*you hear a beep and then an audio file plays* *the voice of shellton is audible (voiceover by narfball: http://k007.kiwi6.com/hotlink/s77bqehxcb/Vocaroo_s0D7BBC2IDst.mp3 ) So.... where to start? Well, I guess I'll say my name is Shellton. Hey. Shit's been going on and I've decided to record it. To start it off, not one but TWO people I know have recently died. *sarcastic 'whoohoo'* One of 'em, K, had a video of his damn brains being shot out of his skull by a revolver posted on starnet. Fuck that Molren guy. More sad things, uh... Sat's been upset now. He's dating Ria now or he's not I'm not sure it's confusing. Happier things... well, Izzy and I are still a couple... I haven't been hit by a meteor recently.... Oh! and we're building new stuff. Well, this has been a stupid audio log by Shellton. Cya. *boop*
[Narfball: https://instaud.io/17v] *BEEEEEP* *loud tapping* Ok, I think it's on. Hey, Shellton again. Here to talk about more weird shit going on. Starting off with good news, the tunnel system's done and it's fuckin' awesome. Bad news, my friend IronTide, who's some Hylotl android thingamajig, had his programming reset by some asshole named Mortimer. After hours of shouting commands at the android, we got him to be reset. What's cool, is that he only follows Sat, Izzy and my commands. This was great and all, but Sat had to make it weird 'n shit by calling it our kid and making mom & dad jokes about Izzy and I. Long story short, both of us freaked out over the weekend. *heavy on sarcasm* Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuun. Hopefully things calm down and we get used to having IronTide around. We're trying to corrupt his files and give him free will again. HOPEFULLY that works. hopefully. *chattering in the background* Well, I gotta build 'n stuff. Until later.
[Now with more Narf: https://instaud.io/17w] *BOOP* Hey, whoever is listening to this. I'm a bit drunk, so it's time to get philosophical and shit. Let's start at the beginning. My home. A small slums on the Hylotl home planet. This is where I lost all-- most of my family. I recently found out that my brother is still alive, and I'm helping heal the people in his town before I go home to Izzy... Damn, I miss her... Anyways, my town was raided by Florans. I was, what, eleven? It ended up with a Floran holding a knife up to my mom's throat, my dad dead on the floor, my brother watching us from the other room, and me... Holding a gun. I was so fucking stupid, I was a goddamn idiot. *sniffle* I-I had the gun aimed at the Floran, but I was too FUCKING STUPID TO SHOOT! *pauses for a few seconds, you can barely make out the sounds of crying* My mom laid dead on the floor... And the look on my brother's face... Hatred, fear, sadness, the list goes on. The Floran left after that. Not after cutting a chunk out of my fin and laughing, though. I was sure my brother got killed after he ran. I believed he died hating me. That, on top of all things, ruined me. I put on a smile, after years on my ship practicing looking happy. I met people, even fell in love with one of them. That still didn't change shit. I still hated myself for what I did. But recently, I talked to my brother, and after what I did, he forgave me. I still have my regrets, but I now feel... Happier? Ehh... I just... Don't hate myself. I didn't know that could happen. I haven't told anyone about this. Should I? I don't know... *sniff* I should end this before I get too emotional. *beep*
[You know what this is: https://instaud.io/17x] *beep* *cough* Holy shit, these are depressing... Time to talk about normal stuff, then. To start it off, I'm driving my brother back home. He was just visiting, and Sat scared the shit out of him. Speaking of Sat, he and Ria want a child. Ria thinks Shadow's gonna be the one to /actually/ get her pregnant because, yknow, Ria's an Avian and Sat's Floran. I'm not so fond of having kids myself, but good for them! *pauses* Oh! I just moved in with Izzy. Now I can feel less guilty when I use her kitchen to cook stuff. Izzy seemed pretty happy when this happened, and I think I am too. Anyways, I gotta fly this ship, so bye! - Shellton
*BOOP* [eyy click this: https://instaud.io/1h5] *sounds a bit tired* Note to self: Try not to fuck everything up. Recently, life's been a roller coaster of emotions. Sai, who's been banned from Opportunity, came back. He asked me and /forced/ a few other people to surround him so the security didn't shoot him. My friends and Izzy hate Sai, mainly because he pointed a gun at Ria's head.... But the gun wasn't loaded! I know Sai has his problems, but it's not like everyone else is perfect! I stayed with Sai while Ria and Izzy argued with him. I was silent because I wanted to hear the facts, and stayed next to Sai cause... I dunno. Long story short, everyone was mad at me. Izzy freaked out and cried, Ria slapped me and cried... and Sat. Sat was sooo pissed. I don't even wanna talk about it. Anyways, I'm living on my ship for a while since Izzy temporarily kicked me out. Speaking of, she got a bit drunk and came over to my ship a bit later... Then Nate showed up... We got really really drunk, and uh... let's just say all three of us woke up in the same bed in the moring. Jesus, never again... /never again/. Cya.
