Ziggy Downsilk's Personal Journal

*This particular tome is a battered and worn leather journal, despite being nearly empty, tucked under the console of the ICS Astral Maelstrom*

Today I entered the sector known as the Antares Frontier. This is supposedly a mostly-unsettled region. It's not unusual for huge stretches of space. As far as I can tell, there's nothing particularly remarkable about the planets or colonies here. Given some time I might find something interesting. That aside, the most interesting experiences often come from the people I meet. And I've certainly met more interesting people today than in any previous sector. Given I've only been on my own for about a year now.

The first person I came across actually bumped into me on a more than irriguous forest planet. It wasn't his fault, I just failed to step off the beam pad quickly enough. He's a pleasant Apex fellow named Bentry. Like me, he was new and just visiting for the sake of exploration. I think. I have no idea, he could have been on his way back to a lab with a couple dozen rotting corpses. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt though.

The second person I met was actually another Avian. Considering the climate, she was a little inappropriately dressed. Something about her made me a little uncomfortable. She asked if I was Grounded. I didn't answer. Before we parted ways she warned me that the Stargazers were in this sector. Splendid. Just what I need.

Next on the list would be yet another Avian. How 'bout that? Unfortunately this one was a worshiper of Kluex. When he mentioned this, I had to leave. What if he'd found out that the Astral Maelstrom was a stolen Stargazer science vessel? He found me, not long after. My stealth could definitely use some work. We were a feather's breadth from sharing a warm meal together when he popped the question. "Do you cling to the ground? Or gaze to the stars?" My blood froze. I had given him a fake name before. Why would I tell the truth about being a Grounded? It doesn't matter, I did it anyway. "I cling to the ground. Firmly." My fists were clenched. I was ready to accept the consequence. Much to my relief, however, he was less than militant in his response. He departed the way he'd come, leaving me in my cave, alone and shivering next to a hastily built fire.

The next day saw me pretty worn down. I didn't get a whole lot of sleep, but I did get an interesting transmission on the radio. Someone was looking for a tussle. I met this person on a space colony stationed in an asteroid field. It was a wonder the architects could find a way to rig it without the asteroids tearing the station apart. The Novakid in question, Eltaes, I believe, was interested in trying out some new hardware. Orange Jane and Blue Mary, maybe? A twin set of revolvers. I was a little too quick for him to land a majority of his rounds, but nobody can dodge bullets forever. When they finally caught up to me it was apparent that the guns lacked enough OOMPH to do me any harm. How lucky for me.

At this point I've had about all the adventuring I can stand without a good night's rest. I returned to the planet where I'd started. That rainy mudball forest planet. Don't get me wrong, it's a glorious place, just too rainy. The inn there surely had an open room. Unfortunately I wasn't the only one in need of the innkeeper's attention. As soon as I opened the door I was greeted with the most terrifying Glitch combatant I've ever seen. As if it weren't enough to wear oil-black robes and armor, this guy had a damned flamethrower strapped to his torso. As it turns out, he's not such a bad guy. Just intimidating. While I was speaking with him, the innkeeper managed to slip away with another guest. A redheaded Human woman. I didn't get to catch her name. I don't remember a whole lot else; I ended up snoozing on a table while waiting for them to finish their business. Until I was rudely awoken by another Novakid. Marx, I think his name was. He was wearing some pretty edgy clothes and wielded an electric guitar. Again, nice fella, just let sleeping dogs lie, right? About this time, a Floran stumbled in, even more intimidating than the Glitch pyroknight. I couldn't tell a whole lot about them, considering the amount of terrifying nightmare fuel they shrouded themselves in. She was, surprisingly enough, sweet enough to not stab and maim us all. In fact, she quite seemed very civil and not as motivated by impulse as some of her racemates. Finally, there's Matthias Salazar, the innkeeper. The Holy Grail. I'd had plenty of time to concoct a deal for a room while waiting for him to finish doing something behind the counter for the redheaded lady. In exchange for the remainder of my pixels (all 13 of them, at the time,) and teaching him how to cook something more impressive than "fish dumplings" for his apparent sweetheart, I'd take the smallest room he had. He refused my offer to my dismay, but fortune was on my side. He instead counter-offered to let me keep my pixels and take the largest room in exchange for teaching him how to cook something impressive. Game on.

After what felt like an eternity of solid slumber and a few minutes of preening feathers back into place, I dropped down to the basement to meet Matthias. After spending a few minutes with him behind the counter it was apparent I misread the chemistry between him and his gal-pal. As long as it still works out in my favor, it's none of my business. I showed him and Marcomanni, the Glitch from the night before, how to cook a wreckin' rack of ribs. Matt loved it so much he offered me a position as chef for the inn in the event that his one applicant didn't show. From the sounds of things, the applicant was the Avian woman I met before. Maybe we can share the job and get to know each other a little better. I have nothing better to do. Who knows, maybe this is a good opportunity?

I don't intend to write an entry this extensive every day, unless something remarkable happens. I just have a lot of free time in this cave that is rapidly flooding at the almost-laughable rate of precipitation on this planet. I really need to find a home...

 

Yesterday was an interesting day. I lost my home, got involved in two shootouts, and survived a Floran feast party. It wasn't all bad, though. I made my first solid ally in this sector.

While I was winding down in my cave for the night, I didn't think anything of the rain above. It seemed a little more vicious than usual, but I've never had a real problem with actual flooding. Until that night. I almost didn't notice until my fire was washed out. The entrance was flooded and it looked like there was no way out. What a terrible way for a bird to go... Drowned in the pitch black oily darkness, trapped underground. Panicked, I fumbled helplessly for my flashlight in my backpack across the room. By now the water was up to my knees. work, dammit, you son of a bitch. No luck. I waded through the darkness, my heart pounding in my chest, my clothes heavy as lead. Eventually I found (with my forehead) the mouth of the cave. After some bitter cursing I drew a breath I prayed wasn't my last and plunged into the abyss. I crawled along the surface of the walls, retracing the tunnels by memory. The raging pain in my torso was almost unbearable, but I had to hang on to that last breath of dank air like it was my most valued treasure. Finally, my hand sank into mud. I'd made it. I crawled, heaving and coughing, onto the muddy bank, filthy water cascading off my body. I laid there for a few minutes, letting the rain punish me for picking such a poorly irrigated hole to call home. After a bit of reminding myself how lucky I'd been, I picked myself up, battered and humiliated, covered in grime, and headed toward the beampad.

After a shower in the crew's quarters of my ship, I beamed back down to Salazar in the hopes of finding Matthias. Maybe he could help me find a place to stay. It just wasn't so. As soon as my feet touched the ground I was greeted by a steadied aegisalt rifle. My heart froze. Until I realized it wasn't pointed at me. There was a Federation officer talking the woman with the rifle down. It wasn't working. I slowly scuttled away to cover, so as not to take a plasma bolt to the forehead. To my surprise, Glauen was on the planet. I never thought to ask why. Regardless, it was a relief to see a friendly face. By the heated conversation between the officer and the USCM marine, I was able to glean that her name was Jenny and she was simply after fuel to reach her delivery point. Hardly necessary to hold civilians at gunpoint, but the USCM apparently come from a different school of thought. The Federation officer, Solly, was someone I had spoken to over the radio a few times. I'd actually intended to meet him sometime to discuss the Federation, but now was hardly the time...

After it was apparent that the woman was not going to cooperate, Glauen and I drew our bows, prepared for the worst. Solly, no doubt, could handle the woman on his own, but what if she had reinforcements? Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, they were able to come to an agreement. She departed gruffly with no further transgression. Great. Nobody's getting shot today. Thankfully nobody involved was hurt. The scene had drawn a crowd, and it would have been a shame to see someone struck with a stray bullet. Everyone piled into the inn for a spot of socializing. Glauen brought us a bottle of Wartwine. Admittedly, I've never been in touch with my own heritage and culture, so it was the first time I'd tried it. It was surprisingly tasty. Anyway, Glauen, like every other Avian I've come across, asked me the question. Avians have a way of reading their own, I guess. He knew I was Grounded. We exchanged pleasantries with a few of the others lingering around the inn before he invited me to his ship. I don't feel comfortable being invited on board others' starships, but I agreed and we were off. His ship was very well-kept and cozy. His SAIL was a very loyal-looking holographic creature that was eager to greet us. He said he wanted to show me something, toward the back of his ship, where his bedroom was situated. What he handed me was a gorgeous work of craftsmanship: a pendant in the shape of a Hylotl's head. It was puzzling, but I knew to wait for an explanation. "Do you know the significance of bunnies in Avian culture?" He asked. I was only vaguely aware that they were meant to represent those that would never fly. The Grounded. "Correct. They represent us." Cursed to hop along the ground for eternity. "Turn it upside-down," he instructed. I did. Upside down, the pendant took the shape of a bunny, the Hylotl's eyes forming the bunny's eyes and nose, the fins now representing the bunny's ears. The illusion was marvelous. What I was holding in my feathered little grabbies was a symbol of the Grounded. Specifically, Glauen's network of Grounded. He proceeded to tell me of others in the system, willing to help each other in times of need. I was speechless. There was one thing I had to do before I could accept his most generous invitation... I had to tell him about what I am, and the things I've done. The things I do to get by. Things my crew doesn't even know. He was obviously troubled by the revelations, but after a pause, he accepted me regardless. Fiercely loyal, I pledged my services to him and his people. If he ever needs anything, all he has to do is call.

We said our goodbyes and I made my way to his ship's beampad. I'd taken enough of his time and enjoyed his company immensely. When I beamed back down to Salazar, I was greeted with the familiar scene of shouting and pointed guns. This time, I had only enough time to get to cover before nearly a dozen shots rang out. Three people were either dead or injured. I couldn't tell from where I stood, it happened too fast. I was hiding atop a gazebo, bow drawn. After a few moments, I had a chance to see who was involved. Marx, the co-mayor of Salazar, and a few other gritty types I hadn't met yet, were standing over writhing, crumpled bodies in the rain. During the confusion, it appeared someone had dropped a gas bomb and a civilian had been struck. Chaos. The crowd eventually dissipated and the bodies of the wounded or dead were carried away for treatment. Is this a common occurrence in the Antares Frontier...?

Spoiler

Several hours later, I beamed to KeroKero in the hopes of having a safe place to sit and write out some plans for the future without prying eyes. Straight off the beampad I was greeted by a gaggle of Florans. I tend to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but these were no doubt starving, as the line to get into the restaurant was backed all the way to the door.

Spoiler

Despite saying things indicating violence, they were able to restrain themselves. Florans are very curious creatures, and it was interesting to watch one of them tamper with the automated turret and intercom system. They gave up waiting for the proprietor and beamed away. Marx and his friend, whom I recognized had been shot in the previous engagement, were also present. They, too, beamed away, having waited long enough for service. I followed suit, not long after, and settled into my ship's chair, scanning the frequencies for any other restaurants serving hot food. I was greeted with a proposal. The Florans were broadcasting an invitation to feast on their home planet. I didn't know Florans were so generous. I considered the distinct possibility that it might be a trap. I had a plan though, in case things went awry. Receiving the beam codes, I followed the instructions and zapped to their pad. I was met without any aggression. Marx, to my surprise, was also there. Maybe he'd been hungry and curious about the feast? We were led by a group of maybe five Florans to an open area. When I say 'open area,' what I really mean, is to a mound of bones, accented with a cooking pot as one may accent a mound of whipped topping with a cherry. Thankfully, the Dionea tribe has a "no hurt guesst" policy. The meat provided was very tender and flavorful, though I suspect it's because it was undercooked. I never thought to ask what kinds of animals roam on this planet. Whatever it came from, it was delicious.

