Completion of sorts. I've made my persuasion stim. Do I even consider using it? Much like a barbiturate in action, but with a profound increase in the way the subject can be influenced. For the short duration under it's effects the subject will be open to any strong suggestion. This sounds exactly like what the 'Queen of Diamonds' would use. I find myself pining for those days, when everyone was a sucker to be used, and money was the only thing that mattered. I was free then. Not burdened with guilt or this need to be a better person. Viz, what have you done to me... What started out as a social experiment has go completely awry. I never wanted this for myself, not before. Now I can't seem to make myself go back. Am I making a mistake here. It's too soon to tell and too late to stop. I think I'll keep this stim to myself. I'll know when the time comes to use it.
Information I have gathered so far: Mars: Seems kind, but somewhat scary at the same time. He took me in once to hide me when I was being hunted. Didn't even think twice. I eavesdropped on an interrogation he did. I think he has a need to understand people and their motives. To what ends I can only guess. Asa/Red: Distant and cool, my offer of friendship was rebuffed. Carries a great katana. Looks like she knows how to use it, too. She's a no-nonsense type. Gareth: I talked with him a few times, he gave me some advice, I think it's sound. Luna: I really know nothing about her, except she is married to Gareth. Psy: Major attitude there. Hit on me once. Carries a large sword around. Never seen her in a fight. Raylorn: Seems like a good friend of Viz's. He helped me out with my pirate trouble. I really should thank him for that. Very stoic and serious. Tough fighter. Turns out he's a pretty good cook too. Varkun: A prankster, he dyed Viz's hair pink, and painted his ship pink too. Watched him fight Ray some, seems to be able to hold his own. Wave: A hired bard? She's quite the character, and is always able to make me laugh with her bad jokes. Nox: I see him from time to time, but I really know little about him. He has this aura of danger about him, though. Leads the Wolves. Vivian: An engineer? She has a speech device, I overheard her say it was because her vocal cords were deformed. Is with Viiker. Viiker: Is rash to the extreme. It seems I hear about trouble with him all the time. Griss: I see her with Wave a lot, has been very friendly towards me. Viz: Where to start? I find myself opening up to him more everyday. I can hardly hold any secrets from him. I told him, showed him my darkest secret. He looks past all my faults and failings as if they were nothing. How does he do that? I don't deserve him. I'm too selfish to let him go though. Most certainly my greatest weakness. There are others, more that I can't even really say anything about. I shall try harder. Why do I even care? they most certainly haven't noticed me like I have them. Is it the group, or Viz that draws me to them. I'm going to try to become a wolf if I can. Even if I have to fight. Rhapsody has found me, and she wants my stim. I don't know what bothers me more about her, that she would so callously use people, or that I am just like her. I still have trouble seeing people as actual people. What is wrong with me? Anyways, I think I will sleep now, and worry about all this later.
I'm writing this entry from the bed of a medical facility. To the asshole who did this to me, I hope you're made to suffer before you die. Also, thank you. This new me had been trying so hard to give and recieve kindness, and doing so well, she'd forgotton that it is all lies. People use each other, and kindness is just another way to manipulate. The old me would of known, would of never been in this mess. And what a mess this is. Quarantined, cut off, and set aside. I manipulate viruses, if I could just get somewhere to study this thing. I hate being stuck here while having to trust others to figure this out. You know what, screw that, I won't trust anyone to solve this mess. I'll figure this out myself, I'll use the lab here. Anything is better than just letting this happen. Viz can't touch me, and I'm glad for that. Oh god, I want to trust him so badly. Can I trust anyone, though. Can he trust me? Can I trust me? Wouldn't the kind thing to do here is to just let him go? I could die from this, or worse, lose my mind completly. I'm too selfish. I want to keep him. So I will. But if things turn for the worse, I'll let him go. Then 'disappear'. That's all the kindness I have left in me.
These bastards! I'm not a patient, I'm a prisoner and lab rat. It's unconscionable that they force me to stay here, as if I'm some child who doesn't understand the importance of what's happening. Dr. Heartplucker was sympathetic, But that asshole Oak is getting to me. He doesn't give a crap beyond advancing his research. He listens to every word I say, I bet he watches me piss, too. I need to get out of here. I vomited blood today. I'm running out of time. More and more people are being brought here, I heard Asa was here, too. I wonder what the wolves think about all this. My only visitor has been Viz, and he almost got thrown out. I saw Vivian, but I never talked to her. I wish I had, it gets very lonely here. I think I will go down to the recreational room now. I got to try to keep my energy up.
