((This is Thornblade's journal, which is stored on his ship and synced across all his devices. If you gain access to one off these devices it would be relatively easy to access the journal if you looked hard enough)) Alright. So I have decided it would be a good idea to start recording what has been happening in my life, because my life has been going freaking crazy lately. Ok, well, where to start? I suppose I should start at when I started going to the Wolves Den.... Basically, I had heard of this place called the Wolves Den. It was just a bar, but I figured it would be a good place to kick back and relax after work. I would often go there, get a few drinks, do some work, and maybe chat a few people up. I'm not gonna lie, during that time I was starting to feel pretty down. You know, I had always told myselve that all I needed in life to make myself happy was money. But the thing was, while I had good money, I wasn't making as much cash as I was hoping. You know, it's kinda depressing to be honest. Good old Grandpa Gramps, he taught me so damn much. He was a brilliant trader and stockbroker, always knowing how to make lots of money. He had such high hopes for me.... and I let him down. Compared to him, I am a disgrace as a stockbrock, a fraud, a poser.... And not only that, I am also a coward. I could have saved him..... I'm sure of it. But I let him die. You know.... that's what the problem with this world is.... good people like GG die, while scum like me survive. I have been feeling empty and cold for so damn long, and rightfully so... But everything changed when I meet this girl named Luna at the Wolves Den. She was kind to me, and we quickly became friends. She is just so much fun to be around... So what did I do next.... ah yes... I joined the Ailanthus Tribe. Basically, I haven't seen my family for so long.... I have been feeling homesick, I guess you say. The Ailanthus Tribe feels familiar... like home, you could say. It makes me feel good to be there. I should probably go visit again at some point.... What happened next... o yeah, I remember now. I fucked up, like usual. Basically, they damn racists in Holy Fleet had banned Florans from Liberty Mills. But I had been trying to arrange a under the table deal with the Liberty Mills leadership. I apparently decided it was a wise move to go and try and continue to do the the deal. Grandpa Gramps probably would have smacked me upside the head for my stupidity. But anyway, I decided to go and do the deal. Almost instantly upon landing on the planet, I got intercepted by a Holy Fleet Official. I tried to get past him, but it was no use. He just got more violent with me, and eventually they just started shooting me. I got hit in the upper arm and lower leg before I managed to excape. The whole situation just makes me mad, to be honest. I mean, they could of arrested me and /not/ tried to kill me. But no, they had to shoot me and almost get me killed. I just can't stand those religious fanatics as it is anyway. So yeah, at that point I was bleeding out on my ship. I remembered the goodwill of the people at the Wolves Den, and decided that it was best that I go there. I warped down, and lucky happened to come across Luna and Omen right by the warp pad. Seeing my sorry state, they took me to the hospital and /saved my freaking life/. So then what happened..... Oh yes news that brings so much happiness into my heart. Luna had been starting to date this guy Gareth right? Well, he proposed to her.... and Luna said yes. When they told me the news at the Wolves Den I was so happy for them. You know, Gareth is really a great guy. He can be quiet and all, but you can really see he cares about Luna and he is nice to just about everyone he meets. Him and Luna have just this synergy together, it just seems so right that they are getting married. It lights a fire in my heart, its something worth defending, something worth fighting for. If I ever had to do something to save the lives of those two and keep them together, I wouldn't even hesitate, I would do it. But anyway, I offered to get Luna and Gareth custom made suits for the wedding... and they allowed me to help! It fills me with such pleasure to be able to help my friends out. I already promised myself I would get them the perfect suits at the perfect price, and I will not take defeat as a option. So next I made another stupid mistake, this time severely miscalculating a few stock decisions, and ended up losing alot of money. If only I had listened more carefully to what Grandpa Grampas said, I bet it would have have never happened. Looking back, the warning signs were all there, I just missed them in my rush to make a quick buck. Now, I wasn't financial destroyed by this, but it really shook me up. I felt like I was beginning to lose track of my life. I talked to Luna and Gareth about this, and told them how I felt kinda lost. They