Spoiler

 

*the date is scratched out and unclear, as if it had been changed several times. The ink and pencil is different in some entries, indicating that the whole entry itself was written over the period of several sittings.*

I'm writing this from a hospital bed. My torso is killing me and I think I have a fractured rib. I'm covered in some smelly goop that I really hope is medicine. Some pretty nasty chemical burns are spread around my back. My elbow's fucked and my knee isn't much better. I'm missing feathers all over... molting period can't come fast enough. Anyway, the details...

It was a bright and sunny morning on my favorite ocean planet. The broadcast came in over the radio. It sounded like a recorded message. There was a ton of static so there wasn't really much to go on. From the ship I was able to pick up the transmission a little more clearly. It sounded like a researcher's log detailing the results of some testing and the implications of their funding being cut by their benefactor. That wasn't my problem. Until the recording continued droning on for hours on an endless repeat. Irritated, I traced the source of origin and beamed down with the intention of investigation. I was met by Commander Solour, of all people, dressed in full battle armor and his rifle. He had a friend with him. Admittedly, I never saw the person's face, but they seemed cool, collected, and ready to do battle in a matching set of armor. Naturally curious, I inquired about their purpose for being on the planet. They greeted me and informed me that they, too, were lured in by the broadcast. I offered my help with scouting the overworld, considering light clothing is much easier to scout in. They opted to search a cave near the beam-down coordinates. After a short expedition to the west of the arrival zone, Solly scrambled me on the local radio. They found something, and whatever it was, it was ugly. Time to head back.

When I regrouped with the two, the consequences of our actions became stunningly clear. We were standing in front of a towering metal structure. The doors were open, and what we saw inside sent a wretched shiver down my spine. The floors were caked with dried blood. The windows were smeared and the lights were smashed. ... This isn't like anything I've ever seen. The worst part is, there were no bodies. I have exactly zero combat experience. Solly shoved a sidearm into my hands and ordered me to check the nearby computer terminal's logs for any useful information. Terified, but curious, I complied. The broadcast was originating from the facility, no doubt. Aside from the looping audio logs, no other useful information remained. The computer had been wiped.

After we shut down the broadcast, we heard a voice in the distance. the system's sun was setting, and my feathers standing on their ends told me it was a terrible, terrible idea to continue. We did it anyway, wading through the inky abyss. Solour took the lead. His friend stayed in the middle, and I, with my modest flashlight and handgun, brought up the rear, scanning. I won't lie, this place scared the shit out of me. Not literally. We were moving slowly through the facility, our feet sticking to the floor with every step. damn this place was huge. Or maybe fear warped my sense of time passage. Strangely, as soon as we cut off one audio log-spewing computer, another would activate further in the distance. It was as if they were linked. The information we'd gleaned thus far was that we were in an Apex testing facility. They were referring to a 'subject'. The log detailed experiments on the subject in question. Talk like that sends shivers through me like a ripple in the water. Things I'd rather not repeat, and things that would be classified in the military's eyes. We'd completed our mission. I personally cut the broadcast on each workstation. Still, something wasn't right. The subject was missing.

On the top level of the facility, we were faced with an impassable door and a generator. After a little examination, it was clear that the door was designed to open when the power went out so that the scientists inside weren't trapped by the failed automatic doors. "Turn it off." Fuck me. Fuck me, fuck the military's thorough nature. Fuck this place. Fuck the flickering lights and dancing shadows. Just fuck. So I hit the biggest, roundest, reddest button I could see on the generator, and much to my dismay and all of our expectation, the lights shut off, leaving us in the empty abyss of night time. But hey Solly. At least your fucking door was open. Right? I let the two hulking behemoths clunk their way through first. Beyond the doorway was the roof, bathed in sweet, merciful starlight. It was just bright enough to make our way into a tight formation outside. And that's when the shit hit the fan.

"SKREEEEEEEEE". My blood froze. The most horrifying screech I'd ever heard was followed by the armored stranger's cries of anguish, surprise, and fear. They'd been pounced by the largest, sharpest, most savage Floran I'd ever seen. Its claws tore at their armor like it was paper. I couldn't line up a shot because the monster pounced the middle, putting Solly in my firing line, and me in his. It didn't take long for Solly to knock the creature away with his suit's bare strength. Unfortunately, that just pissed it off. Up to this point I had been shaking and shivering too much to line up a solid shot, but now, the beast focused on me- All I remember is the force of slamming into the filthy floor. I remember covering my throat and eyes with the crooks of my arms to buy precious seconds... I remember the searing pain of its claws burrowing into my flesh. Then, I felt nothing. Was it over? I'd lost my flashlight and weapon when the creature attacked. Everything was dark. I remember scrambling backward, slamming my back against the generator, slamming the button, awakening the lights. It was nowhere to be seen- The monster had fled into the dark facility. Our escape route was blocked.

When I finally started breathing again, my senses returned. There was a dull ache in my shoulders where it had pinned me to the floor. Running a quick mental inventory told me my body was fine. A miracle considering my only protection was a warm jacket, scarf, and a worn pair of jeans. Adrenaline alone drove me to my feet. I scrambled to collect my flashlight and gun, regrouping with Solly and the other. He seemed alright considering the absolute thrashing he received. We were both too lucky. With the element of surprise lost, the monster was going to have a hard time catching us off guard again. We proceeded carefully down the stairs. I swept every corner and nook with my flashlight. When we reached the bottom of the stairs, the stranger took off barreling off after the monster, intent on not letting it get away. Even racking my brain for any possible reasoning, I couldn't imagine why that would seem like a good idea. Even now I'm fucking baffled. Idiot. "Stay close" Solly grumbled. fuckin' okay mister hercules beetle. You got it. Back to back we rolled through the doorway leading out of the staircase, my flashlight punished the dark corner across from us. I trailed the light along the ceiling until it rested on the beast itself. I wanted to warn Solly. I wanted to scream. But no sound came out. The creature took advantage of my paralysis and pounced again, this time scoring two bodies instead of just one. It took Solly this time, gnawing on his facemask with a horrid set of razor sharp biters. All I could do was smash the butt of my sidearm into the back of the Floran's head, trapped under its weight. It ignored me completely. Firing into it at such proximity to us would cause one of us great injury, so I bluffed. I fired several shots into the ceiling to scare the monster. Looking back, I really shouldn't have. The beast sprang up, and so did we. Detecting a larger threat, it lashed out at me with claws as sharp as razors... I don't even remember the pain as I was thrown backwards. I do remember falling from the platform though. And I definitely remember crashing into something flimsy before slamming into the ground below. I remember feeling heat. Voices. Darkness. I heard the stranger return. I heard the familiar sound of electricity being conducted. Every sound I heard was distant and cloudy, like it was a cosmic soup being swirled with a spoon. Was this even real? Was the pain and terror ever real? It was so quiet. So dark.

Then I remembered the pain again. I remember Solly's panicked voice coming over his vocoder. I remember being scooped up like a broken family pet on the side of the road. I remember screaming when I saw the beast chasing us. I don't remember how, or why, but we were on the first floor again. The beast struck Solly from behind and we toppled to the floor. I rolled like a sack of diodias. The pain in my torso was unbearable. My left arm wasn't working well. I did all I could to crawl toward the door. Thank the stars I thought. Thank the stars I turned the generator back on. I turned to see if Solly was following me. He was engaging the beast. Without him, I wasn't going anywhere. I couldn't move my leg. The only weapon I had left was my bow. I was ten or more meters away, and the facility was bathed in darkness. My vision was swimming. I drew the bow from my back and fumbled clumsily for an arrow from the quiver. I nocked the arrow as I'd practiced thousands of times before, shaking and trembling. I braced my back against a wall. I drew the string, my elbow screaming, tears rolling down my face. There they were. I waited, tortured, for several seconds for an opportunity. Finally, the beast raised itself to strike down on Solly. If I was about to die, my last words were going to be "DUCK!" as I let the arrow fly. Darkness.

I don't honestly know what happened. I only remember waking up on board my ship. I was told that an Avian, Aegis Ebonwing, had fixed the lacerations to my chest and some of the chemical burns. My clothes were shredded and soaked with my own blood. I'd never seen so much of my own in one place. Arti had looked over me while I slept. Solly and the stranger must have killed it and turned me in to the hospital. I was later informed that we lost the stranger. Shortly after having been knocked to the lower floor, while I was out, the monster had flung our party member out the window in a show of brute strength. Even in that suit, the fall would have scrambled anyone into a gelatin. For the time being though, I needed to heal. I should have died there. Solly scrambled me on the radio a few days afterward. He seemed to be doing quite well. Eventually, I was well enough to roam around. I kept my arm in a sling and took extra caution not to put too much pressure on my torso. Even with Alacrity's bone-foam, there was a lot of pain and discomfort.

I was sitting in Gryphon's Peak, swallowing whiskey. It's a taste I abhor, but to be honest- I was grateful for the opportunity to taste it. That's when I heard it. Every muscle in my body tensed as I shot to my feet, my blood froze. The room was silent as I stood there, stark rigid. The broadcast was playing over the radio. Solly's voice came in on a private frequency shortly after. "We're going back."

 

Antares is far more dangerous than I give it credit for and I give no slight credit. Today I was nearly flash fried with a very pleasant Floran. Then I was stabbed. Am I a psycho magnet?

Gryphon's Peak is the home of the most bitter cold winds and warm-hearted folks I've met. It came as no surprise then, that the Floran woman that joined me in the sauna underneath the town's bar was quite easy to get along with. She strode in guitar in-hand, delivering some of the most delightful and entrancing melodies I've heard. It was certainly something I needed after a long week of recovery from various injuries from the expedition mission. She even brought an inflatable boat. It was wonderful, it was whimsical. We had a great time. Something was wrong though, and I felt it before it even happened. There was something grating at the back of my mind but I couldn't put my talon on it. Like a blade scraping on stone lost on the echoes of her melody. The chug of a pipe. Then we noticed. Someone had drilled a hole into the sauna from the other side of the wall and was pumping oil into the room. Panicked, we both escaped by boat, careful not to get the sticky fuel on ourselves. I hurriedly slipped on my clothes to go investigate- but I was cut short by the raging inferno that billowed up from the pool. Whoever had done this had thrown a lit torch into the fuel. All oxygen in the room was consumed by the flames. I did my best to step in front of the Floran, but I don't think the flames reached us. It was hard to tell- The sauna was now filled with wispy, inky clouds of smoke. Drawing my scarf over my beak in an instinctual gambit, I turned to her and urged that she flee. As we raced up the steps, we made sure that all patrons had exited the bar safely. The top floors hadn't received the worst of the smoke yet, so everyone made it out alright.

I was furious. I was freezing. I stood there in the cold and biting air, coughing for what seemed like minutes, all eyes on us, begging for answers. I didn't have them, but I was going to get them dammit. I was a shivering mess. We never even had the chance to dry off. Another Floran, Grey-Moss, from the Dionea tribe lent me her cloak. The Dionea seem very compassionate and they have my respect. After a few minutes of racking my brain, I drew my bow and stormed off, down the streets toward the workshop. I knew the tunnels well. Unfortunately, I was accosted before I could enter further and find my answers. One of the Glitch guards had caught me wielding a weapon. Though he knew I wasn't involved in the bombing, he told me not to get involved. Fine. Whoever pulled this prank was probably prepared for a fight more than I was. I instead opted to head back to the beampad, knowing it was the only reasonable escape for the perpetrator. I knew the gates would be closed, however, and considered that whoever drilled the hole in the wall, may have entered by drilling a tunnel into the workshop itself. It was a long-shot, but I know I'd seen cave systems on this planet before while scouting. I began the hike in the cruel winds, spurred on by rage and my troublesome sense of curiosity. Who would try to end our lives when we're having innocent fun? I gripped my bow until my knuckles were whiter than the ice I tread. Why attack us? Was it a random attack? Was their target the bar or us? I wanted answers. I was getting them.

