((These logs serve as Sanguine's journal where in he describes any day he chooses, they are unknown to anyone, except for himself, because he records them with his wrist-device alone, mostly, and will either need to be hacked or stolen from him to be known of)) Audio log 1. Today not much out of the ordinary happened, just the usual "Hey" and "Hi" and drinking of alcoholic beverages, didn't get to see pee-pants, makes me sad, maybe he's dead or something.. *chuckles* Sharp did her best drinking which resulted in her getting drunk, it was funny to see. I.. what was it again, oh yeah, have to remember to stay in contact with Blood, he's getting me a nuke, wonder what I'll blow up.. no time to choose now I'll just see about that later. Haven't heard from 'Gilly in a while, that's good I guess, means nothing bad happened. That's about it.. oh yeah and I'm getting a new beating stick so psyched for that! Yeah, that's about it, now, how the fuck do I turn this o--*Recording ends abruptly*
Audio log 2. Why was I doing this again? Oh yeah because all the cool kids are doing it, nearly forgot.. Alrighty, today I met and old friend, I think he used to be my friend anyways, Wintermute was his name he dresses real techy and funky, though not as funky as Yung, where is Yung anyways? Probably doing superstar things.. So I brought Wintermute to Taranis and showed him around, we were screaming things and Sharpy hissed and Astora said some things I can't remember. Good times, good times, and now at the twilight of my existance I.. oh yeah.. I'm still young.. DO PARTIES AND GO TO DRUGS! I'm going to Stark soon, some Hylotl promised to arrest me there so I have to, you know? Ofcourse I know, I just said it. It'll be a blast I already know it. Note to self: Buy more peppers and bleach, running out of chili. Also I have to buy more ham. *The next few seconds of the recording seem to be sounds of Sanguine praising ham* Have a good day me, I hope you can listen to this when you're old, don't get killed!
Audio log 2.1. Currently at Stark, waiting for that Hylotl, wonder how long it'll take her to show up. I hope she's dressing well this time around. I will not be arrested by someone that isn't appropriately dressed.
((The bold text that appears later signifies speech of a stranger)) Audio log 3. All out of ham now.. I think the next best thing to do is find Sharp and have her harm me, can't wait. Hope she's around though, else I'll have to find strangers to do that and they usually say odd things like; *Puts on a higher pitched voice* 'Oh my god why did you stab me, blah blah blah, you monster, hurr durr I'm going to kill you, you freak!' *A little bit of grumbling can be heard* --Bastards! Just smile and accept my way of doing things and it will be alright but Nooooo! They've got to tell me their 'laws' and lock me up because I'm a 'danger to the general well-being of others' *sigh* I mean the least they could do is torture me in whatever jail they put me in.. but they're just lazy butt-faces.. *relieved sigh* *Sound of a door opening* Oh shit.. -Who are you and what are you doing in my house?! Explain yourself! Better question is, what are /you/ doing in /my/ house? -Get the fuck out of here! *Gunshots can be heard* Bye! *Recording ends with a crackle of static*
Audio log 4. Holy shit it's finally done, ol' Blood finished the nuke, I'm so happy I might turn into ham.. ohh ham I love you.. Buying that bulk shipment of it was a great idea, best investment of pixels ever! Now all I have to do is find a useful target to use it on.. The nuke that is, not the ham, the ham is mine.. forever.. and anyone that tries to take it from me will die a torture-death! Yay! But I love everyone! Which in it's turn conflicts with the fact that I hate everyone! *A brief moment of silence* -Fuck! But I would never use it on ham.. *The sound of meat being dragged across a wooden floor can be head* No, I love you ham, who's the tasty? You are! yes you are, yes you are! *Relieved sigh* I just realized that I'm probably not eating ham.. I mean where in the universe would those pigs be anyways? Ehh not that I care, it tastes and looks JUST like it! *Takes a bite from the dusty ham and speaks with a full mouth* Oh yeah also psyched for the new farm I'm building, it's going to be an explosion of healthy fruits and vegetables.. too bad ham doesn't grow on plants..! *Swallow and a gasp* Oh wow, maybe they do and that's where it comes from! I should really look into the product that takes up 90% of my diet.. Anyways, bye for now! *Recording ends with a click*
Audio log 5. Almost forgot, got invited to a ball, have to remember to obtain a nice dress that shows off my butt.. Remember you sum' bitch! *Click*
