"Dead men tell no tales"

It's a video posted by the user "IMAFUCKINDRAGONRAWR"

The video starts on a rather young looking girl, seemingly in her late teens, bright orange hair swept back, atop fair flesh moulded into sharp, expressive facial features, rather androgynous with a touch of femininity, and bright jade eyes that flick between two points just above the lens on whatever camera is being used. Not even a full second after the video begins, her expression suddenly changes to a wide grin whilst she exclaims "YES!!! HAHAH, I KNEW THIS ANCIENT-ASS FUCKER STILL WORKED!!!" The open mouth smile displays rather large canines. In a split second, it can clearly be seen that she has an unzipped, black hoodie and a green t-shirt on, thanks to distance away from her face she's holding the camera, before the view switches to a metallic floor drenched in shadow, blurring by to the rapid clanking and her needlessly shouting "One moment!" A beam pad comes into view, illuminating the sneakers before suddenly the camera is going on the fritz, slowly fading into a view of rolling hills, covered in grass, trees, and other such plant life. "Alright, just beamed down to the planet that I wanted to show off! Okay, so, everyone's heard the proverb thingy 'dead men tell no tales.' HERE'S WHY THAT'S A STUPID DUMB THING THAT'S TOTALLY INCORRECT!!! Now excuse me while I get deeper than the deepest depth of the deepest ocean. Bruh." She clearly doesn't intend to either be taken seriously, or take herself seriously. Despite this, she begins narrating everything the camera does and sees in a serious, dramatic tone.

"The camera turns to face the sight of a looming wall of stone, towering monolithic bulwarks once attesting to the strength of a proud, gallant people, now decrepit, grasped by the slow creeping hands of time and nature, bound to once again return to the very earth it is built into," The wall is ancient, covered in vines and built into the side of a mountain. "The camera slowly pans over to reveal the gateway into the city, once a powerful monument of judgement and security, the grand protector has long since been unceremoniously shattered and splintered by a mindless agent of war and herald of death, strewn about the inside of the entrance to the city, along with the countless remains, both of the ambitious barbarians, and the stalwart soldiers and knights, ready to lay their lives and families on the line if it meant their kingdom was to live another day, the once life-bearing forms transmuted into empty husks to feed the red, metallic decay." The gate looks like it had been violently broken by a siege engine, the remains of both the defending soldiers and knights and the many, many assaulting barbarians laying lifeless and rusted. The girl makes a start towards the center of town. "Once the signature of a fertile land, the black taint of death has seeped into the waters of the fountain, corrupting it, and the lands surrounding it, for centuries to come. The ichor of the heroic champion knight who had made his last stand defending his home stains the guard of the great warrior's iron blade, coupled with the spear lanced through the gap in the armour on his leg and the axe dropped below the deep, disabling gash upon his arm paints the gruesome image of the warrior delivering a brutal murder stroke to the helm of the disabled knight, before falling himself to wounds inflicted by the archers stationed in the towers dotting the city." There's distinct bodies of two particularly large glitch, surrounded by piles of dead soldiers and barbarians, one slumped down against the fountain in heavy, once very ornate armour, with a spear through his left leg just under the knee, a large, strapped kite shield attached to his limp left arm, his right resting on the side of the fountain, barely still attached at the inside of the elbow, and loosely gripping an ornate blade. There's a large puncture on the top his helm, clearly the killing blow, whilst the large barbarian is gripping the blade of his sword with a hand, collapsed forwards with several arrows penetrating through his leather armour and into his back. "Around the neck of the sullen corpse of this brave knight, once laid a pendant, silvered as his armour, and in it, rested the visage of his love, of a noble woman, for whom he fancied, and whom fancied him in return. But alas, it was not meant to be... One could only imagine the pain he must have felt as the city he had loved, and the woman he had loved, fell to the overwhelming barbarian hordes. But worry not, dear knight, as your struggles were not entirely in vain, as the pendant's legacy continues, once passed on as a token of love and caring, only to then again, centuries later, be passed along as a token of a blossoming friendship, a display of thanks to one who had given a new light to one hopelessly lost in the dark."

A couple seconds of silence pass before the camera turns back to the camera woman and narrator, who quickly says "Well THAT was fuckin' pretentious as shit!" With a wide grin on her face. "Fun though! Whatever, my attention span is waning and CAN'T FUCKIN' BEAR TO SIT STILL ANYMORE, I GOTTA GO CHASE A FUCKIN' SQUIRREL OR SOME SHIT!!!" The grin only widens amusedly, after which she shouts a curt "BYE!!!" And the camera once again spins around to a shot of the ground beneath her feet, her goofy chuckling at her own idiocy suddenly cut off as the video ends.

Spoiler: The video's description

I'm so fucking #DEEP

 

::Reply from user IMAFUCKINDRAGONRAWR::

When a fucken hangover made me feel like a hoverbike runnin on empty that also wanted to puke its brains out c': #hashtagIregretnothingexceptbeingunabletoremberalotofthatnightbutIdstilldoitagainanywaysbecauseFUCKITWHYNOT