(( These logs are stored on a terminal in the Taranis apartments, in a desktop folder. The terminal is password protected, but is always left logged in. EDIT: The files have been moved to a personal datapad.)) The feed opens on a young human girl, in a Taranis apartment. She sits on the edge of a bed, wearing a gray dress and a pair of goggles. The dress hangs flat off the bed past her knees, and she’s propping herself up with her arms, one of which is cybernetic. She looks into the video with reddened eyes. “So. I decided to start recording video logs last night, and… here I am. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing or what this is going to be, if it’s a diary, or a confessional, or just something to talk to. Maybe all three.” She pauses, thinking. The silence stretches for almost a minute. “I don’t know where to start. Lately it just seems like everything’s been going wrong.” She sighs. “Didn’t even introduce myself. I’m Kryssa Noskov, cyberdoc, and last survivor of Saule five. Well… as much as you can survive something like that. Maybe I’ll be able to talk about it in a later diary.” She laughs. “I don’t even know how I’m going to get through the day, and I’m making plans to record more of these.” She casts a quick glance over to a dresser on the other side of the room, murmuring something. “Well, I have to. One of my friends is getting married.” She brightens considerably. “I guess I can talk about that. So, my friends Katta Silverstream and Ray Beluga are getting married. In case you can’t tell by the names, they’re Hylotl. They’re… well, they’re a cute couple. He’s kind of awkward, and she’s… Katta, but it works. They’re really happy, and I’m happy for them too.” Her expression falls, and she sits up straighter, folding her hands in front of her. “They’re happy, and I really don’t want to ruin it. It’s just that I’m always so gloomy. I don’t know how they can stand to be around me, moping around. And then I do something, stupid stuff, like I get drunk. And then I keep drinking, so maybe I’ll sleep through the night without…” She cuts off abruptly, taking a moment to compose herself. “I need to stop. Stop drinking, stop moping, just move on. A year ago I’d slap myself, tell myself to pull it together and deal with it. But now… I want to fix this. Fix everything. It’s why I became a cyberdoc, to fix people. This… I don’t know how to fix this. I could put myself under a knife, give myself amnesia, just forget everything that made me this way, but then where’s Kryssa? Is she the body or the mind?” She barks out a short laugh. “Not that there’s much of the body left.” She falls silent again, looking at the ceiling. “I thought about… you know, earlier. Well, I know, and since I’m the only one who’s going to see these, it doesn’t really matter. But, uh… I wrote a note, but the words came out wrong. Made it sound like it was their fault, and it’s not. So I burned it, and tried again. That one was better, but I cried on the paper, and it was illegible. So I started tearing it up, but then I decided to keep it. Maybe as a checklist, of stuff I need to fix. I didn’t want anybody to find it though, so I hid it. It’s funny, though. All the angst and depression a nineteen year old girl with dead parents can put in a sheet of paper.” She brings up a small holographic display, checking the time. “I’m cutting it close, I need to make a delivery and an attachment today. Maybe working will take my mind off things. I’m going to make another log, maybe tonight, or tomorrow morning. If I’m lucky, I won’t have anything new to talk about. Mopey cripple, out.” She reaches over to turn of the camera, but it’s just out of reach from the bed. She edges off the blanket, and throws it over the camera. A series of metallic clicks can be heard, then footsteps. The log ends.
The log opens on the same room. The same person as before sits on the edge of the bed, idly kicking her sole leg out. “Guess what! I don’t have much new stuff to talk about. Which is good. Well, there was a strange AI or something, and it sort of went crazy. Ray, Aubrey, Laasi and I had to run, and I hurt my leg again, so I’m on some painkillers right now.” She flops backward, bouncing on the bed “I’m just kind of spacing out, thinking about my past. Particularly, last Christmas.” She sighs, sitting up again. “That doesn’t make any sense without context, so here goes. Last Christmas, my colony - Saule five – was attacked by Florans. A lot of people died, and more were taken. If you don’t already know what happens to Floran prisoners, I’m not going to tell you. Anyway, that’s the reason I have these.” She waves her arm and leg. “I might tell the story later, just to my friends. Just not until after the wedding. Maybe I’ll let them see some of these too. Not the first one, though. After the wedding, I’ll tell them. I can handle it until then.” She looks out the window, at the stars, for a long minute. “It’s getting kind of late, and I'm getting tired. Mopey cripple, out.”
