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Dear Starnet! [Violence...?]

Discussion in 'Archives' started by TAP123, Apr 21, 2014.

  1. TAP123

    TAP123 New Member

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    -A video recording file can be viewed. It would start up with a black screen and then would materialize, a table and chair would appear in what looked like the inside of a space ship, indicated by a window that had a good view of the star-ridden vacuum/void. A man with short green hair would show himself by walking into the screen and standing just off to the side. He'd begin to speak, his voice sounding hoarse, but it seemed intentionally so.-

    "Hello everyone. I know you love your entertainment and you love videos so I decided to make one of my own. I must say... I'm tired of seeing so many torture videos and kidnap videos and, well, horrendously bad edited videos that are uploaded on Starnet. So I have a demand to make. Stop feeding into these videos, and stop giving them so much attention, or else..."

    *The man would leave the frame for a bit and would return with a plate, on it was an alien steak. The man would place the plate on the table and would leave the frame once more to return with a steak knife, a military dagger, and a fork. He'd promptly set the silverware down and would leave once more to return with a napkin in hand, which he'd set along the collar of his shirt, like a bib, before taking a seat. Looking at the camera once more, he'd speak*

    "I will cut this steak. Badly. It is like you, meat of the universe, I hunted it myself, and boy will I enjoy this... I know some of you might not like this. I'm going to reassure you right now, you have a chance of saving this steak, or well, half of it. The ransom for it will be 900 10k voxels, or 9,000,000 pixels. Upon paying this reasonable amount I will leave the steak, what's left of it, at a location that will be disclosed at a later time."

    *The man would pause for a moment, forming a devious smile*

    "But hurry. This steak doesn't have long..."

    *The man would then take the steak knife and fork, proceeding to cut a piece of the steak and placing it in his mouth. He'd proceed to do this for about a minute, slicing into the steak like a maniac, carving the meat off bit by bit. He'd humorously mimic a voice for the steak, as he cut up bits of the steak and started chewing on it, he'd mutter in a quite squeeky voice "Oh no- *chew chew* the pain! *chew chew* help aaaah!" before taking the napkin up to wipe his face and slamming the military dagger into the steak, leaving it there. The man would look up at the camera once more, smiling, trying to look maniacal or devious in nature.*

    "Starnet, the clock is ticking"

    *The video would cut to black*

    -END VIDEO-

    Video produced and edited by Sai.
     
  2. JacobKram

    JacobKram New Member

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    [​IMG]
    *Encrypted as R34P3r*
    Clap, clap.

    Finally an intelligent creature in this galactic ocean of idiocy.

    I'd be willing to pay 9,000,000 pixels if I had any just to join you in eating that steak.

    Alas, my wallet is empty and, so too, my stomach remains as well.


    The least they could do is demand a reasonable price.

    Holy sh*t.
     
  3. Doctor Frohman

    Doctor Frohman New Member

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    Made me chuckle.
    You know what you should eat next?
    Salad.
    - "Unity"
     
  4. Iridium616

    Iridium616 New Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    #4 Iridium616, Apr 21, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2014
  5. Serena's Pikachu

    Serena's Pikachu New Member

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    -Terra-
    Just.. 10/10. I applaud you in your ideals against all consumable beings.

    Funny thing is we can all be eaten..
     
  6. FFPLEASE

    FFPLEASE DANK MEMES

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    Please, don't hurt it.
     
  7. Pie4Pigs

    Pie4Pigs Bleach Connoisseur

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    Alright, am I the only one getting tired of your stellar commentary on everything I try to read? You don't even sound that smart. Sounds like you're racking your mind to come up with a single complex word. Quit it.
     
  8. JacobKram

    JacobKram New Member

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    [​IMG]
    *Encrypted as R34P3r*
    lolololol im so srry im not vry gd wih undrstnd

    i <3 <3 <3 ltting ppl go on bleving stopid stuff

    Are you kidding me?

    I wouldn't have to post such "stellar commentary" if people would get a clue to begin with.

    tl;dr

    93T 900d.
     
  9. The Grand Mugwump

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    ((Landpunch))

    Meat is meat. And meat is dumb. Try get 900 10k voxel from meat, but eat anyway. Floran wonder why more meat not try save meat.
     
  10. -Luke-
    ...Oh...Oh...I can't...breathe...
     
  11. Corvus

    Corvus New Member

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    STOP COMMENTING ON EVERYTHING YOU SEE!
    IT'S ILLEGAL YOU BASTARD!
    AGH!
    -Corvus
     
  12. Lavinda

    Lavinda New Member

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    God damn it Sai.
     
  13. JacobKram

    JacobKram New Member

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    [​IMG]
    *Encrypted as R34P3r*​
    Help.

    I'm bad.

    I jay-walk and pull the "do not remove" labels off of mattresses too (they're just so annoying!).






    Please don't arrest me.
     
  14. Narfball

    Narfball narfball

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    (( Alex ))

    you fucking prick i'll find you and i'll kill you, eating that fucking steak like that who do you think you are
    bastard
    just kidding i lost my shit when i saw this
     
  15. Corvus

    Corvus New Member

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    Okay.
    You need to promise to meet up with me, though. You seem like a cool dude.
    I don't bite.
    -Corvus
     
  16. TAP123

    TAP123 New Member

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    What he said...
     
  17. JacobKram

    JacobKram New Member

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    [​IMG]
    *Encrypted as R34P3r*
    Hm.

    Hmmmmmmm.

    Hm.

    Maybe.
     
  18. GuardianPotato

    GuardianPotato New Member

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    I almost re-broke my beak watching this. I mean, how stupid can people be?! -Felith
     
  19. Grifter

    Grifter New Member

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    DELETED
     
    #19 Grifter, Apr 22, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2014
  20. GuardianPotato

    GuardianPotato New Member

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    Except you know, I had no mom. At all. Only a sister, so yeah. Nice one. And if you want to make a joke about me not having a mom, don't waste your energy. -Felith