Angel's Notebook

((is located in my room, so obviously is OOC unless someone sees. also is recordings. OOC comments are ok))

...All right, might as well start.
...I don't even know what to say, how 'bout that.
I know! Fiiiiiinally, some new recruits for the LK. I've wanted for so long to rebuild the legion, finally we can start again. I know it won't be the same without everyone, but dammit I have to try.

I mean, it's not like I have a choice or anything, but whatever. So, two new recruits in one day! I'm so excited. Maybe I can do something to help people for once. I mean, more people, not just me and the tribe.

Oh yeah. I got promoted to Advisor a few days ago, isn't that great? the chief must really trust me. I can't let her down, not at all, or it will happen all over again and people are gonna die.
I really need to act more professional, though. I try my best.

But anyway, I really need to work on building up the LK. I've converted my defunct space hotel into a makeshift headquarters, so there's that. I do have a plan for when we get bigger, though. And oh lord, what am I going to do without the rest of the council? I've never led a group by myself before. I don't know if I can. I don't want to ruin everything. I... I can't just let their dream die out. I can't. They won't let me.
So dammit, I'm going to build us back up to the glory days, and to hell with anyone who tries to stop me!

 

Ok, second entry. All right, let's see.
Er, nothing much happened all week, on account of me having space flue or something, I'm no doctor.
Well, I did design a new outfit in my spare time, based off old earth noblemen's clothes.
I made the mistake of dying it purple, though, and everyone thought it was a pimp suit.
... I about died of embarrassment.
Aaanyway, I recolored it, so it's all good now. I hope the chief didn't need me while I was away, I haven't seen her in awhile.

 

Wow... forgot I had this.
anyway, holy crap my faction has grown. I've got a base, tons of new people, a page on starnet, I mean this is really awesome.
Also, Anna, my... ah... you know, has been gone for weeks. Turns out she's a murder suspect. That's... rather shocking.
I mean, I hope it was a false lead or something. And of course Flora got cut up by some psycho out there, so that happened, which did nothing to alleviate my concerns regarding Anna's condition. But I haven't given up hope yet.
And, I've had a lot more success at being all outgoing and such, instead of just ignoring people.

Yeah, that's about it. Unless I forgot something, which probably happened.

 

...
I... I don't even know what to say...
I mean, that's my voice, right there, but I never said any of that...
I found this in my, er, his? old room in the tree... and... I mean... That doesn't sound like me.
what the heck was I going through? I mean, actually attempting to rebuild the LK without programming them first?
I mean, it's just disgraceful, and insult to the organization. And somehow it worked, which is even weirder...
Uh, anyway, uh, I went to Witherbane's funeral. I never knew her, but I must have been friends with her or something, and so were a lot of people. Uh, also... uh, other other me had a kid with her... uh... that was a shock... I mean... I'm not ready for this, and technically she's older than I am, if you don't count my time in the tank.
*audible sigh* My existence is pretty much an open secret at this point, I mean, it's out in the open if anyone wanted to check...
Even so, I think I'll keep my mask on for as long as I can. I mean, I've already seen a lot of people I've had to smash the hopes of when I told them I don't remember them... to see the hope die in their faces like that... I mean... it's more than I can bear...
*audible smashing of something* Dammit... why was I never updated...

So I'm going to try and stay anonymous, at least as much as I can... uh, being such a terrible liar. I mean, uh, it's hard...
And of course, Willow, uh, the kid, near got killed the other day by some bandits she wanted to stop. I tagged along in case I needed to negotiate, but I just lost some armor and five hundred pixels. But she learned a lesson about strangers, so there's that.

Oh, yeah, uh, I've been having seizures lately, since my muscles were all screwed up from floating in a tank for so long... have to be on medication for a bit...

uh, hmm.. also... Storm and the chief got infected with the new ape flu thingy. It's pretty bad. if it spreads more, well... uh... I've had experience putting down the results, so...

Uh, ok, I'm listening to myself, other me I mean, and it's really weird... I guess I'll update this later...

 

Well, this is going to be a short entry.
I won't be able to do much for awhile, going to a private clinic to get treatment for my broken legs.
Also... looks like my old commander is in this sector, trying to recruit people...
Personally I wish him good luck, but I won't get involved.
Anyway, that's about it.

 

...
...
...
It's soooooooooooooooo boring here.
I just want to head back to Taranis.
I mean, the people mean well and all, since I'm not used to my legs yet and shouldn't wear them out, but... Sometimes I think some of them are a bit nervous around me. I don't blame them. I mean, the larger percentage of the Floran population is a bunch of crazies, so... I guess we could have made a better first impression...
Anyway, I guess I've been doing well. I might be able to walk on my own if I keep going at it. Won't be running any marathons any time soon, though...
and it doesn't matter anyway, since I have to be isolated in my suit because I got Floran ape flu...
Hmph, now I've gotten myself depressed.
Welp, only one thing for it.