I found the snake hole about half an hour later. I cautiously slithered my way in through the shadows as quietly as I could, hoping my footsteps would be masked by the snow outside. I sent Marx a text message detailing that I was examining a possible outlet and gave exact coordinates. He works for the Knights in his free time. Finally I reached a point in the cave that was too dark to see and withdrew my flashlight. There he stood, knife in hand and ready to strike. I froze; he had the drop on me. Shit. We stood there for what seemed like hours before he finally spoke. "How did you find me?" Until then, I wasn't sure if he was the one. Now I knew. I recognized him as someone I'd seen in the bar a few hours prior to the attack. Had he been planning? I tried to throw my light to disorient him and drew my bow. SHLICK. He got me first. So there I stood, staining the snow with my blood, searing pain in my left thigh. He'd pushed me aside and blocked the cave exit. "Get to the back of the cave. Wait for me to leave. Count to five." I weighed my options. He was clearly trained and had the upper hand. I complied bitterly. There I knelt in the snow, glaring. furious. leaking. Leave, you fuck. Turn your back, I dare you. He did leave, and I counted. When I reached five, I gripped my radio transmitter tightly in my fist and let everyone on the local frequency know I'd found the suspect. If he came back to finish me off, they'd catch him for sure. I sent Marx another few texts. DANGER.

I hobbled out of the cave, broken again, bow drawn. I was determined to catch this asshole whether I had backup or not. I continued west instead of east, almost certain he'd try to hide after hearing my broadcast. I sent out another, detailing his description. Human. Male. Dark hair. Military-looking clothes. Backpack. The pain in my leg of course was unbearable. Eventually Marx caught up to me and we stopped at the edge of a cave's mouth. With backup I felt much more confident. I trusted Marx. After tossing a flare into the abyss, we dropped down, ready for whatever we might find. The landing was empty, no signs of life. After the drop, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to stop and let him go on for a bit while I rested. Not long after, half the population of Antares showed up. Everyone was armed and ready to find and capture this guy. It was beautiful. Grey-Moss, the Floran that had treated me kindly before now wanted to treat my leg. What an angel. Floran medicine is greatly perplexing. To anyone else the mixtures would look and smell most foul. I like to adopt the adage "I'll try anything once." Glad I did. Most of the pain died with the various liquids she pumped into me. She deftly sewed my leg shut after applying some analgesic substance. She then covered it with antibiotics and what she called "Wound Clay." If it works, I welcome it gladly. After waiting a while the dizziness from blood loss was gone. Not too soon after, we all heard the scuffling of feet in the dark. Marx had beaten and captured the culprit. They were accompanied by a few others from the group for good measure. For the most part, we were safe from this guy. Mission complete.

Things like this really shake me to the core. I'm afraid that it's having an effect on my personality. It's hard to tell if that's a good or a bad thing. I feel more talkative, more friendly, when I used to be shy. Do I subconsciously realize that I need to take the opportunity to meet people and have fun because life out here can be cruel and short? Maybe next time I start having a bad premonition I should just go home and read a book. Less chance of getting stabbed that way, I suppose.

 

*The ink in this entry is blurred in some places, making it difficult to read. There are also many typos, inconsistent with the rest of the journal, suggesting emotional disturbance, lack of focus, and sleep deprivation*

Yesterday I killed another thinking being. I laid in bed all night thinking about the face they made. The utter surrender. The sickening SHK noises. I never thought it would be this hard to do what I knew had to be done.

The broadcast played again over the galactic radio. Between broadcasts I wonder if the beast has actually lured someone and the silence we enjoy from the radio is the time that it's hunting them through that lab... Regardless, the trap posed a great threat to everyone in the galaxy. Even if not directly, if the Floran managed to board a ship and activate its FTL drive, the beast could potentially expand its hunting ground to the entire Frontier. I met with Boris on Katune. He joined me and a friend for breakfast. It was nice. They spent a little time getting to know each other while I cooked Fish Pie for them. Never made it before. Anyway, Boris and I got to talking about the Floran experiment on that planet... The one that nearly killed us all. It was time to handle it, and I wanted to be there. I'm not a spiteful bird, but that Floran was a clear and present threat to society in the Frontier. Besides, I had my own motives for wanting to go back.

I know I'm not against Florans as a species, but this particular predator was especially vicious. It was the result of some mad scientists' tinkering and I intended to return to the laboratory to destroy all logs and research data compiled on the creature. The original plan was to destroy the computers and the labs without having to confront the beast face-to-face. Boris had other plans. We personally infiltrated the laboratory. He covered me while I wiped all data and disabled the connections on the workstations the monster was using to lure us. Unbeknownst to Boris, I was secretly downloading the logs to a flash drive I'd brought with me. I'm going to listen to them later. Then, I'll destroy them.

About halfway through the third floor, I saw it. Commander Solour's sidearm was laying on a table in the middle of the room. Everything seemed wrong. It was a trap and it was obvious, but I took it anyway. Sure enough, as soon as the firearm was secured, it burst through a nearby window and took a swipe at me. Anticipated, but the monster's sheer dexterity and force put me back in my place. Thankfully I was wearing a ballistics vest underneath my shirt and the attack left me unharmed. Yet another article of clothing fallen pray to the beast. We fell back and unloaded a volley of gunfire into it. Incredulously, not only did it survive, it was able to retreat and continue to set up traps. It was learning how to use furniture against us. I managed to angle a shot under a cabinet the beast was using to try to crush me. The round scored against its leg and it fled. I wasn't able to tell where it went, so I waited and I watched. After what felt like hours crept by, my curiosity won over terror and I slithered up toward the cabinet, gun trained, ready for any movement. My heart raced as I rounded the corner- BAM, nothing. It had fled long before. I had exposed myself. Feeling raw and vulnerable I quickly darted back to the shadows for cover.

Eventually Boris rejoined me and the hunt was on. He has a very hands-on approach to handling threats. As we moved toward the top wiping computers, he stopped occasionally to plant explosives on the facility's servers to ensure nobody ever held this lab's secret in their hands again. We heard an emergency door close behind us, but there was no time to stop. We had to complete our objectives first to make sure nobody ever sprang this wicked trap again. When we reached the top, we wiped and destroyed the last workstation and disabled the power to head outside, same as last time. Boris had a plan for trapping the Floran. We both attached our grapple hooks and rappelled down the side of the building like some spy shit. Or basically what I do on a normal day. We crept back through the facility the way we'd entered, and there, in front of the closed security door was the monster, listening intently to the door for any sign of us on the other side. Boris's trick had worked like a charm and we now had the drop on it. We dumped our magazines into it from behind and riddled it with rounds. Somehow it managed to escape through a window while I was reloading and Boris was throwing a gas grenade. That's bad news.

Some time during the hunt I had acquired a large sliver of glass and wrapped my scarf around it for a handle. Lacking a knife, if I run out of bullets and arrows this makeshift shiv would have to do. Boris detonated the servers when we were well out of range. This seemed to enrage the creature, but we were just getting warmed up. While I will admit that when we first encountered the beast, I was terrified that I was going to die. But now, in the facility again, I was determined to take it down because I knew that if we didn't, someone I'd met along the line would die. Reed. Marx. Glauen. Aegis. Aruana. John. Cateth. Flyne. Fenics. Solly. Matthias. Eltaes. Jack. Petaldancer. Grey-Moss. Baileaf. Kadin. I wasn't willing to lose anyone to this monster. Besides, I still owed the Kero 22 Pixels. I couldn't die either.

Eventually we cornered the monster in a library- this was a clever trap it had set up far ahead of time. These shelves had been ripped out of the steel floor to be flung at us like a cheesy boulder-dash movie. Thankfully I had taken the initiative and high ground and sank several shots into it after she hurled her only cover at Boris, who insisted on pumping the bookshelf full of plasma. Believably enough, this didn't stop its trajectory and it slammed into him. He seemed fine for the time being, but my job was keeping it pinned. It tried to charge Boris with a bookshelf with the intent to crush him underneath it, but I wasn't going to let that happen. I jumped from my high-ground onto the top of the moving shelf in the hopes that it would topple backward and crush the Floran. All I was able to accomplish was stopping its advance, with the help of Boris's strength. This gave me an advantageous position to jump down behind the beast and loose an arrow into its exposed back while Boris pumped it with his rifle. Even while we hammered away on it, the beast still somehow managed to escape to the end of the hallway...

There we stood. The three of us. We all knew this was the end. It had nowhere left to flee. All that was left was to reload and advance our assault. I scurried to pick up my missed arrows and nocked one, ready to loose it. We fired another volley- it had anticipated our attack and dropped to all fours, zigzagging to dodge his rifle fire. After my last arrow was spent I threw the bow aside, drew my shank and crouched low, ready to spring up and deliver a fatal uppercut. Instead the monster went for Boris- it wrestled with him, trying to prevent him from using his gun. I pounced, lunging forward from my back leg I delivered a jaw-shattering blow with the spike. It stared at me, unaffected. I knew fear. I knew terror. This was an entirely different level. The shiv was my last ditch effort and it had shattered in my very hand. How can we beat something that can't be killed?

It didn't take long for me to recover my spirit though, and I quickly scooped up another of my stray arrows, going in for another blow, again, landing it under its chin. My insides were churning at the feeling of tearing through another living Sentient. The attack didn't seem effective at all. Boris was having even less luck- the monster had blocked his electric bayonet and had even built up a resistance to the shock. What kind of horrible experiments have these Apex been testing...? At this point I finally realized what was happening. It had stopped fighting back. The look on its face wasn't one of anger. It wasn't a look of hunger. It had been hunting us this entire time, and now, faced with defeat, it just stood there and took our attacks. I scooped up one last arrow and charged, full force. My blood froze as the arrow penetrated its eyeball and the back of its metallic skull. The realization of what I had just done hit me like a twenty-million ton glacier. It simply looked at us. And then, it spoke.

"Dissspossse of herrrrr," it repeated in the Apex tongue. "Ahhh ha haha." It flopped onto its back, its life sap pooled around its chest and head. I was out of breath. Dizzy. Ill. Faint. I bent over to catch my breath until everything thus far caught up. I felt an intense pang of regret, of fear, dread, remorse, anxiety, and grief. Was this what it's like to take a life? Even though she'd been trying to kill us without question or reason, I couldn't help but feel an intense, crushing guilt. Panting and wheezing, I crouched there. In my mind was repeating the feeling of peeling its flesh with my weapon. I couldn't take it anymore. I vomited there on the facility floor. The sinking feeling of dread and regret anchored my stomach and were making me ill. We still had a job to do though. The rifle rounds made me jump. Boris was taking precautionary measures. We limped out of the lab and stood atop a dirt mound. I wanted to see it one last time. The sun was setting behind the structure. Perfect. I wanted to burn the image of this place into my mind. I want to see it every time I close my eyes. Remind me that I'm the soulless prick that killed a proud and cunning hunter in cold blood. We took cover behind the mound and Boris activated the detonator, shattering all of the windows, causing massive internal structural damage, and scorching all biological traces from the face of the planet. This was the end of a chapter for me. In exchange for the possible safety of all other Antaresians I had offered a piece of my childish, carefree nature. I can't go back to the way I was before now. I'll always be a murderer. This will stay with me forever. It'll haunt my dreams and loom in the back of my mind like a deathly shadow.

Her name was Tsura. And I am truly sorry.

 

It's been a while since I've been able to look at this book, considering the foul memories it holds. Whenever I want to add a page, it's usually bad news. From now on, I think I'm going to try to focus more on the positives. As a precursor, I'd like to remind my future self that this is probably the last entry before a full-scale war breaks out in Antares.

