yourself?" and "I'm here for diplomacy" translating as "I'm heavily armed with hostile intent." As it's fairly obvious why this recall was called, the total recall is expected to take over six galactic months and Dialect-Tek has issued a formal apology and a refund to anyone who has been affected by the malfunctioning translators. The recall has also brought the argument between translator supporters and Babel fish back to light. The Babel fish supporters cite that not once has there been any complications in the use of Babel fish for translating. The supporters of translators cite that Babel fish only affect one person, and that translators can project a field to translate for up to five additional people without translators. As of today the arguments have gone absolutely nowhere. Talk about lost in translation."

"And it's that time for some stupid news!"

There's some soft keystrokes.

"A human man in the Tharus Fold system was hoping to avoid jail time. How? A day before the beginning of his sentence, he suffered a "horrific hunting accident" in his home. Upon investigation it was quickly realized that the man was shot in the leg by his son with a shotgun after he instructed his son to do so. The man's plan was to take out an insurance policy he'd taken out a week earlier, although the shotgun blast did far more damage than he thought it would. The man ended up with both legs suffering multiple fractures and nearly bled out. Additionally, he also ended up having one of his feet amputated."

"Well, that's all I have for this week, folks! I hope you all have a great upcoming week, with only a couple murders. But let's face it, this is the Frontier, that's a dream. Ravv Eckles, signing off."