The recording opens on a distant view of rubble by the Taranis inn. The view pans to Kryssa. She seems tired, and shaken. “An assault drone attacked today. The explosions and the gunfire woke me up. I went to help people, and it exploded. Half the inn is in a crater right now, and some people are hurt. I went to help, and I saw… I saw…” She reaches out a hand past the camera, and the log goes black for a moment. When it reopens, she’s sitting on the bed with red eyes, holding a glass. “People were hurt. But when I looked at them, they were people I knew. Katta. Ray. My mother. N-.” The log cuts out suddenly, like it’s been edited. The timestamp has skipped forward by over half an hour. She’s no longer holding a glass, but a bottle. She takes a hefty swig before talking, and when she does, her voice is hoarse. “This was a huge waste of time. Out.”
The camera turns on, showing the same room and the same girl. Unlike before, she’s grinning widely. “Hey. A lot of stuff happened today, and yesterday. Where do I start? Progress on Hughey’s leg is slow, but steady. I’ll have it done soon. Uhm… I talked to Katta today, and she asked me something unexpected.” She blushes slightly. “She asked if Aubrey Flak and I were a thing. We’re not, but it was just so abrupt. And she actually seemed a little disappointed.” She pulls a face, then blushes furiously. “God, I hope she didn’t write any-… Um. Anyway, I’ve been having a little trouble sleeping. Probably because I’m going through withdrawal. Which leads into my next point, that I quit drinking. Hopefully that lasts. I feel awful right now, and I can’t sleep, but I feel like things are going to get better. I just hope that feeling lasts. Mopey-… Noskov, out.” The log ends.
The log opens on a trashed apartment, nearly unrecognizable from before. A distraught Kryssa stares into the camera with red eyes, hugging a stuffed bear close. She begins to speak, with a shaking voice. “Yesterday…” She draws a deep breath, bracing herself. “I tried to kill myself. I said I’d wait, until later, and then I decided not to, but with what happened…” She chokes out the words, strangling the bear. “Ray’s in jail. He killed Katta’s brother. Except… brothers don’t do that! They don’t. Silkwater did horrible things to Katta, when she was younger, and then he told Ray. He just… snapped.” She stares at her feet. “Ray killed him. With a stun pistol. He just kept shooting, and shooting, and I tried to make him stop and he wouldn’t and he just, kept, shooting. Silkwater died. I tried to make Ray okay again, but then… somebody called the Order, and Ray surrendered. Why did he do that? Didn’t he know what it would do to Katta if he died? Why didn’t he run away, or stay quiet? Why couldn’t he just let me fix it?” She looks up again, staring plaintively into the camera. “Why?” She stays silent for a long moment, thinking. “I looked up, and Aubrey and John were there. They took Ray to the prisons, and he confessed. I tried to stay, so he wouldn’t be alone, but they made me leave. That was the point things start to get hazy. I ran home, locked the door, and got out a bottle. I said that I was quitting, and I meant to throw it out… I poured myself a drink, and another, and another and then I got out another bottle. At that point I remembered I was supposed to tell Katta where Ray was, so I went out to look for her.” Her voice catches. “I ran into Aubrey, and he was so… angry. He was right to be. He yelled at me, I can’t remember what, and I ran home again.” She looks away, clearly ashamed. “I bought sleeping pills a few weeks ago. I got them for my nightmares, hoping I wouldn’t dream, but it didn’t work. I was so upset… no. I’m not blaming this on emotions. I was the one who decided to take them all. I can’t remember much after that, but I remember calling for help.” She looks ready to cry again. “I was so stupid.” She stops, taking deep breaths. “I-… I can’t talk anymore. Not today.” She reaches over, turning off the camera. The log ends.
The log opens on Kryssa, several weeks later. Her hair is now back to its usual brown, but she looks heavily troubled. “Katta was kidnapped today by Outcasts. Ray had to give up everything to save her, and he did. And then. . . she refused to talk to him, she just went to sleep. He’s dying inside and she won’t talk to him, after he gave up everything for her. What did they do to her!?” Her expression slowly grows angry. “I hate them. And I hate Danny Saint-Ives. If I see him again. . . He’ll wish I carried a gun.”
