Star Diary: Day One ((Note: While this is an IC interaction we're sharing, please feel free to OOCly comment!)) 07:00: Our journey begins. I am feeling good, having finally gotten off of Avalon. The ship has been grounded for some time now, and there are a few distressing creaks. I think, after it warms up, that the creaks will stop. 08:00: The distressing creaks have not stopped. Twitch has begun his "flying song" in order to cover up the sound of them. I am not sure what is worse. 08:15: I have been forced to abandon the bridge. My ears can no longer take this torture. 08:20: I have escaped to the kitchen. Dismayed to find that I can still hear him. It is as if he is lurking in the walls. What have I done to deserve this? 08:25: Even my bedroom isn't safe from the maniac at the wheel. If only I hadn't misplaced by earplugs. 08:30: I'm in the cargo hold. I really shouldn't be able to fucking hear him here. But. I. Can. 08:35: This is my last option. I have holed myself up in the bathroom with supplies for the long haul. So far, it is blessedly silent. I can hear the creaks, but at this point they are as welcome as an old friend. Creaks, how I have missed the concerning keen of your loving whisper. Please, never leave me. 08:36: ...Please... just kill me.
Captains Log: Day One Was able to launch the ship back into orbit remotely. Still had a few systems offline from the whole Steel Valley exploding thing. I'm pretty sure I had them all ironed out, but I had Jay beam up first to check to see if the life support systems was okay. Most systems are checking green, we still have a wiring problem with the in ship com system always being on. The com thing won't be an issue though, the current wires short the power every so often so it rarely actually broadcasts. --- Jay came to me and started complaining about creaking noises. Not really sure of the cause, but I'm pretty sure we'll find out what it is if the ship explodes, at which point it won't matter terribly much. To set her mind at ease I told her that the last shipment had contained a crate of haunted doubloons. Apparently she doesn't believe in ghosts. --- Now that Jay pointed out the creaking, it's starting to bother me too. I'll get it looked at soon. Jay left the bridge finally when we jumped FTL, I think she's got a poor stomach for watching space after we break light-speed. Started the normal flying rituals. -Ignore Jay's protesting of stupid things: Check. -Blast the on board radio: Check. -Pass time by singing: Ongoing. The Avian folk of Avalon have been hating on my voice, but lets be real here, I'm a songbird through and through. Maybe if I get some free time I'll compose my own music. I can be a one bird band.
Star Diary: Day Three 09:00: Today sees us at our first trade planet. A pair of chummy Hylotl had given us a tip about a friend named Grikk. Our initial investigation proved good, and we agreed to trade some fuel cells with him on Beta Zena III D. The Hylotl did not tell us that Beta Zena III D was one massive swamp. As you can imagine, I am unhappy to discover this. 10:00: A weird frog man has arrived. I assume this can only be Grikk. Thank the stars, I've been getting eaten up by some manner of local bloodsucker and I'm ready to get the hell off this planet. 10:10: Grikk does not appear to have his part of the bargain. He and Twitch have been arguing for what feels like an hour. I think I am sinking in the mud. I am likely to die out here before they resolve their problem. 10:15: There appear to be other frog men in the trees. I should probably tell Twitch... 10:35: It was an ambush. Nobody is surprised. There is nothing more slimy than an actual amphibian! We should be off this planet and traveling far, far away from this hellhole, but Twitch insists on preserving the fucking fuel cells. They are slowing us down. 10:40: ...The cells are sinking in this shitty fucking bog. Goodbye. Time to go. 10:42: HE WON'T LEAVE THEM. EVEN WHEN I SAID, HELLOOOOO, HOMICIDAL AMPHIBIASSHOLES ARE ON THEIR WAY. JACKASS. 10:45: THEY ARE NOW SHOOTING AT US! I RESOLVED TO NOT BE INVOLVED IN ANY VIOLENT GUNFIGHTS THIS YEAR. THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLE!!! 11:00: We made it to our ship, but not before the amphibians blasted a hole in my favorite scarf. "Put your back into it," he said. "We can't leave these fuel cells here," he said. "No man gets left behind," he said. My feathers are singed and we lost those fuel cells. Fuck you, Twitch. Fuck you, you slimy amphibian jerkwads. Ugh. No man gets left behind, Twitch. But fuel cells do.
