I'm tired of just keeping my thoughts in my head. I'm going to write down stories or whatever people call them these days just so if someone finds this binder, I'll be able to talk about how I feel. Anyways.. I'm a wolf now. So that's a start.. God damn writing while hung over is no fun.. Either Franz or Omen got me drunk. Most likely Omen though.. These pills Storm gave me help dull the pain. But for how long? God damn I'm lonely.. Only me and my guns... Well time to clear my mind and repaint my armor.
Today was FUN sarcastically.. Fought Spacechaser after him been missing for quite a while. Used the blueprints on the retractable shield that Gareth gave to me. Made two of them, one for each arm, and fought a duel with them. I used my knife once one of the shields got broken, then was left down to only my knife. Thank god I landed a slash across his face that tired him out. I seriously can't believe I lasted that long in the duel, I was tired out physically and mentally. Later went to Wolves Den, talked a little bit with Gareth, got a new book to read in my low times, then left. Went to repair my shields, knife, and the holes in my helmet that was slowly melting my Ferozium. Once I was finished I went back down to Wolves Den to find out that Var'uun was talking with a woman, struck her, which spiked my curiosity. I thought it was going to get ugly so I grabbed my SMG and held it down, just in case. A man decides to put a gun to my back, we talked a bit. He asked if I was with Var'uun and called us both thugs for picking on her, I had nothing to do with it so he let me go before Var'uun caught him.. Apparently Var'uun has been causing trouble. Maybe I should have a talk with Nox about it. Anyways, finished the book, wasn't that good, was about a Hylotl adventurer that got stuck and died on a planet that was frozen. Sounds like something i'd do to someone I would hate.. So got a new book, time to read it then head to bed.
Before I hit the nest going to write a little.. Omen got high on something called "stickers" and I have no idea what that is and I don't want to know. I took it as a joke at first, screwing around with Omen. He took a water bottle and threw it at Gareth's leg suspecting the water to 'burn'. Took him to my ship since the Floran I would pay to kill and hang his head on to my Shelf, seemed like he was going to kill Omen. Once I got Omen to my ship, tied him down with the help of Gareth, then everything went down hill from there.. Still need to find Raoul to work on the "Sister Fister", if Raoul worked on the ship without me. I am not going to be happy.. Also listening to Omen's chirp made me laugh. After that all went down, went back to Wolves Den to see some people trying to go against Flora's beliefs. I didn't really take kindly in to it.. Can't they just let others do what they want and not to worry? Yes the group made some good points and so did Flora but my point still stands, just let the girl go and let her do what she wants.
Lots has happened that I am not willing to write down for I fear I will break down again.. Starting on a mining facility for an asteroid field. Have the basic schematics in my data logs so I can access them at any time. Basic materials been laid out and I just need to get Onyx Root's opinion on the materials then I can start building the base of the facility. I'm wondering if I should create an external or internal unloading port for the mining drones.. Most likely an external port so it is easier for the crew. Got some antidepressants for a very close friend is dieing dead.. Taking two a day since one pill didn't help for the while. Storm said that we were friends.. Hell this is my third friend now. I always call people acquaintances, not so much as a friend.. I've been hiding under new clothing while I fight the depression so people can't see my struggle.. I will make it through it, just don't want others to get involved unless I need them to.. Well time to get back to work.
While i'm still sober to read, going to write down before I forget the important notes of today. After spending ages listening to the conflict between Mars and A.N.I, I felt like complete, and utter, shit. Went to Storm to get some knock out meds and frankly, they worked really nice. Finally slept after a good two days of constant work and struggle. Now I fear I am going to do it again.. Went to Wolves Den to find that Gareth is leaving for a trip to somewhere I forgot, and that it badly impacted Omen. So I went to talk with him, went on for maybe an hour before two Humans came in with very slurred accents.. I was about a feathers ways away from filling them with my Armor Piercing rounds. Took Omen to my ship to find that Nox had to pull us back down for something in the Black Market. Apparently they threw a Floran in a cell and needed info. Man do I LOVE interrogating. If only did Magnus lock the cell door after I went in, I could have done it without him escaping and making a run for it. He ended up becoming my PERSONAL CAMPFIRE while he tried to run. Had to call back up for him trying to run.. Other than that, Nix is going to live, which I am very grateful for. She also got engaged which I am even more pleasant for. She's going to marry an Avian named Sparrow. But she doesn't know if they're going to go through with it? I didn't get what she meant by that, but I acted like I did.. I need to look into marriages more. Been also thinking of a lot.. I want to regain my memory, my memory that is just a deep darkness kept away from me. I want to know my mother, and my father, and how the hell I got this damned suit and all these weapons. There has to be something behind it all, and I want to find out what it is. Need to wait for Gareth to get back as well, if he can help the man who is aiding me on creating an artificial brain, it will lower the chances of my death.. But it still doesn't stop the chance of me having another 'black out' of my memory. Where my life story will just repeat, all over again.. God damn it why do things have to be so fucking difficult...
-the name on the side of the binder would be changed from 'Handerson' to 'Varkun'- Finally got my name changed. I can now avoid the terrible and wretched puns from Malkov. Chose the name I his with since I actually like the name. Going to need to remind most of my acquaintances about my name change. Also got a promotion from a pup to a 'Maverick' for the Armored Wolves. Still need to finish the facility though still need to get the dimensions of the mining bots so I can create the ports. The Crew Quarters are finished once I add on the cafeteria. I enjoy building, especially in space where I'm left with my thoughts. Speaking of projects, started one to train pups and to see how they confront a Holy Fleet member, made a replica of their armor from a red cloth and tin that I spray painted a gray, need to make sure every pup knows to escort Holy Fleet members out. I also dye my feathers to make it not look like me, but there's a chance of me getting hurt which is good. It trains me as well. Now time to go to sleep and then continue on the space station.
-a small printout would be pasted on a sheet of paper. The paper would have been filled in by pen with really neat hand writing- New Personal Best for: Time without sleep New Highest Time: Three Days and two hours. Achieved on: 5/31, 4:32 A.M. Achieved at: Storm's Ship Personal Thoughts: Never. Again.