A few days ago I pulled off my last big heist. Not last-last, but the most recent. Hopefully it won't be my last. Navaco Space Station, home of Walker Trade. I've taken a few tours, but was hardly aware that seated comfortably in an asteroid was a vault filled with millions of pixels. It's probably one of the biggest heists I've pulled- in fact, they probably aren't even aware the vault's been emptied.
Anyway, on to details in case I need to recycle the plan:

I'd staked the fields out for a few weeks in advance. The grappling hook I bought forever ago was a huuuuge help getting around outside the station. The different facilities were connected by a glass walkway, so it was important to stay out of sight while slinging around. A few hundred meters from the entrance I found the perfect asteroid to stash some gear. I brought down an old crate I found in the ship's storage and over the course of a few trips filled it with my equipment:

1 - Thermal drill, procured from Boris.
1 - Oxygen recycling helmet, again, from Boris. (10 minutes of air alone, infinite with the backpack)
1 - Deep space suit, Boris. (this suit protects you from cold and radiation in space. The nanoskin only protects you for a few
minutes.)
1 - Oxygen recycling machine, from Boris. (I ended up not bringing it. No way to carry it and I didn't expect the job would take longer than ten minutes. )
1 - Portable refinery. Boris. (Despite being labelled 'portable', this shit was heavy. I had to strap it to my back. Thankfully the gravity outside the station was low, otherwise I would've been screwed.)
1 - Grappling Hook, I don't remember where I got this beauty- I've had it forever. Even before I left Avos...
1 - Quickslime(tm) applicator, this was in the ship's storage, meant for patching hull leaks.
1 - Simple cloth backpack. Don't remember, but again, I've had it a long time.
1 - Magpie card.

To start the party off, I beamed down to the station- at first the place was empty. I strolled in and waited at the arcade, playing a few games to stay occupied. Nothing happened with any gusto, so I went ahead and rolled on down the walkway until I reached some imposing heavy metal doors. ( in retrospect, I should've guessed this was the kind of place they'd stash the cash.)) In front of said doors were being guarded by some human in a station uniform sporting a serious looking rifle. From where I was standing I could see Eltaes Walker, the man in charge, run up in a hurry. He did something with his hand and a scanner by the door. Looked like a card swipe, but his hands were empty. It was probably a biometric scan. I wasn't getting in that way without either his help or his biological sample. Considering he's a gasman and his blood would sear me, it'd probably be better to take plan B- drilling in from the outside. Still, I needed to know what else I was up against. Guard duty seemed a little thicker today. I spoke with the vault guard after Eltaes left, asking for change. The hope was that the guard might accidentally tell me something important. He shoo'd me off. That told me that whatever he was guarding was either important, or he was unsatisfied with whatever he was being paid.
After he brushed me off, I kept wandering around until I reached the CEO's quarters, which were blocked by another mook. This one had a card scanner. Thankfully I'd swiped a card from some Viomi character a few weeks prior. The card got me through, but the guard radioed in to Eltaes that I was coming in- shit. My heart was racing and my blood froze. I took a few deep breaths, calmed my nerves, and pressed on- making a new plan on the fly. It's my only defense mechanism for impending incarceration. Taking a look between the two doors at the end of the hall didn't offer much in the way of solutions, as one led to Eltaes, and the other led to- what, I have no idea. Still don't. Regardless, there was a pixel compressing machine by the stairs. I hid behind it and pretended to be searching for loose coins. Then I heard the office door creak open. Thankfully the machine was between me and the approaching footsteps. As soon as Eltaes waltzed up the stairs- presumably to ask why I hadn't come to his door yet- I bolted into the Nova's office and hurriedly searched for anything that might help. His computer was on and logged in, but I didn't really have time for that just then. Instead I managed to grab a slice of the guy's plasma residue from his desk- apparently Novakids can suffer papercuts too. Who says deskjobs aren't dangerous? Anyway, once I had the sample I sprinted and slid back to my previous spot behind the pixellator. Inevitably he came by to investigate the other office and caught me knelt down searching under the machine. I gave him the story that I was looking for loose change to play the arcade games. (not a total lie but) he was generous enough to fork over a couple handfuls of pixels. What a swell guy. We really could get along, it's just unfortunate for him that he was in the possession of literal tons of money. Anyway, I also gave him Viomi's card as an excuse for being in the area, lying about her having dropped it a few weeks prior. He took it, thanked me, and sent me on my way. Had to have been a hundred pixels on the spot, jeez. Anyway, the scanner-toting guard let me back through. Back up to the vault I went. Things were progressing slowly, so I decided to call in a favor. Marx arrived shortly and delivered exactly what I asked for- a well-aimed explosion at the unfinished west wing. The entire facility trembled under our feet- for a split second I'd thought I'd just gotten us all killed. No sooner than he'd appeared, Marx'd probably beamed off. He played his part well- over the intercom (( or PR, I can't remember, )) the guards were summoned to the impact zone- this gave me a chance to slip back into the office and tinker with the life support, bulkheads, and locks. I tried disabling the bulkheads so I could slip away in the confusion and get to my gear, but I wasn't fast enough. The guards stopped me at the gate for a lockdown of the station. It'd've been unwise to argue with these guys- they were sporting some serious equipment. There was also one more of them than I expected. He must have slipped by to guard the front gate while I was in the arcade. Eventually the lockdown was lifted and I made my way back outside for a false beam. As far as they knew I was history. This next part required some serious finesse. I took the deepest breath I could while still in the station's air bubble- and leapt into open space. It was like I was hit by a solid glacier. I can't imagine how cold it would've been without the nanoskin and the clothes on my back. Regardless, I didn't have to suffer long if I got to my equipment. A big if. I landed on the station's entrance's roof and peered in through the window- there stood Guard A. (I'm naming them now, they're like my pets.) I waited patiently for him to move in his patrol so I could slip by above unnoticed. Hurry, damn it. I'm literally freezing to death up here. After an eternity he shifted positions- so did I. By now I was already starting to feel fatigued. Holding my breath was tough, but there was still a long way to go- I'd only just started the trip toward my gear. Using the low gravity and my strength from daily Jogkour(tm), I was able to launch myself from asteroid to asteroid, darting around in the shadows. It was like something out of a comic book... Urgh, but the pain in my torso was unbearable and I was starting to lose the feeling in my talons. When I saw the glimmer of my equipment crate I knew that things were going to turn around- that cash would be mine yet. I tore hungrily through the gear until I snagged the helmet and crammed it onto my head- Boris made adjustments for my beak, that beautiful saint. After sucking in some sweet, precious oxygent, I set to work changing into my other gear. The suit was warm enough to restore my body heat back to normal. Thank the stars. Next came the grapple hook and the cloth backpack. Those were easy to set up, the suit had magnetic clips to hold tools. The Quickslime(tm) applicator and drill fit snug as a bug. I strapped the refinery to myself over the empty cloth backpack and headed back out into space- it was time to get the show back on the road. The grappling hook helped me work my way back to the facility through the asteroid field. The sun was on the opposite side so I had the advantage of shadows. The guards were all stationary- I'd memorized their positions during the casing run earlier. Eventually I found myself fastened to the vault-asteroid. It was finally showtime. I fastened my grappling hook rope to a carabiner on my belt, and set to drilling. The work was a cacophony of screeches and clattering stone. Thankfully the vacuum of space muffled everything that might alert the guards. It took a solid three minutes or so of my precious ten to get a tunnel large enough to crawl through and set up the refinery. I was now faced with the floor of the vault. Not wasting a second, I plunged my drill into the metal- it was eaten away like candy in a fat kid's mouth. As soon as the drill broke through, money just started cascading into the refinery- jackpot. One after another Voxels started popping out of the output chute and piled up. When the flow finally slowed to a halt, I dug myself a larger tunnel and poked my head into the giant honeypot of gold and jewels. There was still a mound of pixels. I left the voxels where they lay in the tunnel and set to work re-positioning the refinery inside the vault. There were no cameras, there were no guards- I had the vault all to myself. I stuffed everything I could get my hands on into the refinery, this time covering the output chute with the backpack as I rooted around the various containers. Inside one of the crates was a series of four server machines. I don't know what's on them still, but I bet someone might pay a ton of cash for the information stored. I hauled them out and left my calling card, the Magpie symbol. When most of the cash was voxellized, I stuffed the bag and refinery back out of the hole through which I wriggled and lowered the server cases one by one into the tunnel. They were far too large to carry out. In fact, my backpack was so swollen with voxels by the time I'd crammed the ones in that were laying around in the tunnel that there was no way I could carry the refinery out with me. It had to go. So I kicked the machine out into space, where it'll float for an eternity. I plopped on the backpack and lowered myself and the servers- one by one- to the closest asteroid for later retrieval with my ship. Once the servers were all secured below, I slithered back into the vault and created a mound of Quickslime(tm) and sprinkled the remaining loose pixels over the top until I was satisfied that it looks like I'd never been there. I left my card- the final piece- and sealed up the tunnel on my way out.
I retraced my 'steps' with the bag full of voxels- literal tons of pixels- Millions- in tow. Once I landed next to my gear crate, I kicked it out into space as well. I couldn't afford to leave any evidence at this stage. A few more hops and careful glances would bring me to the station again- my goal was to sneak to the beampad undetected and beat a hasty retreat. Woefully, it just was not meant to be. My worst fear for the mission was coming true. The oxygen indicator in my helmet was screaming and it was getting stuffier inside the suit. Apparently I was putting a lot of strain on myself by carrying such a heavy load and never noticed. Anyway, by the time I reached the entrance rooftop I was heaving for air I just didn't have- the guard below was placed in a way that if I were to move across the skylight I'd've been spotted... I could make a dash for the beampad and hope to get out before he could investigate. But that would be suspicious. I could've destroyed the power panel on the roof, shutting off the lights and locking out the doors, but that would've possibly powered off the beampad. So I had to wait. And wait. Thankfully, I was able to calm myself with a little meditative breathing I learned on Oasis, an Avian colony with a hot spa and several lovely hens that- right. Back to the story. Eventually the meathead moved and I was able to slip by- whether he knew I was there or not, I'll never know. What I do know, is that I now possess more money than I could possibly count. And my friends are (mostly) none the wiser.

Now then, if only I could get a tour of this New Vegas place...

(please pardon the lack of detail and/or flavor text- I knew it was going to be a long story and didn't want to draw it out longer than it needed to be, but I wanted to post this entry for the future to compare jobs to mark success))

 

Today I had my first barfight in forever. Seems like it's been almost a whole week since the last one. Jokes aside, everybody had a great time. At least, until Reed shot someone.

Katune's been getting pretty dull lately. Visitors are starting to dwindle with rumors of an upcoming war. Nobody can keep their beaks shut these days. It's no secret that Katune is throwing its lot in with the Rebel factions going against the US. Anyway, that's irrelevant. What is relevant is that I wandered into the cafe about the same time Reed did. He'd had a pretty rough day but he's looking a lot better for a recovering drug fiend. Every time I see that pitiful eye of his in pain it just tears my heart to pieces. I know he hates me for crushing those drugs, but he needed it. ... I don't blame 'Hector' for trying to make his living the way he knows how- hell, I'm in the same boat. Anyway, Reed and I had a little chat. Apparently he'd been robbed while suffering his little epilepsy episode. He'd mentioned that it was a red Avian and a red Nova dressed as cowboys. He mentioned the Avian was a coward and the female nova was inexperienced with robbery. I pushed this information back into my squishy brain vault, in case it was important later; it usually is. I stretched out my hammies and got ready for another Jogkour routine. As soon as I stepped outside, I'd come face to face with the Hylotl that broke into my house- (I'll tell that story another time, maybe.) -very pleasant fellow. We were about to have a little pleasant discourse when I spotted a group coming over the bridge toward us- Wouldn't you know it. A red Avian, a red Nova, and a Glitch. I asked for Jai's pardon and moved to investigate the group. Testing their personalities a little with some observations out-loud I was able to discern that the Avian had a bit of a stammer and seemed reluctant to move past me. He was unarmed. The Glitch and Nova seemed pleasant, but they were both packing. I liked those odds. I stepped aside and let them pass through to the cafe and again begged Jai most sincerely for his pardon- I was doing him a huge dishonor, but if I'm right- he'd agree that the ends would justify the means. Unfortunately, I wasn't as lucky as I should've been.

