Why do we roleplay? It seems to have such a simple answer. We roleplay to have fun, right? Yes and no, honestly. A lot of us roleplay because there is some aspect of our lives that we are not happy with. Something that we want to improve on or see change in and want a medium where we can act that out without being stopped by social taboo or ill-confidence. Why did I play Julius? I used to tell myself that it was the fact that I wanted to learn how to write dialogue better. I tried to find some other excuse for why I would come on the server on a daily basis and play for hours on end. Back then, I didn't know my own intentions. I played Julius because I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be someone that people could like. It is no secret that Julius was an extension of myself. He was in over his head, socially awkward, often said the wrong thing at the wrong time, and a hopeless romantic. This was unintentional for the longest time because I was so new to RP. I didn't know how to be anyone other than myself. That very easily bled into Julius' character in pretty much every aspect. I would do things to try and get other peoples characters to like Julius. In real life, I have little validation of my own importance and I wanted to feel that, somewhere, I was important to someone. I wanted to feel like I had control of the situation. I wanted to be liked by those around me and, most importantly of all, I wanted reassurance that I was someone people could like. I hope this let's you understand some of the decisions Julius made. I hope you understand why I played him because it plays into the basic idea of empathy. Even though he was read differently, I played him because I wanted to be someone that people could like. I wanted to be able to fake confidence and get "the women". I wanted to be someone who would always do the right thing no matter the cost to him. Roleplaying is a way for us to be something we aren't. I used it to be both what I am and what I want to be. To some degree, we all do. Roleplay reflects our ideals for our life. Where is Julius now? He's married to a beautiful woman, has a stable source of income, and is living his life in bliss. I ended him with the happy ending because he was so much like me. I want to be happy just like the rest of you. It's why I played him the way I did. So how does this pertain to the server? Well, as much as I did it, I assume we all have done it at some point. We live the lives that we aren't allowed to by society. We play the parts we want to play instead of the ones given to us. We are who we truly want to be to an extent. Now, not everyone does this of course, but some do and that's enough to base part of this post on. That was only a small part explaining some of my motives. Now on to the server itself. A lot of you here either find me mildly friendly or hate me. I have dealt with a lot of animosity over a simple videogame. People seem to despise me at times when they really have no proper reason to. They lacked the empathy to see things from my view. I remember my early days on this server where people would meta violence against my character simply because they didn't like the little they knew of me OOC. Good times. Still, it was surprising that few took the time to understand who I was OOC and that is rather disappointing. Who am I? I'm Joshua Christian Wilson, a normal person like the rest of you who spends his days playing the videogames he loves. I have feelings and goals just like the rest of you, and yet very few of you know me. I learned a lot about empathy and compassion from a book I recently read by Orson Scott Card. I would assume that most have read Speaker for the Dead so I won't go too much into detail of the plot. Either way, it was surprising that a book could have such a great understanding on what it means to judge someone that you know little about. So why don't we all take the time to have empathy and compassion for one another? The answer seems simple, we don't want to know. We don't want to think that maybe the person we see as evil may not actually be a bad person. We want the vague bad guy that we can blame all of our problems on. We want someone to hate so that we feel better about our own motives. It is simple as that, we want to feel good for the things we do. We want justification that we are better than someone else and that the things we do are altruistic simply because they aren't the things that the person we concieve as bad does. It's not right that we do this. It's not right that we have allowed a game that isn't even finished to cause us all so much frustration day in and day out. It's sad that we sit around all day and complain about the simplest of things like school children. Half the people claim to be above eighteen when most don't even act the age they claim to be. Most lack the maturity to let things be and not let the smallest things upset them.
Hey, I know how you feel, I did stuff like this for the same reasons. I played on RP servers to enjoy being someone else, to fix things in my life and make it better and more interesting. But you may find what your looking for isnt on an RP server. I, am probably leaving. Thing is, its not anyone here, or the rules, its me. I have made over 20+ characters, many of which died, others reaching points where I dont even know them anymore. I honestly dont want characters to die. I want to develop a character, to make it better to help my life. But they die, and die, and die. As soon as I return, I make a character, he died today, due to oddly unforeseen circumstances, all honestly without my consent, but it went so far forward that I coundnt stop. He's dead. The day before, I made an avian cowboy, he died the same day. Characters dont live on when there heroes, they live on as comedic relief or jerks. Honestly, A character lives on if the public wants it to, they find ways to kill them, to let them die so they dont hear their words anymore. I answered a distress call, and heard it was dangerous. I had company and I way gunly armed. As soon as i came in, no time to react, acided to the face. Screamed, made it back to Taranis, and alot of people stood by and alot of them just wanted to kill me. Few people took me to a bed, and a doctor character showed up, and still I ended up dieing, because they ignored me. Give up, smell the roses, start a youtube channel. Use better ways to better yourself. For everyone else, I dont hate you, I dont regret my time here. It was fun. And im not stopping gaming. Not for one bit. Thing is... I dont belong here. Arrevoir.
Eh, I play over-the-top characters that I as a person would like as friends. I dont see much appeal playing someone I personally would not like. I guess Les Falchion is the closest thing to "me" in Antares. Even though he is a naive satanist. But I was a naive christian once, so I guess there's another end of the spectrum. Julius, you go too hard on yourself. Don't take it all too seriously. Sometimes I have moments where I get too involved and I have to sit back and remind me it is just a game. I would advise you to do the same. No videogame will let you escape from the realities of life. In the end it is just an outlet and not real. People hate your characters, so what? At least you made an impression. You are a dedicated roleplayer, I cant even imagine all the shit you had to plan for the ICIA. Even the Grey Hand was too much for me to handle in the end. (Well, I do have a job, and I do not have the energy after it, plus European time...) So well what I am basically saying is: Cut yourself some slack. I see threads like this pop up from you every once in a while, and the tenor is all the same in the end. Maybe take a step back and do not get too involved. It is just a game, in the end.
I think you just had a shitty doctor character. A major reason I don't play my doctor as much is because you people constantly stab one another and stuff. It's a never ending ride! I can't be arms deep in dying people all the time.
As for what Greymanz said, I'd like to remind everyone that death requires explicit consent. Auto-consenting only applies to injury. This is a clarification that needs to be made in the CoC.
I would like to point out that this spurred from the seeming hate of me. My point was that so many of you have this image of me as the server's Hitler that you never took a step back to realize that the decisions I made ot the things I did weren't because I'm some kind of evil deity sent here to make everything in RP bad.
I wish you and Alaystus could have been better friends. I really liked Julius, and I never understood people who didn't. Perhaps I just don't play attention, so I never saw the drama, but regardless, I never saw a reason to hate you, or anyone on this server. I just wish I could role play as people who aren't like me.
