Entry 1 The Psychologist said it was best if I wrote down what was on my mind, considering I never open up to anyone, but how can I? The things that happened, the people I lost, destruction of Earth. Just one train wreck after another. My mind is broken, can't tell what is real and what isn't, in other words, I'm suffering from dementia. Of course, it isn't bad. It isn't bad! It was worse before that thing, that little tentacle monster bit me. I'm cured, yeah, but I am permanently screwed with little hallucinations, mostly disturbing ones of the crew that took me in when I was young. Earth was taken when I was 9, but I was one of the fortunate that got off the planet with their loved ones. At the time, I felt...happy, glad, full of joy to be so lucky. But now thinking back, seeing all the families torn apart, it was grim. Fathers separated from their sons, mothers from their daughters, just hell, a living hell. My father decided we went to the gamma sector, more valuable resources were available to acquire. Times were actually really good, had good times with my brother, we called him Penguin, as a little nickname given to him by my mother because he was addicted to a children's show back then. You know? I just realized I never knew his name, just called him Penguin. That's a real shame. Anyways, he taught me how to hunt and all that, keep alive in the wilderness. It broke my heart when he declared to the family that he was going to join the USCM. My father would yell, "What in the hell are you thinking?!" To which he replied, "I have nothing to believe in. I have no purpose here." These arguments would go on and on for hours. Eventually they gave up, my parents. They finally came to terms with losing their son. A few months later, he was gone. He left in the night, leaving a little note with a little sticker on it. Little penguin sticker. I didn't know what to feel, or what I should of felt. Anger? Sadness? Laughter because of his little sticker? Instead I just read the the note, handed it to my parents, and went to my room. God, I might of wrote too much, but I feel a little better. H.S Entry 2 It got really quiet at home, Penguin was gone, dad was always working in the mines, mom was zoning out in some other universe. I didn't like the other kids, they were really ignorant and spoiled, acted like they were the kings or queens, and needed the most respect otherwise their entire world turned into hell. But they had no idea what hell was. Two years after my brother was in the USCM, we received a letter from them. My mother had the biggest smile on her face. I completely forgot she had teeth, that is how long I hadn't seen her smile. My father opened the letter with the speed of a bullet from a gun, hoping it was a letter or a sign that his oldest son was coming back. His grin turned into a face of shock after reading it. Mother asked what was wrong, my father only handed her the letter, then went outside, probably to process what he read. At the time, I didn't know what was going on, they refused to show me what was on the letter, but I wasn't stupid. I already knew what was typed in the letter, I pretended to be oblivious, not wanting to make my mother more upset than she already was. Days after the letter arrived, her face was paler, she looked tired and old. She decided to commit suicide 2 weeks after the letter. The letter, the letter, that damn letter, it keeps popping up, I keep writing about it and it's so repetitive, but I can't stop thinking about it. I don't understand how my father could take it, how he could still have the will to live after the loss of his two family members. Maybe it was me, or maybe he died a long time ago. I don't know. I have too many questions that will never be answered. They will eternally sit in the back of my head, haunting me whenever I am alone. My brother, gone. Mother, gone. Father? Boy, I had the shittiest of luck. Bandits. They came, not sure how they discovered my home, but they came. My father told me to hide in the shed, I did as he said. He grabbed what sounded like a firearm, and went to confront them. One, two, three, four...five. Those were all the shots that were heard. The shed door opened, but the person opening it, wasn't who I was expecting. 