Captains Log: Day Three Met up with out first client today on Beta Malgoris Fendal II. Paid me extra for making the trip a day early, apparently the Apex valued his office supplies and test tubes. With time to kill I hit up a local tavern, not as nice as Hawke's back on Avalon, but friendlier crowd. I haven't been shot at yet, 'cept for Jay yesterday. I fixed the creak after that, it turns out it was just some insecure panels in the air duct. Not sure how it came loose, but it's all good now. Got a nice tip about a frog on Beta Zena III D looking to trade up crude fuel for high grade at three times the normal conversion. We'll be hitting a fish colony soon so some crude resources will fetch a price with their metal treatment facilities. --- Waiting on the frog now, meet location is horrible. Has us meeting him in a swamp, way to play into stereotypes, asshole. --- Frog guy showed up. Unarmed, which is good. No fuel on hand, which is bad. He wants us to drag the cargo deeper into the swamp. I'm not going anyplace until I see his end of the deal --- We are pinned down with the cargo. Apparently we were set up, the heavy coverage of all the trees here in the swamp is preventing us from beaming on board the ship. We are taking fire from six or seven guys, they came out of nowhere! --- Cargo is sinking. I told Jay to cover me while I pulled it loose. She dropped her gun into the swamp and it's gone. Threw her my spare las-pistol, and she dropped that too. Swamp - 2 Jay - 0. Note to self, use a hover platform to transport cargo on-planet next time. Jay is whining about being shot at, she is screeching at me like a banshee to leave the fuel behind. She obviously has no idea how much this stuff is worth. --- Lost the cargo. Jay refused to help pull with me and the swamp ate it. Beta Zena III D now is the home of the richest, well armed swamp in the universe thanks to Jay.
Star Diary: Day Five 13:00: I think I finally got all the swamp ooze out of my feathers. My clothes were a lost cause. Rather than wash them one more time I chose to incinerate them. Held a quiet funeral. Twitch was not in attendance. I would have invited him, but he seems to think swamp ooze is becoming and improves his airs of masculinity. It doesn't. 13:45: After the funeral for my ruined clothing, I settled into a pair of comfortable pants and headed to the kitchen for my post-funeral ritual. There is nothing like a hot bowl of mac'n'cheese to chase the blues away. This one's to you, scarf and vest. This one's to you. 13:52: All the mac'n'cheese is gone. Hopelessly depressed. 13:55: Where could it have gone? We packed so much. I packed so much. I even put my name on it. Twitch knows I need this. Did he eat it? How could he do that to me? 13:57: HE ATE MY FUNERAL-FEEL-BETTER MAC'N'CHEESE. JAY DESTROY. 14:05: Can't find Twitch. This is very rude of him. He should be available when I want to murder him. My schedule is very tight. I have other things to do today. 14:07: Found Twitch. He ran away screaming like a little girl when he saw me. That says "guilty" to me. 14:09: Have armed myself now that I've seen the guilt on his face. I will avenge you, mac'n'cheese. You deserved better than this. 14:15: TWITCH. ACCEPT YOUR FATE. YOU HAVE EARNED THIS. YOU MAC'N'CHEESE STEALING BASTARD. 14:21: I have him cornered in a dead end, now. His only other choice is to escape into the air lock loading bay. Either way, I win. I'm going to enjoy this.
(( As a connoisseur of the fine food mac n' cheese, I must state Jay has refined taste and is suffering a horrible dilemma.))
Captains Log: Day Five Caught Jay crying in the corridor over her scarf. I don't think she realizes how many scarfs I could have bought her if our fuel trade had actually gone through. She smelled like soot, I think she may be burning some sort of effigy of me in her room with the dirty looks I keep getting. I am going to just pretend she hasn't sabotaged our work at every turn and give her a temporary clean slate, at least until the dirty looks clean up. --- I think Jay has gone mad. I walked by the kitchen on my way to the bridge. I could swear she was sobbing at first, but then I just started hearing lots of banging. Pots and pans, what I could only assume was drawers being ripped out... I decided to get out of there when she started screaming bloody murder. The auto pilot would handle the navigation, so I decided to catalog the remaining cargo, far from Ms. Crazy-go-nuts. --- It is Jay's time of the month. She just pointed at me in the cargo bay and howled "YOOOOOOOOOU!" before she came at me with murder in her eyes. I made myself scarce. --- I saw Jay rip a plank right off one of the storage crates. She is now brandishing at me. Send help. --- Goodbye Universe. --- With grace and style I easily out maneuvered Jay. She thinks she is so smart with her giant slab of nail laden wood, but I showed her. I crawled into the venting duct to make my grand escape. She tried to follow, I think, but I can only imagine she is still trying to fit her weapon through the grating I pulled loose. Either way, I should have an easy enough time making my way back to the bridge. I can lock her out from there until she ceases her womanly bleeding phase. --- Encountered a small hitch. Seems the venting system is barricaded with empty boxes of what looks like mac & cheese. I'll have to go around. --- I found what was causing the issue with the creaking.
Star Diary: Day Five-five 14:30: He escaped into the air ducts. I can hear him clattering around up there. He has to come down eventually. I'll wait. 14:45: The fuck is he doing up there? I've been following the sounds of his sad and ill fated escape throughout the ship. He thinks he's sneaky, but I can hear him muttering curses. I think I'll start banging the ducts with this plank. That'll move him along. 14:50: He didn't like that. He's screaming bloody murder. HA HA HA HA HA. 14:51: ... the vent is oozing? What the fuck? 14:52: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 14:53: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWKAFLKDHFSAGDSGSDGS 14:55: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TWITCH DID BUT THERE'S SOME KIND OF MONSTER COMING OUT OF THE VENT HOLY FUCK 14:56: DID IT EAT HIM? NO... I CAN STILL HEAR HIM SCREECHING AT ME BUT SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING 14:58: IS THAT MY MAC'N'CHEESE?????????? YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT MONSTER I WILL END YOU!!! 15:00: I SET IT ON FIRE 15:01: FIRE NOT HELPING 15:02: FIRE REALLY NOT HELPING NOW IT IS PISSED AND ALSO ON FIRE AND SMELLS LIKE BURNING CHEESE WHAT DID I DO 15:04: ABORT MISSION
Twitch: If you can read this, listen carefully. You need to head to the kitchen and get milk. 2 cups per pound of monster, preferably 2% although nonfat works too. Then y'gotta throw it at the monster and find a way to bring the flames up to about 425* Fahrenheit. Let it simmer like that for about ten minutes, having Jay stir occasionally, then garnish with parsley and breadcrumbs. That should fix your problem. I know this sounds weird, but trust me. I'm a chef. We know these things.
