I can't, sir, it's liquid.

Here you go sir. Here is all the pi in .000001 font. Shall I fetch a magnifying glass?

Butler, make me the ruler of the space and time.

 

Here you have, this lava is not upset at all

Butler, give me a magic wand.

 

Here you are; "Wacky Waldo's Magic Wand". I got it from Toys-R-Us for 99 cents.

Butler, fetch me your corpse.

 

Here you are sir, the corpse I kept in the closet.

Butler! Fetch me a black hole!

 

Here is your hole in the ground painted black sir.

Butler. Find me the end of life.

 

Would you prefer cyanide or arsenic, sir?

Butler! Bring me the sun!

 

Here is your glass of Sunny-D sir, the sun in every cup.

Butler! Bring me someone who has had no hardship in their life!

 

Very well sir, here's a big oil tycoon from Texas.

Bulter! Bring me the world largest statue wearing an even larger hat!

 

Here you have, an image of the world's largest statue with an enormous hat photoshopped in.

Butler, bring me your soul.

 

I brought you my entire Soul Music collection, Sir.

Butler, take me to Jupiter.

 

Right away sir, when would you like to leave for Jupiter, Romania.

Butler, stop world hunger.

 

Done. Now our planet isn't hungry at all and will not eat persons.

Butler, fail to bring me what I want.
Butler, give me all the money on the world.

 

I have donated all of your funds to a questionable charity.

Butler, bring me the key to success!

 

Here you have your key. Now you only need to find the lock to success!

Butler, bring me a cure for cancer.

 

Here is the cure to all cancer. It is made of cyanide. Dead people cannot get cancer.

Butler, bring me narrative contradiction.

 

Very well, sir. Here's the works of Uwe Boll.

Butler, destroy that ball of fire in the sky. I don't like the heat it produces.

 

I have unscrewed all of the light bulbs in the house.

Butler, I require the collective human consciousness.

 

Certainly, sir. I present to you: the Internet. Although, I must admit it's not very collective.

Butler, do be kind and fetch me wind wrapped in a paper.

 

Here you are, sir. A paper whoopee cushion.

Butler, grant me eternal youth.