As soon as the group sauntered in and up the steps, I followed suit and locked the doors behind us. I didn't want any would-be heroes getting involved and injured. The building's inventory were as follows: Reed, myself, Stab-Dancer, the three stooges, and a human whom I've never met, later named Jack. We all spent a little time chatting on the main floor by the bar. I made sure to point out to Reed that I intended to rob them peacefully and he offered to cause a distraction. He started playing a song on the harmonica- it worked beautifully! I'll have to have him show me a few tricks sometime. Anyway, while everyone was facing Reed I made my way toward the bar- brushing up against the Novakid- Aim- and loosed her revolver from its holster. It found itself snugly in my pocket. Thing was heavy and kinda bulky, but after recent events, I'm finding my pockets are deeper than normal.

There was only one armed enemy left. The Glitch. His holster was a little trickier. When I bumped into him, it was a little too rough and he caught me marking him. Not bad for a sapient without nerve endings. Still, the game was won. I leaned on the bar, feeling pretty cheeky and cocky. As I expected they became belligerent. The Glitch started to reach for his gun at one point, but I drew first. I think. It was hard to tell, because when he lifted his gun from its holster, he accidentally flung it at me. A literal gunslinger. I tried to catch it, being a cheeky beak, but it was a bit too low and it just clattered to the floor. Luckily the hammer wasn't cocked or somebody would've lost a limb. At this point I just rested my foot on the weapon and holstered my own. I placed my foot on one of the bar stools and attempted to coax a deal out of the trio. If they'd simply replace the pixels they stole from Reed, they could have their weapons back. While I was standing there cutting deals, I was unloading the Nova's gun in my pocket. It was a tight fit, but I was able to get the cylinder open and pluck the rounds. Unfortunately the Glitch had other tricks up his sleeve. He popped off one of his fingers to reveal a gunbarrel. He pointed his hand-gun at me and demanded their weapons back. Thankfully, I'd seen something like this coming from a mile away- I shoved the stool my foot was resting on as hard as I could toward the Glitch's shin in an effort to catch him off guard, but- I ended up knocking myself off balance. He took the opportunity to shove me away and made a lunge for the gun. Taking note of this, I leapt backwards and slid across the bar, crashing messily to the floor behind the counter. Not wasting a second, I grabbed the nearest item- the bartender's stool- and hurled it over the bar at the now-armed robot. It knocked him to the ground, but he still held the weapon. About this time, shit was getting chaotic- the bird had fled upstairs, terrified of catching a stray bullet- and with good reason. Bullets fucking hurt. That left Reed, Jack, Jai (who had slipped in as Stab left), the Glitch, and Aim, the Novakid on the dancefloor. Jack and Jai fled upstairs while Reed blocked the bandits' escape downstairs. Reed, during the confusion, managed to draw his weapon and (I think he) tried to fire a few rounds into the ceiling to get the fighting to stop- unfortunately, the Nova, Aim, caught one with her arm. That was never the intention, but now that blood had been spilled, my heart was racing- the stakes were raised. From somewhere, a smoke grenade was dropped, and it began to seep slowly into the room. Thankfully Aim was able to escape upstairs way from the fighting- Apparently the human Jack tackled Reed down the stairs at some point, but I was too busy throwing a coffee maker at the Glitch, Ban, to notice. He managed to deflect the coffee maker and returned fire.

I don't remember what the hell it was, but it hit me in the back of the head like a sledgehammer. Apparently he'd thrown that stool at me- the initial throw mercifully missed my thinky-noodle, but rebounded off the fridge and caught me in the back of the head. The last thing I remember before black was stars. Lots of stars. My vision swam back almost immediately, I was facedown behind the counter. I let out a groan of pain and called out to the crowd. It was time to call the scuffle a draw. Neither of us were going to shoot, and the room was filling with something foul. I clambered back to my feet and hopped the bar, landing on the sir Glitch. He didn't appreciate that much, I imagine- because he tried to grab my leg. Haha, I don't blame him. It was a dick move. The least I could do was offer him a hand and help him up. These didn't seem like bad people; they just seemed like dinguses. Still, they were good for a good scrap. We made sure that the woman Aim was still kicking before we all said our goodbyes. She seems like the pragmatic type. I delivered her dad's old revolver back (sans the bullets, just in case.) and she didn't pull any funny business. These people might be of some use to me. The Glitch has a sense of humor. ... I think I have a crush on their Avian friend. Something about him just inspires a 'go get him' attitude. Couldn't help but give him one of my legendary winks on his way out. He played it cool.

Apparently, on the floor below, Jack was giving Reed some serious chaff- he had Reed pinned to the floor to keep him from escaping. Until our new friends intervened and vouched for him. Jack let him go eventually, and Reed dusted himself off while I tried cleaning up the place. It was a hell of a mess and I couldn't help a stupid grin on my face. Man, what a mess though. Next time we're going to have to arrange a 3v3 brawl outside.

 

It's nice getting a little downtime once in a while, especially after being roughed up- and I do use that term lightly- but lately I'm running out of places to hide.

I asked (well, really demanded) miss Yaakova to show me some of her fighting moves. I know she's a great fighter and has some experience. I felt like a hatchling in a sweets store; I've always wanted to fight with her. Her insight is definitely invaluable to me. We spent a lot of time out on the pier by my apartment where she showed me some of her martial arts, Krav Maga, I think it was called. There were some interesting points she brought up and I'm glad she did. She's a hell of a combatant. Anyway, once the lesson was finished, I took a few steps back and raised my fists. It was go-time. She obliged with another lesson. One I didn't much appreciate- She pointed her firearm at me- it was effective, no doubt, but not the lesson I was looking for. I was angry. Angry and disappointed. I expected someone with so much training and expertise would never be so foolish as to point a loaded weapon at someone they weren't willing to obliterate... I made sure to let her know how I feel. She seemed guilty. I tried not to rant or scold her. She's a grown woman.

Bork came along and we had ourselves a little chat. Reed also joined the fray with some filthy pirate jacket he found in a moldy chest. Starsdammit Reed your fashion sense is horrid. But comical. I trust miss Yaakova, even with this latest hiccup, there's no denying that she'd come through for me no matter what. So I told Bork and Reed that she'd make a great addition to the 'Roughly Circular Polygon,' or 'Circle' for short. I vouched for her and I know her and Reed have spent time together. Bork and I were with Yaakova on a mission to respond to a distress call. The mission went well, so that hopefully built trust between the two. Anyway, we brought her back to Reed's filthy stinkpile of a ship and formally invited miss Yaakova to the group. Reed explained, Bork made snide comments, and I backed up Reed's explanations in places. She had some reservations, as any logically-thinking sapient might. Our group is a secret one and considering all of Antares is about to erupt in bloody warfare, I wouldn't blame her for having second thoughts. Regardless, we were as truthful and forthcoming as we could be. We told her everything. About our members, the cause, the Wreck, and the signs. We still gave her the option to back out if she wasn't interested. In the end, though, she said yes.

Lately I've been finding miss Yaakova's company very pleasant. We visited my favorite bath house in another sector, the Oasis. It was entirely empty, but the lake outside of town was just too inviting to not push her into. Naturally I dove in with all the grace of a fucking brick and we commenced the play times. We grappled each other for several hours, dunking and laughing, tickling and squeezing the air out of each other. Eventually another one of my friends showed up and we all had a pleasant chat and explored a little of the less-visited areas. My friend was called away for other business, leaving me and Yaakova there alone and dripping wet. The night was still young. We beamed aboard her ship and set our clothes aside to dry while we thought of things to do. Her ship was small and there weren't many things to do. I did, however, have one suggestion.

No clothes. No weapons. Only our bodies- it was wonderful. We cleared the floor of anything that might get in our way. I wrapped up my talons so as not to wound her too gravely. She had an excited smirk on her face and I could only imagine the look on mine. As soon as the dukes went up, everything about our moods melted. It was like a machine switch was flicked somewhere in the universe and we became two emotionless dancers on a stage built just for us. She threw the first punch. It was a feint, but there was no way I could know- she was testing me. Investigating, exploring... My reaction was to melt away loosely in an attempt to dodge. She caught me and now I knew she knew how I react. Fine. My mistake. I approached her carefully... her fists were raised in a defensive position, I knew there was no way to get through with a punch. As soon as I was within range I threw my leg out, raking down her shin in an effort to lower her hands- even for a real fight and despite the fact that my talons were bandaged up it was a brutal maneuver. She had also apparently tried to throw a kick of her own but I was just too fast. This brought her off balance but the hands were still up- as she stumbled backward I continued my advance- I threw a gorgeous step-behind sidekick- my most powerful attack- and it landed hard, no doubt with enough torque to break an Avian's bones. She was thrown back into her ship, coughing and wheezing. I felt horribly guilty, but I knew she would've done the same for me. We agreed, no holds barred. ... Despite the agreement, though, I stayed where I stood, stoic and ready while she caught her breath with pained groans. When she hauled herself back to her feet and brought her hands up, we were ready to continue. Even for a human, she was far too tough to go down easy. This was going to be fun, and it was no doubt her turn to dole out some punishment. So far my attacks were low, so I wanted to try something different. In retrospect it was no doubt my undoing. I lunged forward, driving my hands together like a blade to slip through her hands and reach her face, but she deflected me easily. What an idiot move. I turned my head just in time to see her hand rocket toward my throat with an open palm- I tried my best to throw my beak down and peck her hand, but I just wasn't good enough to stop the advance- it grazed my chin and solidly impacted my neck. It hurt. I saw stars, but I was furious... How dare she strike my throat that way... As I was reeling, the very second my foot hit solid ground I crouched low and sprung up to tackle her. The shoulder hit her stomach hard. I was pissed. Even though the wind was possibly knocked out of her, she drove a hard, sharp elbow into my back. Right into the Jester's knife wound. you cunt. The pain was a little too much, I had to back off. She wasn't having that- I don't remember what she did next, but it still hurts to this day... She was having a field day with me, I had to end it. I wound up a hard right hook to her exposed ribs and tried to back off. We were both reeling... The fight was coming to a close. We were panting, heaving. Groaning. Dukes up, it wasn't over yet. The next one would call it. We had both gotten in four solid hits and neither of us looked like we could continue much longer, but I never go down easy. She rushed me- alarmingly quickly- I threw out a punch, too invested to stop now- whether it landed or not I can't remember. She grabbed the plumage on my head and pulled me down- right into her rising knee. I remember feeling a sharp impact and the sound of my beak snapping shut hard and the sound of my back slamming into the floor. She didn't stop there, though. She dropped to her knees beside me and crushed my entire torso with a flurry of punches- with the last of my strength I was able to turn over onto my stomach, wheezing. That's all I remember of the fight's end. She says I kept swinging, even laying on the floor, but I honestly don't remember.

I woke up a minute or two later. In her bed. She was putting some weird cream on my sore spots- so... my entire torso. yeah. It took me a few minutes to get my bearings. That last knee made me really groggy. She looked like a mess, too. I felt kinda bad for not holding back. She insists that she didn't hold back either, but... Anyway, she took good care of me, despite my playful attempts to rouse her into a round two. Like I said, I never go down easy. In the morning she crawled out of bed and poked at our various booboos. Apparently I had a black eye. Lucky her, all of her wounds would be hidden by clothes. (which were still hanging somewhere.) The way she strokes my feathers sometimes just really brings a sense of calm to me- I can't describe it. She seems to like the way I coo when she does. Silly girl. We sat up together and had a talk. About the night before. Antares. The future... we talked about each other. What we wanted for ourselves.