3 thugs came in and saw me. They talked about killing me, selling me, but the one that one out was to take me in. They killed my dad, and thought it was the right thing. The right thing. I don't believe in right and wrong anymore. Was it right that they orphaned a child? Was it right that I murdered them in their sleep 4 years later? See, right and wrong varies from person to person. There is no universal line that people should not cross, because to everyone, that line is placed differently. If you think stealing is bad and should not happen, another would argue that they need to steal to survive. I lived alone for so long, and being alone this time, those questions that I talked about earlier kept coming and attacking me, clawing at me for answers that would never be answered. I was broken. I'm glad the ship ran out of fuel, I needed to get out of it and get some air. H.S Entry 3 Hours of hunting seemed to do the trick for a while, I could think. I grabbed a nearby fruit and took a bite, tasted foul, threw it at a tree. The fruit splattered against the tree, showing stains of purple with specks of green. I guess I wasn't the only thing on the planet that had a love for fruit, for a 7 foot tall beast slowly walked towards the tree and smelled where the fruit was splattered against. It must have been wanting meat that day, because it started to chase me. Normally I would of shot down the beast with my trusty bow and arrows, but its hide was dense and the arrow merely bounced off. I ran, but it was always behind me, slowly gaining. It lunged at me and grasped my leg with its razor-like claws and dug them into my flesh. A fiery pain shot up my leg and I reached out for a rock, grabbed it, and turned to hit the beast in the nostril. Luckily, the face was made of soft, vulnerable tissue, and the beast let go. This release was short lived, because that only seemed to make it pissed off. It threw itself at me, grabbed my body with its jaws and started to shake me furiously, as if I was the chew toy for a Pomeranian. At first, it hurt so much, but it was slowly going away, and being replaced with numbness. Death was coming, I thought. I was going to die. I felt happy that I could finally see my family, I only had to suffer through this for a bit longer. I heard a plasma rifle shot from my right, and I suddenly hit the floor. I don't recall what happened afterwards, just panicked voices and electronic noises. H.S Entry 4 I stared at the ceiling, wondering where I was. Why wasn't I dead? There is no reason, why I should be alive. A man walked into my room, or at least what I thought was a man. That was the first time I have ever seen another humanoid species. He told how I got to where was. Said I was a mess when he found me, he told how I lashed out at him with a sharp rock and tried to murder him. He punched me in the jaw, knocking me out cold and carrying me to his settlement's hospital. He saved me. I was treated and kept in a hospital room for three days, served three meals a day and given little time to talk to others, for I had a reputation for attacking others. Three days on a planet with other people and already a reputation. The bird man who had saved me asked me who I was and where I came from. I only gave a very brief explanation of my past, for it still hurt to think of it. He became my friend for the next 7 years. My best friend. He taught me all about how they weren't the only intelligent bipedal species in the universe, and talked about how to never bring up religion with Avians, because it would mostly result in a dispute. I loved being with Avians, in fact still do, they are really nice and always seem to offer you help when you need it. But something felt strange, I felt as I was trying to fit in a group that I could never be a part of. It bothered me, so I decided to tell my friend that I needed to leave for personal reasons. The look on his face was of sadness and disappointment as he tried to coax me into staying. I couldn't though, I felt like an extra jigsaw puzzle piece, unnecessary. I left soon after bidding my farewells to the people I met, each ending with more attempts to make me stay, but I felt as if I had a purpose, but it wasn't there, it was somewhere distant, but I had yet to figure it out. H.S
Entry 5 Traveling in space got less lonely, I had to make stops at trading stops in order to get more fuel, and I always met the funkiest of people. One apex, which was a big ape that was way more smarter than I was, claimed he found the defense against tentacle monsters. "Salt, he would exclaim,"They hate salt!" Funny thing is, that is exactly how my little problem with the tentacle monster was fixed. If I had only had listened, I may have been normal again. Too late for that. My psychologist is saying I have made major progress toward recovery, and that soon I may not even need her. I think she is right. I stopped seeing ghosts of the crew I killed, I can sleep again, and the questions stopped haunting me. I have my squad to thank for getting me here, I would of died on some planet in the X-sector if I had never met them. Ryan Verst, the leader of the squad, serious when it comes to his job, but a good guy when off duty. He got the distress signal from me when I asked for help after the tentacle monster bit me. Eleven, November Eleven, quite a strange name but it has a nice ring to it. She is shy and reclusive at first, but really funny once you get her. She owes me some Mexican food. Alex Flynn, he is a lifesaver and always wants to help whenever one is in need. Not even