The following entry is dated several weeks after the previous. [Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ********] . . . . [Accessing entry_1] . . . . I found my old logs. God, did I really sound like that? Less than a month, and I already hate the old me. Where to start. . . so many things have happened. Ray and Katta got married, and they've been gone for a while. I'm happy for them, but I miss them. Still, it's probably for the best that they've been gone. Let's see. . . Opportunity was attacked by the Blackleaf Floran tribe, the entire planet's overrun. I helped out as a medic there, at least until I was evacuated. I went back though. . . I had to. Sometimes, though, I wish I hadn't. I went looking for him, and the Blackleaves caught me. It brought back things I had forgotten, like Someone paid our ransom, and we got out, went home. I moved from Taranis, I have a small house now. It's in the north hemisphere of a garden world, I haven't named it yet. Still, it's cozy. Even more cozy now, since Alyx built a hot spring. I've been keeping my radio off, and staying off Starnet. That's slowed down my business, but it's nice, not worrying about Antares. I met somebody new, her name's Xymena Zimina? Ximina Ximena. She's got a Mk1 arm, that tends to need repairs it seems. I helped her find the parts she needed though, and she can handle her own maintenance (Finally, someone who can take care of themselves.) so I'm not really worried about her. My life's been picking up recently. I think that maybe I'll be comfortable wearing t-shirts in public again. As long as there aren't Floran around. Still, I've made progress. I'm getting better. I might eventually be normal. [Logout]
[Boot successful!] [User: Npskov] [Password: *******] [Error!] [Incorrect username or password!] . . . . [User: noskov Nokov Noskob Noskov] [Password: *********] [Error!] [Incorrect username or password!] . . . . [User: Noskov] [Password: ********] . . . . [Accessing entry_2] . . . . I'm om drugs rihgt now. still hurts. Hard to see. Got shot yestreday, punctured a lung. Hurts 2 brethe. On oxygen. Alyx is here. Thimk i lost contacts, evreythjngs blurry. . . . . I n h o s p i t a l. G o t s h o t. A l y x i s h e r e. T y p e m o r e l a t e r. . . . . [Logout]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ********] . . . . [Accessing entry_3] . . . . I'm feeling a little better now. I'm still on oxygen, but Alyx is here. Almost makes it bearable. Feels like someone put out a cigarette on my chest, even through the pain meds. Guess I've built up a resistance. I can't remember what happened, it's all just a blur. There were some faces I didn't recognize, and I woke up with a contact slip. I've been in here since friday night. I might get to go outside today though. The fresh air will be nice. Maybe I'll see Xi oh for terra's sake not again Ximena, get to introduce her to Alyx. In other news, I was looking for *cough* less than legal old-Earth media when I found a burst transmission. I've been looking at it off and on, can't make any sense of it. It's a list of words, and then some numbers. I think it's a message of some kind, and maybe the numbers are co-ordinates? I'll ask Alyx to take a look. At least I found what I was looking for though. T.V. show called 'Firefly'. They probably got everything wrong, but Alien was I'm going to end this, I made myself sad. . . . . [Logout]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ********] . . . . [Accessing entry_4] . . . . I'm out of the hospital, off oxygen. Stairs are still hard, and I can't run. I don't know if I will be able to run again. Julius re-opened the Den. It's colder than I remembered, my legs were starting to hurt when I stayed downstairs too long. A colony opened up called New Uganda. . . I lost it there, yesterday. Ximena invited me there for a drink, and then. . . The bartender was wearing a mask, but I could tell they were floran. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, the room felt hot, and-. . . I think Xi must have seen it, because she went ahead and ordered for me. A burger and beer, but it's the thought that counts. I don't really eat meat anymore, especially not ground meat (and never pork. Ever ever ever. Tastes too much like human.), but I tried it. It was awful. For a second I felt like I was back There, and then I just wanted to leave. But while we were walking out. . . Xi made a joke, there was no way she could know, it's not her fault. She made a crack about signing me up for one of the death fights there, and I panicked. It was bad. I hate being like this. I think. . . those people in the white suits, they mentioned they had psychiatric offices. Maybe I'll visit. Why are there so many floran? . . . . [Logout]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ********] . . . . [Accessing entry_5] . . . . I haven't felt like making one of these for a while. I'm just going to list important things. - Ximena died. - Micha was stabbed. - I'm going to start up a facility. - I've been feeling better, the last couple days. . . . . [Logout]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ********] . . . . [Accessing entry_6] . . . . It's pretty cold. Alyx and I have been snowed in for... 4 days? I can't get Starnet reception, and I haven't gotten a response on the radio. It's really cold. I've been sitting by the fireplace for most of those 4 days, trying to keep my limbs warm. Even with the alloy I use, temperatures this cold would be doing very nasty things to me. It's pretty plucking cold. Alyx is asleep, he's wearing his coat now too. [Saving...] The power just flickered. I don't know what I'll do if we lose it, probably freeze my other arm off. The roof is creaking too. Why didn't SAIL tell me about the storm? I could've been on Asani drinking something hot... I'm so cold. ... Something outside just exploded! I think it was one of the trees. I'm getting kind of worried. I hope someone finds us. It's so