i need advice

Yep. Shit sucks. The nature of things is that it's all garbage. But if you ever find yourself in need of like, voices to listen to - talking about RP or when we're talking about music or video games [I hate Video Games] the Teamspeak is a pretty neat place.

In other news, I don't know where you're situated - but for Schools, community colleges are vastly underestimated. It's kinda' a bummer you didn't make it in time, but the first two years of your schooling aren't really going towards your major anyways. So maybe you could like, do that?

I dunno, boo. You seem awesome - or maybe that's just cause you called me cute.
Either way, you should come hang out with all of us cyberbullies in the TS.

 

OH God, that's horrible, but please don't kill yourself, I know from experience that things CAN get better, also, I know you probably don't want an internet hug, but I don't care, I'm gonna offer you one anyways, because I would go and hug you IRL if I knew where you were, was able to go there, and you wouldn't think I'm a total creep for showing up at your house saying "I'm here to hug you" and I'm not joking, if I could reasonably go to you I would walk all the way to give you a hug

 

You talked about it with them?
and dont jump in front of car
its pretty painful death
and not always working
also dont jump from floor
it may not work
or cut your hands
its stupid
or dont try drinking bleach
I feel sorry for your situation

 

Listen, I would like to speak to you from experience. Everyone will tell you "things get better" (and they are totally right) and I could easily say the same...but knowing what it's like to be in that position, I know that you can't necessarily rely on that confirmation because everything up until this point has probably been really shitty and your constantly lied to and positivity is probably a rarity. You are not alone...you are far from it. Most people, and you probably might not realize it...go through depression, or variations of anxiety; some have to deal with it longer than others, and some situations are more "difficult" to navigate than others. But the thing is...the universe has a funny way of working itself out. What can easily be pain and anguish NOW; with the right motivation...it WILL make you a better person. The fact you even FEEL something is more than some people can say. Take a look at the world around you, look at some of the people you might consider "successful" or "well-adjusted"....well...are they really? Or...did they just follow a set pattern laid out for them (by their parents/grandparents/school/work..you name it), with little-to-no work. Some people are just given things, and they don't have to suffer through their early adulthood, they don't get the opportunity to actually grow as a person....but...watch them...do they do anything with passion? Do they live life with gusto? Do you think they really know what it's like to FEEL life around you? Most often...no...they don't. They're born...they go to school, not getting into trouble, not doing anything but whats expected of them in our current form of society....then...they graduate, and begin "careers"..eventually setting aside enough money to "retire"...but...they are too old to enjoy it. They go through life without knowing the difference between joy and pain because life was already mapped out for them...or as you might perceive it "life was easier". I assure you...that is not what you want. They learned nothing through that process...they basically become just another tally on the wall of life. The pain you experience now, no matter how hopeless it might seem....IT WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON. Have faith in yourself. The fact you even posted this here proves that you don't want to just let life put you down....you made a small step to get better; you reached out, and people who don't even know you personally responded. Thats POWERFUL...I hope you realize that. It's proof that humanity exists, and working to better yourself will have its payouts. make small movements towards what you LOVE...not what you think everyone expects of you, and life will work itself out eventually. Even if the smalls moves you make seem pointless now...keep grinding, keep doing what you know internally is right. Don't worry about anyone else besides yourself. This is your life, you gotta grab that shit by the balls. Read books, listen to podcasts, . I have TONS of material I could recommend to you that personally changed my life, and thousands of others...Research some of your idols, and if you don't have any, seek them out. If they are famous for something...read about their life...more than likely, they had a very tough upbringing too. Exceptional people are bred out of exceptionally dynamic situations (more than likely, you'll be surprised by how bad they had it, and the impossible circumstances they overcame to become the person they were/are). No one here will ever understand your circumstance more than yourself...but...know that we know how you feel. I promise you. Human pain is universal.

It's not your fault. We need you.

"so many people have it worse" and absolutely thats true....but, pain is pain...and it hurts no matter the situation, and a simple statement can't make it better. You know your better than these people that are hurting you; It sucks it's your parents because it's their job to guide you, but they hurt inside too...I promise you that...most likely they had a shitty upbringing, and didn't have a valuable tool like the internet to reach out to...forgive them...no matter how shitty they might be...it's the only way your going to be able to let it go. You know what its like to be good and truthful in a world that has until now been a F'n asshole. Your better than them. Your more valuable to society than them. YOU WILL GET BETTER! keep going, trust yourself. And help others....something that always feels good, is helping those less fortunate than you...even if your in a terrible position yourself. Even if its helping the old lady cross the street...you helped her...she needed you in that moment. You are a great person and we need you. As a member of planet Earth, I speak for everyone here that knows the pain. We need you. I REALLY F'N MEAN THAT!! You will do things you never thought were possible. You get through this, and nothing will seem impossible. The world is your oyster...smash that mother-F'r open and rip out its insides....it's yours...you deserve it.

 

As a side note..
The only thing stopping you from doing the things you want. Is you.
If your too late in the year for school....thats ok, theres next semester. Find a job for now, don't worry about the pay, or if you even have to walk there. Find something. Join a group, reach out to those in your community. Call the schools you want to get into and form a relationship with them. Explain your situation, they are there for you and will help you. They will guide you on how to apply and how to get out of your parents house....thats their job, they get payed to do it, and wouldn't do it if they didn't actually want to help people. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. Don't be ashamed. This is your life, own it, and don't take any guff from other people who are hurting. Also, Exercise.....it's clinically PROVEN to be a equal/better alternative to prescription drugs for depression. Also, it makes you have more energy in general. Small steps lead to big steps. You got this.

"You miss every shot you don't take" - Wayne Gretzky ((since your Canadian, I'm SURE you know him ))