sure I would be alive without him. Recently, the USCM has gotten new recruits that I have yet to meet. Well, gotta end it here for now, Gunnery Sargent is calling us, must be a new assignment. H.S Entry 6 Before I continue, ask yourself, "When does someone die?' Is it when you are shot down by a group of bandits? No, is it when a knife plunges you in the chest? Nope, but it is when someone is forgotten." I came across a dying man, and these were his last words. I couldn't help him, he was missing his left arm and right leg, probably from a beast. X-sector is a dangerous place for anyone, you must always keep your guard up. This guy, poor guy, must of been a naive adventurer, looking for new lands and treasures and such. Should of stayed in the alpha sector where he could of messed around as much as possible and still be alive. Still, for a reckless kid, he sure has a way with words. Should I bury him? Can't leave him like that, just doesn't seem right. I'll bury him. With a grave made and a few things I remember from the bible said, I gotta get moving. If I stay, I might just turn out like the guy I just buried and I doubt anyone will find me to make a grave for me. I came to the planet for fuel, I'm running out and if that happens, I may have to be rescued by my crew again, and that is embarrassing. FUEL I FOUND IT! And not that weak coal stuff, Solarium! If I could kiss solarium, I would, but I'm not sure that is sanitary. Well heading back to Fort now. H.S Entry 6 Quiet. It's really quiet at the Fort. I assume there is an assignment but was absent at the time. I went to the Mile High Pub to get a drink but forgot that there are no drinks. So I am stuck here, writing about it. More excitement in the past, sure it wasn't fun but at least I had something to do like, not dying. I still can't believe how I was ready to give up that day against the beast that almost killed me. Deep inside I didn't want to die. I don't have that high-tech cloning stuff, so why did I want to give up a precious life? I was not going to get it back if I regretted it, so why did I choose to throw it away? Questions keep coming, now it's starting to bother me, I should see that psychologist again. H.S Entry 7 I was lying down, stomach up on the ground. "It's coming," is the only thing I hear, the voice was deep and sinister, but calming. I couldn't move, and I knew why my body was still. It was still because I was dead. Damn dream keeps waking me up every morning. It couldn't be some beautiful woman who nudged me to give me a nice mug of coffee to start off my day, no, it has to be that damn dream. I'm too tired to get up, the bed is keeping me from moving, like two magnets. The Psychologist doesn't answer my calls on Starnet, must be on vacation. Perfect, just perfect. Possibly going crazy again, and she is probably sipping tea or off dancing with friends. I am curious to who was speaking in my dreams, I've heard that you can only dream about someone only if you have met them in reality, but I have no memory of this voice. I need help, maybe Birdman could help me, he's done it before. Now the problem is finding him. H.S Entry 8 The fort is way too quiet, until my radio blared out how there were gladiatorial battles taking place at another colony, Tallest Trees. I couldn't resist, maybe I could meet some new people. The colony is a really nice place actually, I felt relaxed, until I went to the arena. As I went to find a seat to spectate, I could see a battle going on already, between an Avian named Wingless and some girl, forgot her name. Jeez, even the arena was attractive, the guys who established the colony sure have a way with architecture. The battle ended with Wingless winning, it was a close call though. He was then suppose to battle another contender, but I recognized the other person. It was Aiko-Yori of Avalon. Hell, I thought, Wingless won't last 1 minute, but to my surprise, he won the battle. Aiko was knocked out, but not in a "punch-to-the-face" knockout, but what seemed like intoxication, she fought drunk. Afterwards came more battles, but I believe the audience were more lively than the fighters themselves, there was a floran munching on some legs, he said chicken, I knew they were human legs. Another was shouting something about gouging eyeballs and something involving defecation. The Fort would benefit in having something like this... what am I thinking? I gotta get out more... H.S
Entry Never-Again For the second time in my life, I regret being drunk. I took my advice earlier about getting out more, and somehow got dragged into a party. But it was for the greater good! There was booze, can't turn that down, especially if it's free. Guy named Omega, good guy, nice ship, but the good stuff, and I mean good stuff, comes from a guy named Nate-Jones. He brought a couple of special bottles, Blood something, forgot the name of the drink, but something like that. Me being an idiot like always, thought it was intelligent to chug it down. Boy, was I wrong... I remembered dancing to nothing, talking about evolution of foods, and discussed the possibilities of wearing hats as pants, of course you can. But at the end of the wildness, a giant pain shot through me, and I passed out. I woke up, bid farewells, said thanks, and am now looking for those cookies I stored. Where did I leave those damn things? H.S