cold... . . . . [Logout]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ********] . . . . [Accessing entry_7] . . . . Why? Micha's dead. We were just going to.. Someone shot her. Just, bang. Because she didn't take off her shoes fast enough. Because of her stupid lip. Because I didn't stop him. My friends just keep dying. Is it my fault? I don't know. I just want to stop hurting. There was, a man. He says it's safe, I don't know. It's probably illegal, but... I felt good. I think... I'm going to see if I can find him again. Maybe this is the answer? . . . . [Logout]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ********] [An update is available!] [Update Y/N] > Y [Updating...] . . . . [Change password? Y/N] > Y [Enter new password:_] > ****** [Password changed!] . . . . [Accessing entry_8] . . . . These scars. These STUPID scars. Why do I have to deal with Floran? They're everywhere. Even the Outpost... One of them, Raz, I think, has been trying to talk to me. It thinks me being afraid of it is amusing. I'm not afraid. I'm terrified. I spent every second that she talked at me fighting memories. I... I went home, and... I had no choice! I had to. Just like he said. One pill; Bliss. I met someone at the Outpost. A decker named Acid. I like her. It's hard to understand her sometimes, but she doesn't seem to mind repeating herself much. I get the feeling that she's not supposed to be talking to me, though... Alyx brought up an idea the other day, about possibly moving to someplace a little warmer. I agree. That would be nice. . . . . [Logout?] > Y [Shutting down...]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ******] . . . . [Accessing entry_9] . . . . I'm still alive. Just haven't wanted to make one of these for a while. Something weird happened with Ray+Katta, something about time dilation. Their daughter, Aruana, tried to explain it. Yeah. She seems nice. She's stuck in a sealed suit though, I think she said it's because her immune system is compromised. Or something. Antares has been quiet recently. It's nice. . . . . [Logout?] > Y [Shutting down...]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ******] . . . . [Accessing entry_10] . . . . I visited one of the new core systems a few days ago. The Purity movement has been gettimg a lot of support. Enough that law enforcement on some systems look the other way. Scumbags. . . . . [Logout?] > Y [Shutting down...]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ******] . . . . [Accessing entry_11] . . . . I got fed up looking for Aruana on colonies, so I visited her house. And found out why she hasn't been out. She was molested. BY HER FRIEND. Some "friend." I almost wonder if I have to say that it was a floran. Some bitch named "Bay Leaf." I sat with Aruana, listening to her repeat what was said, and it was just... horrible. And it just sounded like.. like it was done JUST to be an unforgivable act. Some shit about "warning" and how dangerous floran are. So Aruana's been alone, in her house, afraid to... I left her alone. FUCK . . . . [Logout?] > Y [Shutting down...]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ******] . . . . [Accessing entry_12] . . . . Note to self: Don't break your tools. They're expensive and very very important to your everyday life. Which is why I'm typing this with one hand. Aruana's doing well now, we had a chance to catch up yesterday on Newer Gum. I think the most remarkable thing that happened recently was an electromagnetic storm. It messed a few things up, but it was nothing an hour or two couldn't fix. I might start trying to make these entries more frequently, maybe. . . . . [Logout?] > Y [Shutting down...]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ******] . . . . [Accessing entry_13] . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Why do I even bother? [Logout?] > Y [Shutting down...]
[Boot successful!] [User: Noskov] [Password: ******] . . . . [Accessing entry_14] . . . . I fucked up again. I don't even remember much. I think I remember pouring a glass (a small one, I'm not suicidal(intentionally)) and taking a few pills. I must've miscounted, because I woke up 4 days later in some core hospital. It seems that while I was under, they gave me a detox. Good news: I'm clean now. Bad news: I feel awful. I can't even stand right now. I'm still there, actually, and so is Alyx. He's asleep right now, so I took the time to make this. I I feel stupid. Alyx shouldn't have to babysit me when I'm drunk or high or whatever. It's not fair to him. It's just so stupid that I can see a bottle of anything and wake up hours later. I want to quit. Just stop. They say that it gets easier when you admit it's a problem. That's a load of crap. But the hard part is over, right? They gave me a detox, and the withdrawals are the worst; or so I'm told. I never actually experienced them... The doctors/nurses are nice, at least, they're not giving me the cold shoulder. A lot of people were staring, though, at my Work. I finally listened to Aruana and got it covered. Not all of it! Just my legs. People don't stare as much now; it's not that uncommon to have an arm done. I think the worst part is that I lost most of the weight I had put on. I was looking forward to not seeing my ribs in the mirror too. I need a job. Not what I've been doing, sending my designs to anyone who'll take them for cash. A real job, where I have to be there sometimes and actually work for a living. Not Katune, for obvious reasons. I don't know. I visited the freezer a while ago. It seemed like a decent place, but it was really cold. Maybe Aruana would let me work with her? I don't know how well I'd be able to help with her research, but I could make some modifications to the lab equipment. Wow. This looks longer than the last 5 combined. Actually, I'm going to do a read through... . . . . *sigh* Maybe this time I can go a week without blacking out. I'm going to end this, maybe watch an episode of knight rider. . . . . [Logout?] > Y [Shutting down...]