[ the entry continues on to the next page, but half of it is physically missing, as if it were torn out- apparently some memories are meant to be kept to oneself. ]

She has this habit of being able to slip out of my arms without waking me up, apparently. Either she needs to be less stealthy or I need to be a lighter sleeper. She parked us over Katune and woke me up. I thanked her very kindly for her most gracious hospitality over breakfast. It's not every day that two great friends have a fistfight to the finish and... make up so quickly. Yaakova is a fine woman, and I certainly enjoy spending time with her. Hopefully she sticks around for a long time to come. I got dressed, gave her a painful wave and wink, and beamed home.

 

This sounds really cheeky of me to say but I've become quite popular in Antares. Trying to be everyone's friend will take you a long way, especially if you know how to appeal to peoples' interests. It also doesn't hurt that I've taken a self-appointed job at Katune manning the bar while nobody's running it. People tend to loosen up to you when you're the one slinging booze. It's also a great way to justify my seemingly-endless stream of pixels after the Navaco heist. My job title, however, isn't a mixologist. I'm now the Deputy Governor of Katune.

Self-inflation aside, I've been getting into street fights a lot. It's a huge contrast to when I first came into this sector. Back then I never even wanted to watch fights. Now I feel... Well, I like getting hit. It's weird. I feel weird writing that down. But it's true. I like being covered in bruises. At first I felt like it was a selfish want for attention when people notice that I'm banged up, but that wasn't it. I like feeling sore the few days after a good fight. It's a reminder of the price of failure. A reward- a celebration that I won't fall for the same trick twice. It doesn't sound any less crazy, actually. I think a psychiatrist might classify that as masochism.

Bork came to the bar in a particularly slow hour of business. Perfect. I owed him two ass-kickings for the ones he paid me. I invited him down to the east pier by my building, far away from any rubberneckers. After all was said and done I came out on top by a good bit. Max and Glauen's advice coupled with my own recent scrapping helped me come out ahead. That's not to say it was easy, Bork can throw a hard punch, no doubt. While we were rolling around like idiots a Hylotl woman had wandered up to see what was going on. Not just any Hylotl woman. It was Kai, Yukari's sister. We fought once before and I took her out for drinks. She wanted a round two. I'm not surprised. Anyway, she gave me a minute to catch my breath and we got underway. My arms and legs were tired and I was pretty worn out from Bork, but I wasn't going to let those things slow me down. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins as we went at it like two ferocious animals satisfying a primal urge. I won't make any excuses. After Bork wore me down I wasn't in much shape for another fight. Real life won't accept excuses though, and I realize that. In the end she tried to cram her knee through my forehead. There was much success on her part. Which is too bad, because A: it hurt. badly. B: we'd made a wager before the fight began. She could keep a scarf I loaned her forever if she won. If I'd won, I could've taken her on an official date. In all I'd say it was probably worth it, no? Leveraging a garment against a date with a spunky woman who's actually interesting?

These last few days have been great. Katune's been seeing tons of new visitors lately. I'm not sure if it's because I've been advertising on the radio that the bar's open, but it sure couldn't be hurting the traffic. No, no, that sounds too self-absorbed. It's probably coincidence. Regardless, with all the revenue the cafe/bar's been pulling in I advised Max to consider having a grill or restaurant built. A proper one, not like the cafe in the mall where I live. People need hot food! Also included in my package of suggestions was proper bathrooms. As it stands the only one in the entire colony are under the cafe. If each apartment building had a communal bathroom, it'd be ideal. I've also been gathering dossiers on the patrons as they come in, assessing their skills and personalities, trying to fit them for jobs where they might be suited for the hopefully-growing colony. Max seems like he's pretty stressed out and lonely lately, so I've been trying to introduce these people to him in the hopes that maybe he can make a few connections. Specifically, I'd like for him to make some friends. Friends he can go hang out with and take his mind off all the stuff that's bothering him.

Eternally grateful for all the downtime I've been getting lately, I went to the Warren. It was not a pleasant experience. Alo swears she didn't tell anyone about... Yaakova, but. Gus knew. I don't know how, but he did. It could've been when she had to literally carry me out of the bar the other night, but he said some things that were way out of line. Every fiber in my being wanted to crumple his beak like a beer can into his skull. Every fiber except the one thin strand of patience I have in reserve. It didn't help that Glauen was egging him on. Alo stormed off after they started teasing me over liking a human. I felt totally betrayed by the things she said then, but she later apologized and I considered maybe I misunderstood her meaning at the time. There was no misunderstanding Gustwood. I could have said some things to embarrass him back, but honestly it wasn't worth the effort and the stooping. Apparently Glauen and my 'demon' friend Cairn are getting along now. Excellent. I want Cairn to succeed and show people that there's more to a person than the way they look. I should write up a Dossier on Cairn to assess how well his learning is coming along. The other day I even taught him how to say 'please.' This is the same guy who crammed his fist through Max's chest cavity. The Frontier really is a bizarre place.

In conclusion, I am a masochist felon hiding under the thin veil of a bartender while also being the right-hand bird of the governor of a colony that was on the bleeding edge of spearheading the war against the USCM. I'm sleeping with a human and I am acquainted with a demon. So basically just an average Antarian.

 

Hello journal. Nothing incredible to report aside from threatening a drunken Gus and Alo with jailtime for disorderly conduct. Idiots. I expected far better from Alo. Anyhoot, our shipment of stunguns came in. A friend of mine explained they looked like a 'flintlock pistol' from the human 'war of 1812.' Interesting- human wars date back that far? It wouldn't be surprising considering the frequency with which they become violent with each other. Come to think of it, aside from florans and hylotl, all races are quick to the trigger. Hmm. I should do more research on the different histories of the sapient races.

Anyway, I never got a chance to try the new LTL solution which is certainly a good thing. Alo and Gus flocked off without much incident. We beamed them aboard their respective ships and sent them back to the Warren. I'm debating on whether or not to tell Glauen his nestmate was acting like an absolute fledgeling. She... Threatened to tell everyone my real name. The secret with which I entrusted her. She let it slip in public. Alo can no longer be trusted.

Yukari and I fought again on the pier of Katune. She hits so fucking hard; it's a wonder she doesn't send me to the clinic. After she finished whomping my stupid noggin in we were challenged by the new security recruits. Of course. Two fully trained veterans want to fight some beat-up nobodies? What kind of tough-guy complex are they feeding these people these days? We accepted anyway. It was a massacre. I was the first one thrown out. The last thing I remember was taking a hard punch from the biggest one, George, to the face followed by a haymaker from the little one, Haystacker. Jackasses. I woke up slumped against a rail with Kai still kicking and flailing in the ring. She was putting up too well. It was obvious how she took me down so easy. In the end she was brought down by George. Pff. At least I was able to convince her to go on a proper date with me. I'd like to get to know her a little better. Squeeze a few secrets out of her.

Starting to feel pretty relieved that the new staff members are taking over bar shifts. Forwarding candidate information to Max seems to have put him in the mood to start hiring again and he's added several more people to the team. This gives me a little more free time to spend at the Warren or with friends. I need a good attitude check- some of my pals are starting to think I'm full of myself. That could be a possibility. I try not to be, but spending a little time behind the bar counter has grown me a sense of sassitude. See the attachment for details.

*attached is a photo of a cheeky chocolate-colored bird.*

Spoiler: Attachment

 

ORIGINALLY DATED MAY 18, 2415

It's been a long time since I've made an entry in this journal. Too much has happened to possibly fill in one entry. Since the last one, I've been shot, stabbed, loved, robbed, and evicted. I was the deputy governor for Katune until I stepped down. Shortly after, it was ransacked by those filthy mongrels in the Dionaea Tribe. Now I live on Dexter's Gardens, a lush forest planet cultivated by Fenics and her lab. She had left us for a long time but has recently come back, much to our great surprise and pleasure. We've lost Odinn. Gustwood was taken too. But we were able to rescue four Grounded avians from a ransacked village. Sadly, every other villager was lost. Sunny's home was destroyed by a thief. I work as security for Dexter's Gardens, despite wanting to farm and cook. it was Glauen's request... He needs the hands. I can play along for now. My first day I made two arrests. My superior office committed suicide in front of me. I live with a nymphomaniac. Possibly two.

Things are moving so fast it's impossible to keep track. Lately I've been feeling cold. Icy. I've been betrayed by my closest friends and threatened by my peers. I've been in several gunfights despite having little combat experience. These terrible things have all happened since the last entry... I miss the days when I was just a simple chipper magpie, breaking into vaults and making off with more voxels than I have body mass.

I've left Katune. It was ransacked by florans. Stab-Dancer and her crew tore the place up. Worthless scavengers. I've taken up resience in an abandoned Flightless tower on DG. It's a bit decrepit and could certainly use some renovating, but I think I can make a greenhouse on top with enough care. That'd be great, considering it's a pain in the cloaca to haul up veggies from below...

Sol was tortured by members of the Circle. Well, Reed, specifically. I had no idea he was capable of such cruelty. I've severed all ties with him and those people. Except Bork. He's the only one I feel like I can trust right now from that crew. Regardless, I won't tell him anything he doesn't need to explicitly know. After Reed was through with Sol, he was turned over to Max. Max then tortured Sol further before dumping him on the USAF in the Freezer. Unbelievable. That was the last straw from him... I stepped down from Katune government as soon as I heard that. Max didn't like that. He threatened to have a bounty on my head. Unreasonable, but I'm not scared of him.

Sol was returned to the Gardens after being treated and retrieved by Glauen. He now lives in a hole in the dirt with powerful server machines. He's working on a project to retrieve data he's stolen. I don't like how his little game turned out, but he sure as pluck didn't deserve torture... Sol's been... disturbed. Since Fenics left. He mutilated himself shortly after she left, sawing off his beak and sewing robes to his skin. He also nailed a vocoder to his face. I couldn't believe it... It was horrifying. One of the worst things I've seen. Thankfully, the punch was dampened by some liquor I was sucking on at the time.

That's all I care to write about right now. I don't want to wake up my house guests. Sunny lost her home so she's pitching a tent here in the tower with me. Moonfeathers, another avian, is also sharing my nest. This one... More literally. I don't know what's happening... I never really cared for that kind of thing before, but it's. Really... Enchanting having someone pay that much attention to me. I told her I wasn't interested in a relationship. She doesn't seem to be either. Still, I'm keeping an eye on her. Maybe tomorrow I'll finish the entry.

*in a different color of ink.*

Yaakova is still in the picture. I just don't hear from her as much. We've gotten really close, though. She... showed me off to her girlfriend. That was a hell of an experience and I certainly won't go into detail. This journal is meant to remind me of the past in the future and to be quite frank, some of the finer details of that encounter I'd like to forget.

The Warren is also gone. The Flightless hunters that slaughtered the Grounded village where Odinn and Gustwood were slain attacked our Warren. Little did they know, they were being ambushed. Explosives were planted all throughout the tunnels. They were funneled about and pinched from both sides. In the end most got away but several were killed, many were wounded, and one was taken prisoner. We even rescued a hostage. Cairn was most useful in that regard.

Like I said, there's so much happening so fast. I don't know how to feel about it all and it really feels like I'm getting numb to the chaos. Antares is harsh. I just really wish I could go back to the way things were before I came here. Back to hunting game with a bow and sleeping in caves. Trading recipes for a night in the local inn at Salazar... Now lately, I have nightmares that keep me from sleeping. I keep seeing that village torn and burning. The bodies on the streets run through with spears are the bodies of my friends. Sunny, Glauen. Alo. Gustwood and Odinn. Acacia. Sol, Cygnus, Veon, Moon... It's horrible. I think about what would have happened if Sunny hadn't shown up that day... Those Flightless would have executed me on the spot and the prisoners would've died, millimeters from rescue...