listened to me, and told me about the Armoured Wolves, which it turned out they were members of. I went to Nox, the leader of the Wolves, and after asking me a few questions and telling me how everything worked around the place, he let me become a Pup. It felt so good to finally join a group, be a part of something bigger, especially with my friends by my side. Next I had a nice friendly fight with Luna. We both agreed to it, and we went to the Wolve's Den Arena to fight. It was exalting and fun. You know, I haven't got in any fun fights for a while.... I had been to busy doing official business and such to really find the time and a good excuse. She is good, I tell you that. To be honest, her skill has me outclassed. She got a good slash to the arm on me, pulled my leaves out, bruised my back, and really gave my face a beating. I got some damage on Luna though too. I got a good slash on her, got her a bloody nose.... and then it happened. It was after Luna ripped my leaves out. I just lost control. My anger, my rage, it just overtook me. I watched as my rage drive me to go and stab Luna in the chest... and puncture her lung. It was that deed that finally made me snap out of it and regain control... but at that point it was already too late. I had critially injured Luna. She then kind went all out on my face, but I deserved that. Raoul came in and healed us up, then said he was gonna fight us. We fought him, but he stopped the fight just when it was getting good, I have to say. Ever since that fight, I have been getting nightmares every night. These nightmares.... they really shake me to my core. They generally start with a regular day at the Wolves Den. I'm sitting at a table with Luna and Gareth, and all the rest of the Wolves are there, along with all it's regular visiters. We are having a great time when suddenly everything fades from red to black very quickly, and screaming and anguish are heard. Then everything reappears, but, dear god is it bad. Everyone in the Den is dead, all killed by stabbing. Blood, sap, and oil litter the place by all the dead bodies. Then I look at myselve, and see myselve covered in blood, sap, and oil.... but none of the sap is mine. I look to my hand..... and I see.... the knife, bloody with the blood of innocents. I hear voices in my head saying "it's your fault" over and over again. At this point I generally wake up, and let me tell you, I'm freaked out. Like, what kinda of sick monster am I that I'm having these dreams! What if, like in the dream, I were to lose it and kill someone I care about! I feel afraid to sleep now, as I know it is only gonna bring more nightmares..... Ugh... I'm really starting to wilt now too. This Wolves Den just doesn't get enough sunlight.... I'm beginning to feel lightheaded and weak from time to time....But hopefully I will be fine.... hopefully.
Well, guess it's about time for another journal entry. Remember those nightmares I was having? Gareth helped me stop having them by giving me some good advice on how to manage such things. It turns out he was having nightmares at one point too. I think It is really nice that my friends are so supportive, I mean, they are always there to help me or give me advice when I'm down. Yeah and then some crazy stuff happened the next day! This Glitch named Darkseid went and fought the Wolves and I in front of the Wolves Den. It was pretty crazy, and in the end he exploded when he got defeated, doing some considerable damage to the Den. From what I heard about this guy, he was pretty bad. I'm glad he is gone now. So after that, I was put on a assignment by Nox. He said he had heared rumors of a second black market, and wanted me to investigate it immediately. I told it I would get right on it, and I'll tell you, I worked pretty hard I feel. My travel to find this second black market took me very far away, so I was unable to visit the Wolves Den to relax.... not that I would have had much time for that anyway. I was busy talking to people, and trying to find this second black market. I've meet some pretty interesting and scary folk on this journey, and they gave me leads that sent me all over. I learn that this rumored black market is a space port orbiting an abandoned industrial planet. From what I heard, this planet use to be a huge center for durasteel. It's mines produced the the raw material, and it factories, produced the durasteel. The durasteel was the sent up to this space port. This space port, in it's prime, saw so much trade and hustle and bustle. It was a center for trade activity! But alas, it's glory days came to a end. The planets durasteel production fell as raw material came harder and harder to come by, and trade routes moved as more cost efficient routes were found and new colonies popped up. Eventually, many on the planet where forced to leave as the economic incentive was low and the planet had reached a