*Les posting a video on his Startube channel, "TheDarkLordReignsSupreme. You see a blond young man with shoulder-length hair, blue eyes, clothed in a dark robe with patches on the arms that depict a goat's skull and a horizontally inverted cross. A scarf is wrung around his neck, close to the face, so that his chin is obscured* Hello folks! Gee! I don't know what to say here! I've been overwhelmed by the number of people I met after I set sail from my homeworld. Some have shown positive reactions to my belief, some did not. That is okay. We will all burn in hell for eternity anyway, suffering the incredible and shrieking, stinging pain of torture, digestion in satan's bowels, and more. Any horror you can think of - It is there. *He smiles gleefully, his eyes twinkling* So, in a sense, in death, we are all equal. The reason why I am posting this video is a simple question. "Why not become a Satanist?" See, there is no salvation. If you choose The One Up Above, you will spend eternity in servitude to someone that never cared enough about you to freely give will unto you in the first place. It is a robbed treasure! And a treasure it is. Satanism, on the other hand, encourages life. Ice cream, family values, board games, campfire songs, and the slaughter of goats. Also, the occasional summoning of a demon. Mine look like Pigs! Ain't that funny? *he laughs* Satan does not care if you are, well uhm... a Robot, or a Plant, or a Fish. Or something else. All he cares about is your soul. Your tasty, delicious, meaty soul. And you will go to hell anyway! The One Up Above is picky, and it is rumored his heavenly realm has been overflowing since eons! So why not choose Satanism. Choose Life! Because death is either servitude or painful freedom. *looks naively serious now* I know what I am choosing. *a shadow hushes over his face only to disappear quickly* Well! *his face is all lightened up and elated now* Until next time, folks!
Oh great, a "Theist" satanist wannabe. You guys are more annoying than fundamental Christians. ~Cateth Vesrii
Wow, try hard, who cares. I oncs wrote a medical article on cardiology, basics, hacked and stolen. I can do whatevee, u cant stop me, once a victim, now a perp - Syk0
Mute: Ah, the fellow from before. Here's that painting I was meaning to show you a painting The Line Between Madness - John Konrad's Last Work View attachment 2107
I'm pretty sure those kinds of beliefs were rendered invalid by the discovery of alien species. And, you know, the whole giant-tentacle-monster thing. - Johnson
*Les answers in the comment section of the video* I dig this painting. It really is something about the despair in the whole thing that gets to me! Mr. Floran, We don't sacrifice humans, just goats. But! The whole family comes together and eats the flesh of the goat at the satanic mass! Mr. Johnson, I am afraid that the universe itself has horrors unbound, if you just think of this place called "Heck" - I heard of it from drunken adventurers, and I hope to see it one time myself. It seems like the perfect place for meditation on the dark and twisted.
You guys are copying a Þorrablót not cool, man, not cool. Basically, we get this goat, kill it, butcher its meat, turn its blood to edible little squares with some chemical, and basically eat all of the goat, downing beer and celebrating February. It's an old Swedish custom that my father would drag me to every February. Also, if anyone wants to celebrate a Þorrablót with me sometime, just gimme a call. - Germany
I have nothing against this religion, however, the practice of blood sacrifice truly disgusts me. Primordus save your souls from damnation. -Vulcan
The universe will collapse into itself and we will all go back into the great before times, and not even Shakespeare or CocaColatm Will be remembered so what chance does you or Stan the big red man have? -Wavemaker
Satan exists in a realm beyond this universe! As for the custom, Germany, this just goes to show how long Satan has been working on our race with his fiendish hands. My home planet has a cloning facility for goats, they are A-okay herd cattle! We feed them with hydroponics until their time has come. They are essential to our belief, afterall. I have a bit of goat DNA on my ship to get one cloned whenever the time is ripe. So far, I have found no one to celebrate dark mass with me, sadly.
Alright then... figure any cloning facility would do but if you're only gunna be cloning goats might as well tailor your cloning facility appropriately. -Wavemaker