Captains Last Will and Testament: Day OHMAIGODWTF I don't know what this thing is. The light up here is horrible. I am crawling in some sort of cheesy slime though... it's disgusting but oddly alluring, in terms of scent. I think it's asleep, or in it's death throws because it is making a weird bubbly noise that somewhat sounds like snoring. Decided to back up down the vent and not disturb it, Jay will have to plug the red tide, because we have things to discuss. --- Something is banging on the vent, I think it... oh god. It's waking up. Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii- --- I think I'm safe, it sort of just poured itself out of one of the venting ducts, maybe it realized the stress it was causing on my fragile heart and went someplace to curl up and die... maybe in a box so we can conveniently ditch it on some backwater planet. --- Jay is screaming a lot down there. Maybe this is one of those earth sharks, it smelled blood and went after weak prey. R.I.P. Jay, I'll see your stuff goes to a good home. --- I think Jay is still alive, I hear her screaming still. Crawled out of the vents and found my rifle, going to go see if I can shoot this thing in the back while it's eating her. --- EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE AND MY SHIP SMELLS LIKE REGRET, WHY YOU DO THIS JAY --- I am starting to think whatever this creature comes in contact with, it absorbs the traits of. Breakdown. - Eats Mac & Cheese = Becomes cheddar goo monster - Lit on Fire = Becomes burning cheddar goo monster - Shoot in back with plasma rifle = Becomes GIANT PLASMA DEATH BEAST WITH BURNING CHEDDAR HATRED IN ITS HEART --- Jay is with me now. I have devised a great plan to use her as a distraction if it manages to catch up to us. --- Security breach alarms are going nuts. Aborted operation: Sacrifice Jay to the Cheddar God. It's so big now we can outrun the thing, but it's melting the ship, if it busts through the hull, we are seven shades of screwed! --- Jay suggested we ditch it in space. We are going to attempt to get it into the airlock.
Star Diary: Day Probably Dead 15:12: Twitch is alive. Shot horrible monster with plasma rifle. Horrible monster is now a horrible plasma monster. 15:13: WE'RE GOING TO DIE 15:15: NOT DEAD YET 15:16: ONLY A MATTER OF TIME 15:17: Okay so this thing is slow as hell but it's also ruining the fucking ship. Maybe we can make it to my ship and get the fuck off this death trap. 15:18: Nevermind nope the monster definitely is melting all the routes out of this place we're so going to die 15:20: WAIT. I HAVE IT. THE AIR LOCK. 15:21: Twitch didn't even argue. The way back is clear. This'll be fine. IT'S FINE. WE GOT THIS. 15:25: DIDN'T CONSIDER HOW TO GET HORRIBLE MONSTER INTO AIRLOCK 15:26: I DON'T THINK WE GOT THIS 15:27: TWITCH SUGGESTED I BE BAIT. HE IS A FUCKING ASSHOLE. 15:30: Cutting through the cargo bay. Grabbed some booze we jacked from Hawke. Potentially bait. Potentially something to numb the fiery death that is to come. 15:33: IT'S ABSORBING EVERYTHING 15:34: THIS WAS A MISTAKE 15:36: TOO BIG FOR AIRLOCK NOW. CEILING MELTING 15:37: ABOOOORT MISSSSSSION
Log: ??? Reached the cargo room. We don't have much in the way of food items, just some crates of Hawke's booze I liberated from his store room last week. Figured we can use it to lure the thing into the air lock. Jay suggested we drink it all and wait for the end, but it's mostly Hawke's supply of battery acid. I'd rather die then drink a box of that. --- Locked the supply crate down. We should be good to wheel it behind us. When it gets to the airlock, we can use the ducts to get out like I did when Jay was after me. Situation is looking good. --- SITUATION FUBAR --- HOLY CROW! IT ATE IT ALL, ALL MY SOLARIUM, ALL THE EXPLOSIVES, ALL THE STIM KITS, IT'S THE SIZE OF THE WHOLE CARGO BAY NOW, IT'S EATING THE SHIP FROM THE INSIDE OUT. --- I can see my breath. Life support systems can't keep up with all the breaches. We tried sealing off the cargo bay but the damage is too extensive. --- Light headed. If we can't get to Jay's shuttle we are going to die... Jay and I are going to die here in space... --- I'm sorry.