truly toxic state, of which it remains today. But the space port remained, as did the criminal underground, which resulted in a large black market popping up on the space port. So I spent all this time talking about this space port, but I haven't even said if I found it yet. I did! Well, kinda. After finally figuring out the location and cross checking my sources, I finally warped to the location of the space port. I brought the ship out of it's warp and BANG! My ship got hit by a bunch of space debris. It was everywhere! It was all that was left of the spaceport, which I later learned had been recently destroyed due to a disagreement between two large crime gangs involving a whole lot of money and some old grudges. The said disagreement resulted it what I have been told was a epic space battle, with heavy losses on both sides and the complete destruction of the space port. It was actually quite in the Wolve favor that the port got destroyed, because I was able to convince all sorts of "interesting" characters that the Wolves Den black market was a great place to do business. I sure Nox will be pleased with all the new business moving in! Hmmm.... well that's really all I've been up to lately..... but to be honest, even with all the cool stuff I have been doing, I kinda miss my friends. You know, before, I use to be alone, and maybe I would have few thoughts about my family or Grandpa Gramps, but generally I did did pretty well by myself. Not anymore! I seem to quickly get lonely when I'm by myself. My thoughts seem to allows wander.... but recently my thoughts have been stuck on Malkov Obfuscate. His death... well, his death troubles me. I only meet Malkov on a few occasions, and from what I could tell he seemed like a good person.... and now he is dead. Due to the job I've been doing, I missed the funeral, which had me a bit upset. I guess I never really cared much for the emotions of others, but I can only imagine the pain some of the Wolves who where closer to him must be feeling, for they have lost a brother. Not only that, but the death of Malkov has made me think of something I fear greatly, that being death. Some people say they don't fear death. I'm not one of those people. It's easy to forgot that by being a Wolve, you put yourself in grave danger. Myself or any of my friends could die on one of the missions we go on. There is nothing I fear more then the loss of those closest to me.... Speaking of those closest to me, I really haven't seen my family for a while. I think it's about time I pay them a visit. It will be nice to catch up!
I can barely type right now, I can barely breath, I can barely function. I feel fucking sick. They are all fucking gone. All of them. My tribe, my parents, my cocoon-kin, the Glitch.... god dammit. It can't be possible. But it fucking happened. This fucking shit happened. I don't know where to start. Maybe when I beamed down and all I saw was pure fucking devastation where the village was supposed to be. Everything was gone. That really sent a nice little shock through me. I was so shocked I didn't believe what had happened. I wandered around a bit like the useless piece of garbage I am until I found it. A mass grave. A goddamn fucking mass grave. There was a plaque with names of the decreased on it. All my family, all my childhood friends, all those Glitch I knew.... dead. Gone. Forever. I fucking lost it. I felt, and still feel, so hurt, so sad, so angry, just filled with pure rage. I collapsed into tears next to that mass grave. With nothing for me to destroy in my rage, I simply tore up my face. I cried next to that grave until I ran out of tears to cry. I laid next to that grave for a long time. I thought about all I had lost. Like my Mom and Dad. They where always such good parents, teaching me all the things a Floran should know, helping me when I'm down, raising me right. They cared about me alot... And all my friends. The times we had. Hunting, pulling pranks, fun fights..... we were all pretty close... And my Glitch mentors. Always answering my questions, teaching me how to do math, read, write... So patient with me.... Dammit..... My cocoon-kin...... Why the fuck did they all have to die and I surived! What kind of cruel, sick universe do we live in? I really don't understand. Of all the people to survive, why me! I feel like I've should of been there. I don't know what I would have done, but I would tried something to save them. Maybe I would have had news of the meteor strike and helped them excavate. Or maybe I would have just left them to die, like I did with Grandpa Gramps....... I feel so empty, so cold, so lifeless right now. I feel as if my soul had been ripped right out of me, and I am the useless husk that remains. My motivation, my drive, it's.... gone. There's just... no point anymore. it's all so helpless. I don't know what to do anymore..... I feel so lost....
