*This journal would be a leatherbound book with a tattered cover in the third ragnarok infirmary nightstand, anyone can read it if they want as the book had no form of security* ((If you do look at it IC'LY then please refer to this page for the entires)) Why am I keeping this? I don't know. Or maybe I do know. That's that problem. I try to defend people but I can't, my condition is only getting worse by the day, but a doctor prescribed me medication that will stop the issue. I can only hope it arrives it or my brain will collapse into a pile of grey goo... or so I've been told. That's probably an exaggeration but I'm still in terrible shape! Some strange hyotol came up to me when I was heading to the ragnarok bar. He scared me to death, claiming he knew me..... but i remember him. Or do I? It's a vague feeling....one that will drive me insane if it is pent up. He lead me to the bell tower and told me to keep this journal to help me remember..... What was his name? Kyuo? Yes?.....No? WHEN WILL THAT GOD DAMN MEDICATION ARRIVE! I CAN'T TAKE IT *At this point the writing would be barely legible and half the page would have been torn out, most likely in the florals fit of insane anger*
WHY WHY WHY? EVERYONE CRIES WHEN THEY LOSE SOMETHING, I CAN'T CRY. I'VE ALREADY LOST EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, NO ONE WILL NOTICE I'M GONE AND NO ONE WILL CARE. I CAN'T TAKE IT, MY MEMORY IS CAUSING THIS, EVERYTHING BAD IS BECAUSE IF MY MEMORY. WAS THERE A FISH CHASING ME? DID I EVER FALL UNCONSCIOUS? WHY WHY WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER WHY I LEFT HOME!?. *More tears on the paper show a descent into madness....maybe it can be stopped....maybe not.
I told Doctor Omizu. I told her I think I'm going insane..... She said I'm only mentally ill, as if that is better. Said I needed a hobby to keep myself sane. I CAN'T DO IT, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. For some reason I punched a steel wall and broke my right hand I think. I need help... I need it NOW BUT I CAN'T GET HELP. *There would be more tears along the page, most likely in his insane anger*
I can't believe it....I actually tried to drown myself like Mispi...I don't have the energy to write more, I hope it doesn't get worse....
