((Log by James for James, to commemorate the moments of clarity or joy he has. OOC replies are well alowed.)) He seats himself in a wooden chair, facing the camera. Beer in Hand, he sighs and stares at the small lens and the red light that indicates it is recording. He gets rid of the captain's cap, indicating his captain-ness to everyone and all, sighs again, drinks from the bottle, and plops into the back cushion of the chair. His face looks not old, but very sad. It seems to be one of those seldom moments of clarity that he has. "Okay, well. I fucked up. Like, every day. Where do I start. No 2 days in this sector, and I already annoyed just about everyone." He scratches his head with one free hand and drinks another sip of the beer. His face is rather aristocratic for an Apex, finely chiseled, but the furrows on his brow show his ape lineage and physical devolution. Sideburns coat the edges of of his jaw, and he stares into the lens with his greybrown eyes for a while, mouth agape, trying to recollect himself. "I ... Well, what do you do when you are in a new sector, drunk, silly and horny? Suppose you just have to fuck everything up. Went to Taranis, pissed one of the guards off, met a girl with Beatnik glasses. Failed miserably. More of her later ... Being miserable, I met a shrink, Pan, and within 30 minutes she was in despair even though I tried to be my best sunday self, or whatever... well, FUCK! I could defuse the situation a bit by toking one up with her, but I feel horrible. If a trained professional is in tears after half an hour of listening to my life story, what does that say about me?" He drinks a bit more and burps, tries to slick back his hair, remembers it is cut stubble-short, and sighs ... again. "That Beatnik girl sat on my lap later, being drunk, while my first mate was passed out on the couch next to me, even though I tried to de-alc her pretty harshly. Sarah is her name, i think. Well. Crazy night, but that's what happens when you dont control your alcohol influx anymore." "I am not even angry anymore. Only when I am drunk. Also met 2 sick Avians and shook the hell out of them. Didn't infect myself with that beak mask guy's ape flu, though. Shit, that guy creeps me out. I shouldn't go to the Den anymore. Maybe I am immune, maybe I am lucky." Silence for about 30 seconds, him being sleazed into the chair, brooding. "I am ... I remember. That is maybe the worst. I hate to remember what I've done. I just want to forget. I know being drunk all the time is neither healthy nor smart, but it kind of helps me to ... shit, overcome those memories. I need a shrink. I gotta ask Pan. Maybe now she can take in my crazy better than before." He bends forward and turns the camera off without any further ado. ((Sorry for the swearwords. James is foul-mouthed. If that poses any problems, I can be more considerate in future posts. If not, it's fine to censor it too. Don't want anyone to google the forums and find James' tirades ))
James appears in front of the camera, visibly shook. "K was here today. We talked. About a lot. I told her she should take over if my sanity crumbles. She said she wasn't ready, I told her that she would. Then she expressed her sadness that her parents are dead. I told her I would be there for her. That she is like a daughter to me. I meant it. We then went to Taranis and some ponytail-glasses-clad woman showed up. Apparently an old childhood friend of hers. Her mother is alive. So are her friends. I felt obsolete. Both stormed off. I hope ... I hope she understands how much I need her, and that I might break in if she leaves me out here alone. I am scared of losing her." He takes a bottle out, whiskey, takes a swig to relax. "If she wants to leave, I will let her. I want her to be happy. But I can't stand the thought of losing her. James over."
James turns on the camera, incredibly drunk from the looks of it, slouching back in the chair, chugging from the bottle of banana wine more often than would be healthy. "What a day. What a few days, actually. My ex showed up. I scared away my shrink. Damn it. I thought she was into me, and I talked about it, because she was being awkward. Well, she was faster gone than I could say anything ... much else. Har har! I don't care anymore. K hasn't been here for a while, suppose she is safe and sound with her family. Welp. I love it. Everyone I need in my life runs away from me. Ain't that grand." A pause, in which he finishes the bottle. He turns back to the camera. "Well, at least my enterprise is coming along well. I will try to see how well we work together, and we will see how that goes. I hope it goes well. As of now, I officially hate my life again. Oh, and Katta. Katta returned. At least she didnt hate me for losing contact. Gracious ex syndrome, thats at least something not so bad about the whole situation. Jimmy over and out."
James turns on the camera, resting on a couch in front of an avesmingo bush. He seems relaxed and is petting a small dog that tries to climb up his unbuttoned chest. He has a lit Joint in one hand and a glass of whiskey on the stand near the couch. "I am better, surprisingly. Suppose I just had to get a dog. Plus one suicide attempt and lots of counceling. But whatever. The Hand guarded Taranis for a while, but now we are hunting again. Some new talent in our ranks. Feels good to see it grow. Low maintenance and moderate bounty makes for decent live savings. And pissing the big babooner off is worth being on his list. Heh." He chuckles to himself, giving the puppy a quick peck on the nose, dragging on his Joint afterwards. "Anyway. Power is no stranger to me, but commanding men is something new. Sure, they can be sassy, but in the end they listen to me. And they are glad we got off Taranis, and I am glad we did not make the worst possible impression on John. Having the Order on your side, possibly, is not the worst card to play in the game. Although I would rather not draw that card. Sometimes my men overreacted, and I know some Order people have prejudices against us. But whatever.", He drags on his doobie, "Whatever. In the end, John's opinion counts. But right now we do not need them. I offered possible privateer work, that might become somthing. We will see. Right now I am on my ship, over Nassau. So far so good. Hey, leave it, Hux. My doob." He pets the dog, makes him sit, and gives him a treat for being obedient. Then he drags again. "Where was I ... Well. I am glad my men still trust me after the display of incompetence and weakness I showed just a while ago. But I am better than ever, so there is no question about who is the leader. Protip: The guy with the doobie and the doggie." He turns off the camera, smiling.
*Camera turns on, Jim is wearing a captain's cap and his usual scarf/black sweater* "Wow, so a lot of stuff happened. First off, I gave the Hand to Hughey. He was as good a choice as any. Me, personally, it feels like a weight unbearable has been lifted from my shoulders. I was in no state to lead, and therefore I took my leave at momentary notice, leaving Nassau behind and settling in my ship. Seems to be safer that way, nowadays investment in a colony does not pay off, only a matter of time until Outcasts or Florans fuck it up. So whatever. Secondly, I married Sarah. That had been a long time coming, but since I deal stocks now, I think me and her together can provide a stable income, so why the hell not. Hold on to the good things that happen to you. The ceremony was much smaller than Kattas and Rays, but I preferred it that way. Less false friends, more people that actually care. Supposedly. The first few days of marriage went like every other day before, meaning: Good, so i hope it will stay that way. Sarah is just too good of a person, she always deals with my drunken shenanigans, I think she expects me to stop, and I think I will follow through on that ... sometime in the future." He pauses and coughs, re-fixing his eyes on the lens. "Well that is that. Seems like ol'Jimmy is out of the lawless business, got himself a wife, and whatnot. The outcome will show." *Camera off*