Anyway... I'm scared that this place has changed fundamentally who I am. I used to be so cheery and kind. Now I feel cold. I try... Some days I can be sweet and loving as I used to, but the things I've seen and the dangers I've survived make me feel cynical and sarcastic. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be this way. I don't want to be this way anymore. What do I do? How do I go back to the way things were? I just want to be me again
[DOUBLEPOST=1431515518][/DOUBLEPOST]Journal... I've come a very long way since I've started writing you. I've been reading through and just reminding myself where I've been. There've been some great times. There's also been those undeniable low points. Like nearly dying to that mutated floran, Tsura. If Solour hadn't dragged me out then, I'd be fertilizer now. Then there was the Navaco heist... My last biggest job. I still haven't taken the time to count all that money... I've been very conservative, only spending when necessary. Nobody can know that I'm (probably) a millionaire. And then, there was the Flightless attack, another low point. We lost two of my friends. We weren't personally close, but something about losing them really... made me regret not paying more attention to them. A lot of my problems lately are coming from paying too much attention to the people I meet.

This is going to be a short entry. Mostly just a reminder that I've been renovating the tower lately. Alo and Glauen seem to think I'm building a harem out here. I guess... They're not... Wrong, but that wasn't its original intention. To be honest, I wanted to live here alone; convert the place into a symbol of life. Skygardens, rain-collectors, solar panels... But ah... The past few days I've gotten sidetracked. By women. Again, and I've written and said this a hundred times each, I've never cared for that kind of stuff. Honestly. But something about the Gardens makes me want to... On a primal level... spread my seed. It's a gorgeous, lush planet, perfect for sustaining a family of silky, chocolate birds.

Katune was far different. It was a madhouse. There's no way I'd raise a family in that hellhole. It's been bombed into oblivion now, thank the stars, but... It was my first actual home in this sector. Shame I had to burn it to the ground. Hopefully the tower won't meet a similar fate.

Right, so, the real reason I'm writing this journal. Put it off long enough. I work for the police force here on the Gardens. It's a special gig; I'm a plainclothes officer. I signed up to farm and cook for the colony, but they just didn't have enough bodies to walk the streets and keep the people safe. So I stepped up. I offered to act as a plainclothes officer; I wear my own clothes and carry a badge and gun. The idea is to stay undercover. So far it's working. I have the most arrests on record currently. Anyway, enough ego fluffing. Luke, our acting Lieutenant, didn't seem to appreciate the fact that I didn't want to wear a uniform. I neglected to inform him that I was a special case and he brought a complaint against me to Juubei. He got thrown under the bus and I feel a little guilty. The things I said were a little unnecessarily sassy. Next thing to bring up... Sarah McKinley. There was... an incident including a hylotl. Long story short, she pulled her tazer before identifying herself as security. I didn't like the way she was handling things, and to be honest, it'd been a stressful week. I called for Juubei to come as backup and to help defuse the situation. I figured since Juubei was a hylotl, he may be able to talk some sense into the suspect. The situation cooled a bit and the two hylotls moved off to go over things in the security depot. After the crowd dispersed I said some very ah... unprofessional things to Sarah. Again, it had been a very stressful week considering some idiot punched me in the face for the sole purpose of being jailed intentionally. Also, some pirate fellow pulled the same trick, only with a gun fired right next to me. For fuck's sake, is there a sign on my back that says 'just fuck me up' ? Anyway... After my reports were filed I was hoping to maybe de-stress after my shift in the bathtub. It was going alright until Sarah showed up.

Things were really awkward at first. We spent the first few minutes kinda quietly. I wanted to keep things between us respectful, even though I was a bit of a jerk before. We both ended up apologizing. It turns out, she's very playful despite her 'hardened, ex-military' behavior on patrol or out-and-about. That was an interesting fun fact. We had ourselves a few laughs and things were going pretty well. It was a great load off my shoulders that we were getting along. She even invited me to her ship to have dinner. It's not every day I get to see the inside of a human's ship. There was, of course, plenty of flirting in the tub, but... I didn't expect things to turn out the way they did.

Despite what happened, I intend to keep things respectful and professional with Sarah while on-duty. Off-duty, however, maybe we can work something out. I'd like to spend a little more time with her. Get to know her a little better.

 

I miss my family. Things have been so chaotic and hectic and torrential and sudden and wretched and terrible and I just want to see my family. My mom. Dad... I miss you guys. I really, really do. I can't go back, though. Grounded aren't allowed to return once they've left that miserable rock... I wish you were here, mom. The Gardens are so beautiful. You would love the colorful flowers. The warm rain showers. Dad... you'd love talking to Juubei. He's strong and disciplined just like you. Would you two be proud of me? The things I've done? Trying to do? No... No, you probably wouldn't. Not now. But... I miss you. I miss you anyway. I just want to see you. I want to hug you mom. Let dad pick me up like he used to do. It felt like I was flying when you swung me around like that... I miss you both so much.
I love you mom and dad. I'm sorry I ran away from you. Please, don't ever feel like I ran because I didn't love you. I just wanted to be free and experience life outside of our own species' custom. I'm writing this here, because I know you can't receive my letters. I want to write you both so badly and tell you that I'm alright. Tell you that I'm... ready to start a family now. To settle down in the Gardens and find a nestmate. i want to write you and tell you to come. But I know I can't. And it hurts. It hurts far worse than any bullet tearing through my flesh.

*the worn leather journal is laying on his bed atop the tower; it's nestled on the silky sheets like a raft being tossed by restless ocean waves.*

 

The steady stream of psychopaths trickling into the Gardens has kept me and the rest of the guards busy these days. Tensions are running high in the ranks right now after Luke caught wind of me and Sarah. As if we weren't already having some rocky foundations. Juubei's laid up in the hospital and Sarah has a concussion. She needs medical leave. But she's stubborn. One of her most attractive traits.

Let's start with the Lieutenant. There was a situation on the Gardens today in which someone walked by me with a mask and a katana. Of course I dropped everything I was doing and attempted to halt them- but they blew right past me and into Luke and Sarah, who were having a discussion- I don't care about what, I was trying to stay out of it. Unlike the other countless nosy-bodies in this sector. Anyhoot, They drew their weapons to impede the perpetrator- it's at this point I'd like to point out that they were wearing a hardsuit- armor, and a skull mask. It's suspicious, no doubt- just seeing them walk by me gave me chills. After they were halted forcibly by Sarah and Luke I approached, weapon drawn, and called for backup. This creep was giving me some major anxiety. Then, like a bolt out of the blue, it struck Sarah down with its sword and Luke- the fucking idiot- fired as the perp dove behind cover. It's a wonder he didn't hit Sarah... As soon as the attacker was in cover, I scrambled forward to grab our fallen comrade and drag her out of the fray. She looked out cold- Thankfully it was just a hard smack to the head. She has a concussion, but she'll live. Once she was at a safe distance, I regrouped with Tenshi, who was responding to my call for backup from the west. I came in from the east. At this point we had the perpetrator pinned. Until Luke, in his infinite wisdom, holstered his weapon and tried to TACKLE AND WRESTLE THIS PERSON WITH OBVIOUS MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING. God, dammit Luke. You fucking idiot.

Naturally, this otherwise simple takedown was immediately turned into a hostage situation as Luke was held and threatened with the sword to his throat while all Tenshi and I could do was stare and aim our weapons at the perp's back. Fucking Luke. Has no common sense. After what feels like hours of talking this person down, we all agree to stash our weapons on Tenshi's count. Everyone obliges, and Luke is released. It's at this point that I try to pull him away from her, but- and here's the kicker. He just stands there next to this sword-wielding maniac. He won't let me pull him to safety. The whole time he's trying to tap on the perp's shoulder. If Tenshi hadn't re-raised his weapon, it's not unlikely Luke would have been struck down next. As the subject is being searched and restrained, she headbutts Tenshi in the face- Tenshi, I might add, is holding a handgun point-blank at her chest level. Dazed, he fires a shot- It's incredibly fortunate that the bullet hit its intended target, because if it had missed, it would likely have hit Luke or me.

Hours before this little incident, Luke had decided to play 'marriage' counselor with Sarah and me. He crossed boundaries that he should not have and I let him know right then and there that unless he knows the full story, he has no right to interfere in our personal lives. Sarah and I have a mutual agreement and an understanding that inhibits our work lives in exactly no way. We're both running ourselves ragged when, to be quite frank, I have yet to see a single arrest from the lieutenant in the record.

On a personal note... I've noticed that my journal entries lately have been much less subjective over the course of time. Like I'm losing feeling out here. Like I'm just turning into some warped little machine... But it just isn't so. I'm still the same man. Am I not?

On the subject of feeling, I'm terrified that I'm breaking Officer McKinley's heart. We spoke in private after the Luke debacle... She looked so torn, and it was eating me alive... We spoke about where things were going, could go, and won't go. ... I was ready to compromise for her. If she had asked, I would have said yes. But she didn't. The guilt is still pitted at the bottom of my stomach. It makes me sick. I make me sick.

 

I was hoping if I just did my best to make everyone happy and did some honest work I could carve out a life and build a family on a beautiful, lush, safe planet. I tried holding a respectable job and to be honest it was going really well for me... Things were looking great. I was making friends, found a place to stay, and even met several women that enjoyed my company... But lately it's become strikingly apparent that I don't belong here. Glauen and I had an argument after his brother came to town over the Flightless tower I'd claimed and renovated. Long story short, Glauen sided with his brother. They wanted to evict me from the tower because it's sacred grounds and Glauen doesn't approve of my casual lifestyle while I occupy that space. Fine. I won't argue. Despite the trouble I've gone through, the bullets I've taken, injuries suffered, insults shouldered- the things I've done for him- he can have the tower. Because I'm going home.

I hate long goodbyes... When I left my family, I didn't even leave a note, and the guilt has been eating me from the inside out for seven years... I'll leave something this time. For the ones that I care about. The rest of the money from the Navaco job will be left to the Gardens minus just enough for fuel to get back to the core worlds. I'll have that arranged before I leave.

There's not much else to write... I plan to return to Avos to see my mom and my dad. If they even want to see me. I expect to be captured and sacrificed for the assault on the Maelstrom's crew and the subsequent theft of said vessel. The Flightless aren't known for their mercy toward Grounded. If I return the ship intact, though, maybe they'll allow me to visit my family first, before running me through with a spear. I don't want this to be the last entry I make in this book. There's so many loose ends- people who will miss me and be angry I left without saying goodbye. It's such a cruel thing to do to them and I can only hope they hate me for it, rather than weep.

Looking through the empty pages of the book gives me a morbid sort of haunting reminder that I'm still so young and my story hasn't quite finished yet. Still, I'd do anything just to see my mom's beautiful emerald eyes again. To be wrapped up and nestled into dad's feathers for an afternoon nap. Anything. Just to see them.

 

*The entry is written on loose paper and dated the 31st of May.*

It's been a few days since I've left everything behind. Again. It'd be a grievous lie to say I didn't miss the faces of my friends back in Antares. Hopefully they never find out what ultimately happens to me, if I'm punished to the fullest extent of Avos law. When Robin, Perch, and I took the Maelstrom, we made it a point not to hurt anyone. So maybe if I return the ship intact, the Flightless will let me see them... See my family. The nav systems say there's only a few more hours until I'm in Avos core world space. I'm scared. What if I came all this way for nothing? What if they don't want me? What if... I came all this way to turn myself in, and I'm taken into custody without my parents even knowing I was here to begin with? Would the planetary defense be that cruel?