*the audio diary is left to run out of power, and during the meantime you hear the sound of cat videos being played several feet away*

 

Welp, unless something bad happens, I might be able to head back soon.
The clinic was a nice place to get my head together, sort some things out, but right now I just want to head back home.
Well... I have been keeping up to date with current events.... from what I can tell, it seems like there won't be that much of a home to go back to....

 

*The device turns on, and Han's voice seems excited*

Five days! less than a week until I'm out. I can't wait to head back home.
Oh, pssh, I'm to excited to just stay here and talk, I'm gonna walk, yes walk, around the building or something.

*device turns off*

 

...I've been thinking...
When I get back, I want to try and find out the details of how I died. I mean, you could call it a bit obsessive, and it probably is, but I really want to know. I think it will give me some closure.
*his voice trembles a bit*

know one knows what it's like, being what I am.
No one knows what is like to wake up in total darkness in some vat, knowing with absolute certainty that somewhere in time, you screwed up, so monumentally that you had to essentially start over. And you don't even get to know who or why or anything.
*his voice rises. filling with bitterness*
I see assassins around every corner. Every time I go out all I can think of is how easily I get killed again. I'm not the person I was.
I've been reduced to some frightened whelp, jumping at his own shadow. I hate it. I really, really hate it. But people don't seem to understand, they're all like, you have a second chance, good for you. No it's not, it's hell and I hate it I hate it I want to die-
*while he was talking, his voice has steadily become more and more hysterical, until he eventually starts ranting and raving, becoming nearly incomprehensible. Eventually he runs out of steam, collapsing and falling asleep. The recording is left to run out of power*

 

Well... this was an awful way to come back.
It's been a few days since I left Ailanthus. I've been on my own.
I found some people nice enough enough to let me stay their place.
*sigh* I have no idea what I'm gonna do with myself now. Guess I could help my father with his plans...
nah, I shouldn't get involved. I really need to focus on recovery.
That Floran lady was right, I am useless. I allready am on the road to curing my disease, but I need to start walking again, and maybe gain confidence or something. Anyway, that's all I guess.

 

*his voice sounds broken*
Sharp is dead.
...I guess that Floran was right, I am useless.
*the recording stops*

 

I hate this so much. It seems like I'm losing all of my friends. John is insane, Sharp is dead, Storm is depressed, Vivian was on the verge of tears when I told her the news, Firechaser may be a psychopath, my daughter is missing, and I am recovering from a bomb blast. I feel like shit.
You know, I would have killed myself already, but my programming doesn't let me self-terminate.
well... maybe I wouldn't... I did meet this nice guy... I think something good could happen.
*he gives a single sob*
If I survive that long anyway. I've had more brushes with death than I care to count. I am afraid that one day I won't be able to escape from one. I don't want to die again, I really don't. I've been trying to live up to my promise, that I won't do anything stupid, but things keep happening anyway I just want it all to end I can't stand all these free people they're all so irrational and it's driving me mad. How do they deal with all the choices they have to make each day, living without an ingrained purpose. It's crazy. And they call me a monster. I am happy the way I am. I mean, I'm still a person. I'm no different than others I can still think and feel and love and all that stuff it's just sometimes I'm told not to and I don't but I always end up feeling those things again anyway. Why does all this happen to me. My original had friends, money, a company, someone he loved, a family, a real purpose. Almost nothing good has happened to me though why does my life have to be the opposite of his why do I have to be the one who is beaten, crippled, plagued, mugged, hated, exiled... *he rants and raves some more, finally giving into sleep. His sanity slips ever lower*

 

*this particular entry is locked. unless you know the password, you would not know it existed*

Oh my. well... looks like Angel's been through a loooot since the last time I checked up on him. I mean, whoa.
I... haven't been active recently... now that the kid's actually having fun and not being all repressed and boring, I'm not needed as much. Don't even know why I'm doing this, really. Normally if I can't mate with or kill it, I lose interest rather quickly.
I guess... I feel like I won't really be needed in the future. I'll help him out from time to time, yeah, but I think he's starting to actually get the hang of things. Heh, never really thought it'd happen. I guess I did a good job, then?
well, that's about it for this silly thing. I'm gonna go back to sleep.
oh... one more thing... kid... I know you won't read this, but... I know it's bad. Hell, I was there for most of it.
Change is the one constant in the universe, so it has to get better, right?
So
Don't you dare die.

 

*in this recording, one would hear nothing but bone-chilling screaming and hissing, and the sound of objects being thrown about and broken, then the sounds of sobbing, fading away into a restless sleep*