Entry 9 The ceiling... I never knew a ceiling can keep me still for so long. I've been staring at it too long, and it brought back memories. Memories I don't want to remember. Killing the bandit crew, losing my brother, seeing my mother's corpse. They came back to me, as I stared at the ceiling, the plain white ceiling. I just realized, I still have the bandana of the guy. I guess the ring leader of the bandits. I always liked pirate movies when I was little, so I couldn't just leave it on the guy. I took it and poorly wrapped it on my head. I would get better. I didn't care about fashion anyways, just liked the bandana. His swords, they were impervium, really strong sword, they looked like you could cut a planet in half with them, took those two. I couldn't swing them, at least, not effectively. I would get better. His gun, really strong sidearm, probably shot down my father with it. I don't know what would make me touch the thing that killed my dad, but I took it. I didn't realize it was loaded and accidentally squeezed the trigger. A round fired off and dislocated my wrist. I would get better. I looked in the mirror just now and took a good look at myself. I can swing the swords with high speed, shoot the gun with amazing accuracy, and can properly tie the bandana on my head. But am I better? Or just more worse? I haven't been able to forget the past, maybe it is because of these three possessions? No, the past will follow you wherever you go. I guess it's just something you got to come to terms with. I wonder what the squad is up to right now. H.S
Entry 10 The Fort is getting more residents, I kinda like it, the quiet, eerie feeling is going away. Whenever I am alone, I feel watched, and I don't like it. The squad went on a mission earlier, I missed it... damn. I would love to do something besides get drunk on my ship and practice my aim. But, I don't seem to be around when that stuff happens. God I need a nap. Nap did shit, I was only awaken by hallucinations again. The ones of the pirate crew, but he aimed a gun at my face, and I just sat on my bed, staring down the barrel, not even wanting to move. I feel bad, this is bad. I don't like it, I really don't, I can't trust anyone, I think my time is going to end soon, but I don't want to go yet, I feel like I could do much more, like maybe get rid of these damn ghosts. But that little monster, that tiny little tentacle monster that got me, once it bit me, I was permanently cursed with this, even though its virus is out of me. Salt is what kills it apparently, but I don't think it is dead, it feels like it's still alive, like it will forever live in me, torment me, until I drop dead. No, no I am just imagining things now. But maybe it is a sign, I don't even know anymore. I feel like a danger now, am I even safe to be around? What if some thing happens and I go nuts and kill everyone? Should I leave? And what, be a hermit the rest of my life? That would be stupid, wait wouldn't I be AWOL and be hunted by the military? Do they do that? Maybe, so am I trapped? I don't know, maybe I should. I feel alone, as if I was the last leaf to fall of a tree and die with the others, but I wasn't falling, as if I was welded onto the tree by the grip of a pissed off floran. I don't know. I might talk to Ryan or Eleven, since they are the only actual friends I have. H.S
Entry 11 I messed up, I messed up, I messed up, I messed up. I am screwed. This journal is now mine, I don't need to give it to the psychologist, she isn't around... This is all I have left. Here I am, in the Fort Mattis Medical Bay, Ryan is going to talk about me being discharged to the Colonel, or at least I think, he probably will, the USCM can't have loonies with guns in their ranks. I messed up. I messed up. I really messed up. I bet they don't want me around. That's it, no one likes me, I'm the crazy guy, no one likes crazies, I'm a crazy, they don't like me, they want to kill me, they are going to kill me, I know it. I can see it already. It is awfully cloudy, and they group (Ryan, Eleven, the Colonel) are escorting me to get off the planet, but they take me somewhere else and trap me, corner me. They'll use me as target practice, then after I'm dead, they'll just burn my body, I will never exist. I can see it already, yes thats what they want. I can't trust anyone, except this little journal, oh journal, you are my only friend, you have a voice, a face, a heart, and you listen to me. Will you be there for me? I will always take care of you. You are my best friend. I messed up. I messed up, I done messed up. This is all because of that thing! That god damn thing, those damn tentacles, they are the living image of misery and hell. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have been bitten, they would never have destroyed Earth, we would never have to move, maybe my brother wouldn't join the USCM, then mother wouldn't have been sad, and if she hadn't been sad, she could still be alive, and father wouldn't have had to give his life to protect me, I could be home, with my family, but now I'm trapped, and alone. I am so alone. Except I'm not, I have you, my little journal. I have to escape... I gotta get out now, they will kill me, I know it, they don't want me, I'm a loony, loonies can't be in the ranks. I wish you were here, mom. You could sit on my bed, and tell me it will be fine. Tell me it will be fine. Please just tell me. I really need it right now. I need you, and dad, and my big brother, help me, I need help. I can't do it without you, I feel, no, I know they are watching me, thinking I just got even more crazier. I gotta get out, but I'm alone, I need to get out, maybe I can live on a planet, me, myself, and make a home, yes that would be Nirvana. Have a farm, hunt for food, then when my time comes, lay down to rest, and never wake up. Then I can join you guys, we can be together again. And it will always be like that, us, together, forever. I need to get out first. But the doors are locked, only someone outside can open it, and they want to kill me, they will kill me -the rest of the entry is scribbles except at the bottom. What is at the bottom of the entry looks like a monologue- "Life, why are you loved and why is death hated? Is it because you are a beautiful lie while death is a painful truth?"
Entry 12 I am free. I feel so free. I don't know if I want to go back. Here it feels nice. Real nice. I like it. I am here on this grassland planet in the X-sector. I never thought I would come back, but it is so pretty. Beauty is dangerous, gonna take note of that. But I am all alone. It is quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Wait, I can hear wind. Now it is quiet. But Ryan, and Eleven, those two are the best! But I'm crazy, loony, insane, I could hurt them! And we all don't want that. Maybe they can visit soon, hopefully they won't be afraid of the X-sector. Today I asked for construction materials through a public channel, but once I told them I was in the X-sector, they backed off. I finally met this glitch. Glitch, glitch, glitch. His name was, shit, I forgot. No, come on. His last name was Rust, that is all I can remember. He was the only one who came to help me. Why can't others be like him? We all need to be nice. Sure, we get mad, and kill each other, but once in a while we need some peace and love. Am I AWOL? I feel like I am. Eh, screw it, right? I ain't of use to the marines anyways, I'm doing em a favor! They should be happy, right?! My stomach is hurting. I just went to puke. Now I feel light-headed. Do I have medicine? Medicine. Medicine. Medicine. Yes Never mind. I left a lot behind. Maybe a nap will help. And if stuff goes bad, I can always call for my best friends! They'll help, right? Right? Right. These pests aren't letting me sleep. They keep scratching my doors and it is bugging me. Thing is, these aren't your average Alpha rodents, these things are smart! I tried to decapitate this yeti thing, and it just dodged my swing and tackled me to the ground. If it wasn't for my revolvers that Ryan gave me, I don't think I would be writing this. It bit me though, but the bite didn't hurt, the venom is what pisses you off. It feels as if my arm is covered in wasps, I hope these bandages help, it's all that I have. H.S
Entry 13 I recovered from my wounds, and I'm glad, I was close to chopping my arm off because of the pain. But that isn't important right now, I traveled a bit and landed at a Tetanus Fields, attractive name right? It's this real modest place full of highly misunderstood people. In other words, a run-down camp full of criminals and AWOL soldiers, like me! Whoopee.... During my visit there, I made a friend, this real funky-acting glitch named Misfit. Gonna give him props though, he made a miserable man laugh. We just talked for a bit by a fire, just to make time pass. This place is nice, sure covered in dirt and possibly hundreds of diseases, but it was nice. I think it's time though to put this thing down though. This journal. It keeps reminding me of the past and that is not pleasant. Goodbye journal, thanks for listening. Hunter "Burrito" Speere ((The journal is now stored in Hunter's home in the X-sector. Entering his home grant's your character the information of Hunter's past. You can most likely find Hunter in Tetanus Fields. You can now comment on this thread ))