Audio log 6. Yay, the ball is almostly there, awesome, can't wait, Remilia didn't respond to my date invite thingy, I guess I'll take a leg of ham then.. Can't go wrong with ham! I got the prettiest dress ever now, only cut the top a little to fit my beautiful form and butt! Ohh jolly it's so pretty I'm going to be the prettiest there! PRETTY-PRETTY-PRETTY-PRETTY-PRETTY! Oh yeah, spend yesterday in jail.. or was it longer than that? I don't know but during that time I got two other people locked up, I'm so awesome! The first one I got there to actually bust me out with the promise of clothes, fuel weapons and more, and the other, 'Big-eye' I got him there by taunting him over the radio, see! I'm even useful when I'm in jail! The only bad part was that the only form of entertainment I had was an amateur torturer for a small amount of time and my slightly broken radio thingy! Awesome! I am! I am awesome! Awesome awesome awesome! I am! Awesome! That's a haiku by me, cool huh? Yeah it is.. *Some shuffling of a cloth bag can be heard* *Talks with a full mouth* All I have left is my leg of ham.. *Sobs slightly* Fucking Astora took the sandwhiches.. *A biref moment of sobbing* I WILL DO THINGS TO YOU IN YOUR SLEEP ASTORA! I WILL MAKE YOU LOVE ME FOREVER! 'Kay bye! *Click*
Audio log 7. The ball was pretty calm, only one deaththreat and only one person stabbed, woo, laws! *click*
Audio log 8. Yay I killed some strangers while digging for ham! They were digging too but there can be only one ham-baron, a man must protect his products! I strung up their bodies in like a dream catcher thingy but huge and for catching corpses not for catching dreams, it looks really pretty.. Anyways, I hired Lydia.. I think that's what she's called to throw ham at Aiko and to follow Payt around, calling him Payt, which is not his name and he dislikes people calling him that. Note: It was old ham, no need to worry.. Old ham sucks, just like old people, they're better off being all dead and stuff because they take up place that I could use for digging ham! Oh yeah, there's a new golden Glitch in town, he has Astora's armour, I don't know why though, maybe he killed Astora, which means I inherit all of Taranis, Woo! Uhhh.... oh yeah some doctor sold me medicine for my mental stuff but it tasted shitty so I fed it to some birds.. they died.. Yeah that's about it, bye! Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye,--*click*!
Audio log 9. Woop-wooooooo, killed- I mean I beat John in an arena fight today, for the SECOND TIME, I AM SO FUCKING AWESOME, I parried an incoming attack and sliced his had in half! So friggin' awesome, woop-woop wooooo! Also, I may or may not be killing that weird new Hylotl lady.. Yay!
Audio log 10. ((Bold text later again signifies text of a stranger)) *The crowd of an avian colony can be heard* I feel like a ham omelette, not like one, baked and all but I want to eat one.. And what do I see walking by? That's right, an Avian mother with an egg in her hands.. That's a really big egg.. could make like.. TWO omelettes out of that! *Sanguine is silent but the crowding can still be heard* I AM HUNGRY! *Loud running can be heard amongst the crowding, Sam's running* GIVE ME YOUR BABY! *A bit of ruffling can be heard* No! Don't take my child, guards! Just give me the egg! *After some ruffling Sam screams:* YOUR CHILD WILL BE MY LUNCH, BYE LADY! Guards he took my child get him! *Shooting can be heard along with the unsheathing of weapons and loud screams demanding Sam gives her her child back* Woop-woo! Lunch time! Okay bye! *Click*
AUDIO LOG 11. Some rummaging can be heard that of an old carboard box whose contents' jimmies are being rustled by a skinny pale hand, the audio recorder happens to be on inside the box and recording these sounds, eventually a voice can be heard, Sam's voice: "Where'd I leave the thing?" The box is picked up and emptied on the warmed steel floor, a lot of loud noise follows this the noise of all kinds of old items, empty cannisters of food and other things clatter, some things breaking on the hard floor, and even the sound of the sturdy audio recorder drops on the floor it's impact very loud due to it recording the sound immediately. "What the fuck?" Sam asks himself in deep thought. Sam picks the audio recorder up, some crackling and squeeking is heard as he holds the recorder close to his face. "This thing still on?" He once again asks in great thought and speculance. "WELL, TIME TO BE AWESOME FOR MY FUTURE PERSON SELF!" Sam sits down on his couch the couch creaks and almostly collapses since it was not made of quality, it was just a couch he happened to find a long time ago. "Hey-hey, guys and gals and.. ME! Today I'm going to talk to you about ham; Ham, have you ever tried it? No? Well you should because else I'm going to do to you what I did to Hans, and that isn't really nice, unless you're into that sort of thing.. ((Continued later because I couldn't finish it right now))