*Dated June 1st*

As soon as I jumped into Avos space I ran planetary scans on our old neighborhood. The house where I lived is still there... I can still smell mom's cookies- the warm, sweet aroma of feathercrown and chocolate. The laundry days when I helped her hang our clothes on the line, the smell of the soaps on the gentle breeze... She was there, in the back yard. My mom. She was laying out in a chair reading- her beautiful chocolate feathers were swaying gently in the wind. She's there. Just within reach. They both are. Dad must have been patrolling- he wasn't at home. Would he be proud that I defended my new home in Antares? Would he be proud that I've learned to defend myself? That I'm not the scared little hatchling he used to know? Should I tell them anything about Antares? I want to be honest with them, it's the least I could do. I was lost for a long time, staring at that screen. Watching her. The house. Waiting for dad to come home. The AI broke my trance, though, when it let me know I was being hailed by planetary defenses. They recognized the ship signature. The men boarded my ship, cleared it, and introduced themselves. I was taken into custody without resistance. I'm now sitting in a small, stone cell awaiting trial. I'm scared. Exhausted. The weights tied to my heart make it almost impossible to bear being cooped up in this cell, knowing my family is just beyond this window... The guards have allowed me to keep paper and quill, so I'll continue writing. It's the only comfort I have left, really.

 

I got to see my family today... Nobody spoke for what felt like hours... My feathers stood on end while I was standing there on the cold stone bricks, staring, wide-eyed like an awe-struck child through the cell bars. Mom and dad weren't alone. They had a little girl. I have a baby sister.

When I saw her, I broke into tears. Blubbery, disgusting sobbing. She's beautiful. They all were. I rushed to the bars to reach through and hug dad- He squeezed me so hard I heard a pop! He was always so powerful. I could feel his heart pounding and chest heaving with sobs against my face. Mom was next... She just kept stroking and kneading my feathers to make sure I was real. My sister... Manya. She has sparkling eyes like moonlight shining through diamonds. She's my flesh and blood alright. Her down is as divine as my parents' and my own. Manya, my sister...

It was an eternity before anyone could speak. I was barely able to croak an apology before dad ruffled my crest through the cell bars. They knew that there was nothing there for me on Avos. I just wish I'd said something- anything before I'd left. Then I would have known about Manya... They weren't sad when I left, they explained. They were relieved and excited that I had the opportunity to experience life outside temple walls. Hearing that was like unchaining my heart- like a burden I've been carrying for nearly a decade was just suddenly lifted.

Manya's seven years old. She showed me on her talons- counted out each year. She plays sports, too, just like I did. She's also a bookworm. Something she must have picked up from momma. She'll be going back to school with her friends after the harvest season- mom says she has lots of friends! She must've inherited the Downsilk Charisma. She was laid and hatched only a few months after I'd left... I had no idea. She says when I get out of time-out that we'll have to play ullamaliztli together.
I couldn't look her in the eyes...

The priesthood has made their decision today on my punishment for stealing the Maelstrom and the assault on her crew. I'd like to say that they were moved by our reunion and decided to go easy on me for returning the ship in one piece, but they found my Grounded pendant with the carved avian glyph 'Courage.' The one Glauen gave me... I hadn't even thought about it, carrying it had become second-nature. It's a part of me, and for something I'll never apologize.

I'm to be tarred, plucked, beaten, paraded in front of an assembly of Faithful, then buried alive in a box.

I'm sorry, Manya. I won't be able to play ullamaliztli with you for a long time.

*the page is stained with teardrops, smearing the ink in places.*

 

I guess this will be the final entry. I think the prison guards have been reading my journal pages while I was being punished. The looks in their eyes said they didn't want to do it, but it certainly didn't stop the beatings from being excruciating. I was beaten in front of a crowd of the Faithful today as a reminder of what happens when the hand casts itself from the body. At least, that's the point they were trying to get across. The most cruel part of the flogging had to be that my family was charged with bringing forth the switches to be used. Even little Manya. She didn't understand what was happening or why. Thankfully mom kept Manya's eyes closed, and I did my best to keep quiet, but there's only so much agony a frail avian body can stand.

The anguish and agony from the public beatings were nothing compared to being covered in boiling tree sap, then having each of my meticulously-preened feathers torn from my body. So, there I was, revealed to the entire district. Every scar, wound, and pockmark I ever collected in Antares was exposed to every man, woman, and child in the crowd. Including, of course, my own family. Mom and dad cried, of course. Mom had even been crying before it all started- but when dad saw the horizontal gashes from Tsura- the floran experiment- and the several pockmarks from the Flightless Radicals' crystal weapons, he couldn't hold it together anymore. Even the Faithful in the crowd were beginning to get uncomfortable.

They showed me where I'll be buried at dusk. Underneath the stone road in the marketplace. I'll be laid in a sturdy wooden box- With the poor nutrition and fatigue from the beatings, there's no way I could break through it and escape. I'll be face down in the box. It's too small to even turn over onto my back. So I will literally die face-down in the dirt like a filthy animal beneath the feet of the Faithful. I've been given a few hours to collect my final thoughts and a final meal. They offered me a drink made from the pit of the pussplum, the sacrifice's brew. I was terrified. Lonely. Weak. I drank it and now... I don't really care that I'm going to die. Or rather, I'm not scared of death now. I just wish that I could have gotten to know Manya a little better. Spent more time with my parents. Had the chance to experience mom's feathercrown cookies, one last warm hug from dad. I wish that I could play ullamaliztli with Manya one time.

That's about it, I guess. The priesthood has assured me that these pages will be delivered to my family after I'm buried. I just wish that I had brought my entire journal rather than left it to Glauen. Then my parents could know about the crazy things I was able to see and do. The hardships. The good times. The relationships. The struggles. There's so many people I still owe apologies... Would dad understand? Would mom? There's so many questions that I want to ask them- about their work, their lives after I left. Does mom still scribe for the temple? Did dad ever move up in rank?

I'm being called for now. It's time to go. If you're reading this, please don't be sad. Just remember the things we did that make you smile. Please don't cry.

 

((Despite the finality of the previous entry, these letters take place between the last journal page and the next. Carbon Copies of the letters are tucked in the Journal's cover pocket.
Sealed Letters Home | Starbound Roleplay ))




Agony, terror. Horror, disgust. Despair, and loss... These feelings are becoming more and more commonplace with the time I spend away from Avos. As far as I know, everything in Antares is lost... I'm too scared- too weak to pick up the radio and see who's made it out. I stashed Manya in the Maelstrom with the autopilot set to Avos should I not return after some time as we fought the beasts on the surface. Men and women were slain left, right, and center. These horrible creatures just consumed and consumed everything in their path. The only reason we made it out was Tenca... If she hadn't made her move to capture me then, we'd all be dead.

That's not to say she meant to rescue us. Quite the contrary- she and her allies beamed down with the full intention to carve a path to me through the monsters and beam away with their prize in tow. Her men didn't stand a chance against the tentacle-horrors. One by one they were torn to pieces and drunk like gory, visceral milkshakes through squidlike proboscises. It made my stomach churn to watch and hear their shrieks of agony. Tenca was unstoppable, as expected. She never even used her sidearm- her entire campaign was a flurry of spear-strikes, blinding, gashing, and tearing the creatures asunder in a frigid rage. Until she reached me, heaving and covered in alien blood.

For what felt like an eternity, neither of us spoke. We just knew. I had picked up a blade from one of her fallen comrades and now wielded it to protect my life- and the life of my baby sister. We battled on for quite some time, our frustrated and pained cries rising above the chaos as the infestation propagated around us. Finally, I spoke first. I told her that we needed to leave. That this was no time for her petty honor-driven conquest. That Manya was in the ship above and that I was trying to protect my family on Terra as they escaped. Naturally she was reluctant, but in the end she realized we were both too injured to continue to both leave the planet alive. Her comrades were gone, save for one. Pahuitl. He was maintaining her ship in orbit, and he also happens to be one of the Flightless that raided the Warren... More on that later maybe.

In the end, she was convinced that my duty to my family was more important than her arrest warrant, and she allowed me to ensure that both Willow and Acacia made it off the planet. ... Their homes and places of work were empty: evacuated. I can only hope that means they were shuffled out in the early chaos. I've tried several times to hail them on the radio, but no answers. I'm not even sure it works...

I can receive the broadcasts, but no one responds to mine. I can hear the sorrow. I can hear the despair, the pain, the loss. Each person's hoarse, desperate voice begging for answers tells a different story. Begging authorities to check their receiving centers for daughters and sons. Children crying, regretful last breaths as ship systems fail.

In the end, I just couldn't listen anymore. Not after everything we've been through. I can't bring myself to hear the names of all those we've lost. I'm mortified at the prospect of hearing my son's name, or his mother's name. Or Alo's, Glauen's... Volare's, Sarah's. Anyone I've ever befriended, taught, loved. I can't handle that right now. Right now I have to focus on keeping Manya safe. Tenca won't be a threat as long as she's healing. We went our separate ways and we have a mutual agreement. Since I shuttled her and as many of her fallen comrades as I possibly could, she won't be attacking again for a little while. For now I have to spend my energy building a shelter for us. It's greatly difficult with a dislocated shoulder, but I can put together something rudimentary to keep us dry, at least. I've tasked Manya with collecting wild vegetables and fruits. Mindless toil. Something we both need to keep our minds off our situation.

Through all the pain and suffering, I'm proud to see her pressing onward. She's a powerful child. It brings hot tears of pride to my eyes to see her persevere in the face of adversity, and she's convinced me to continue on as well, in the face of disaster. Our new hideout is a planet that's host to a dormant volcano, atop which sits a natural hot spring. The planet itself is chilly, but the area just around the volcano is very pleasant. The springs are host to a peculiar type of algae that eats certain kinds of bacteria, SAIL informs me. They're not healing springs, but they're great for disinfecting wounds. This place is a perfect refuge for the time being. 'Hope Springs,' I've called it.

Tomorrow, I'll pick up the radio and see who made it out alive. I don't often pray. But I pray that you made it out, son.

 

The past few days have been a total rollercoaster. And not the fun kind. The 'holy shit my life is spiraling out of control and most things are on fire' kind. I'm still recovering from the absolute thrashing Tenca and the tentacle beasts gave me on the late Terra. So far I haven't seen her in person. She was in pretty bad shape herself. I did, however, see her henchman. The same henchman that raided the Warren with the Flightless radicals. I wonder if she knows about that?

Still no signs of Glauen, Alo, Sarah, or Willow and a few other unaccounted for souls. I really hope they're alright... I heard Annabelle was killed, so that's certainly going to destroy Sarah. If she doesn't already know, I'd hate to have to break it to her. As for Glauen... I hope he, Alo, and their chicks made it out.

Bork and the crew of the Coelacanth are still carting that superweapon around. So long as it's aboard the ship, Manya and I will not work for them. They're talking about using the power source to fuel a fuel extraction platform. I hope that endeavor goes well for them and that I don't have to hear about several of my friends being vaporized at once.

Volare is... well. He's healthy. Potent. Virile. He stopped by the Spring and we had a bit of a playdate. I was worried for him for a while. Something I did or said made him split in a hurry. But he returned to the Spring today and we talked through a few concerns. He opened up to me a great deal and I respect him greatly for it. It takes a lot of courage to spill your guts to someone. Anyhoot... I expect we'll be close for a good long while. He's a great cuddler; that's one of the most important traits I look for in a prospective friend.
I don't like men, but damn the way he touches me makes me shudder to my very core. Woof. Next time I need to remind him to go a little easier. Still, up to this point it's been a pretty spectacular birthday. Here's to hoping the rest of the day is as fruitful.