*beep* Okay, a few things. First off, Izzy's not pregnant. Second, Nate ran off to rebuild Avalon, but he'll come back soon cause we need him. Finally, a rant. *cough* I realized I'm not that important. Sat owns a colony, Ria's a parent and security of a colony, Izzy is communications for the colony. I've lived on Opportunity longer than Ria and Izzy but I'm just not needed. All I have is an empty clinic and an empty desk in security. What am I even doing with my life? I'm nothing special, just a small, unimportant fish in a big big universe. I gave up on medical school, nobody even needs me as a medic. I slack off on security and don't know why I'm not fired... Nobody really needs me for important things... I wish I was something though. I wanna be known as that that guy that does important things, not that guy that slacks off and drinks beer all the time. Why can't I be important? Nobody relies on me to do things, I have no real purpose to serve... Even when I'm needed as a medic, I screw up all the time. -pauses- Now I know why I don't have an important job... Cause everyone knows I'd mess it up! I don't deserve to have an important job or be known by a buncha people. I'm an alcoholic wreck, that's why.
*bippityboppityboop* Heey, I'm a bit shocked to say this, but things recently have been... calm? Err... not as messed up as usual. Yeah. Ria and Sat have their egg, Izzy and I are sobering up, Nate's back... I like this. I actually feel /happy/. I probably jinxed it though... Whatever. For now, everything's peaceful and I'm going to enjoy it. *long pause* Oh! We're slowly figuring this whole IronTide situation. That mortimer dude is controlling him in a way, but Iron is trying to track him down. I reeeeaaallly hope it works. I wanna punch that asshole in the throat. And the balls. And the nose. *pause* I wanna kick that guy's ass. But, uh.. That's most of the interesting stuff that's happened recently. Things are finally looking up. Is that really it? I'm surprised nobody has died or gotten shot. Dumb shit like that usually happens. Wait. Oh yeah. I talked to Izzy about stuff and think I'm gonna try and contact Mosstress again, cause apparently she's a therapist? I never knew. Speaking of Izzy, some person sent an old picture or something to her with an encrypted signal. What the hell. We talked about visiting her old planet, but we decided we're probably not gonna do that. So, uh... that's it. I'm pretty sure.
*shaBOOP* I'm totally hyped, my birthday is soon. I think there actually might be a party... Jeez, I haven't had a party for over ten years. Hm.. anything else happen? Oh yeah, I went to Liberty Mills. Surprisingly, I didn't die. Some dude actually gave me around five hundred friggin' pixels. *pause* He also gave me some horrifying advice. Like how easily I could get screwed over by being in a relationship, and how everything can just go wrong and I'll be all depressed... Whatever. I'm just gonna try and forget that entire conversation happened and enjoy the free pixels. *sigh* Later.
*familiar boop* Hey, so uh... Hangover's finally wearing off, so I can get on the computer to record another one of these. Something's been bugging me quite a bit so I've decided to just talk it out. *pause* I have realized that I don't think very highly of myself. I never have, and don't think I ever will. I'm not sure if I really want to tell anyone, but Izzy told me that Moss is a therapist so I guess I should try and contact her. Antidepressants just don't seem to be enough, y'know? I try to be happy and all, but I just feel a bit... empty. Seeing Moss is probably a good idea, seeing how I don't want any of my friends to know. I think I'll try and contact her soon. I'm really starting to get worried. My mood seems to slowly be getting worse. *sigh* Oh, I might as well talk about my spawning day party as well. Only Nate and Izzy showed up. Iron at least left a present, but I had no idea where Sat was. I guess Izzy just decided to get me totally wasted to not realize what a shit party it was. But hey, at least I /got/ a party this year. *cough* Got some presents, too. Sadly a fucking horrible hangover was one of them. So, yeah. That sums up the last few days. Shitty, but kinda good in a way. Hell, that sums up my life, really. Like I said, I don't think highly of my self. At all. *long pause, then you hear a faint voice in the background* Where are those damn antidepressants...
*booooop* Hi. I've been talking to Izzy 'bout thing to do about the whole depression thing. We decided I should try an play guitar or something to distract myself. We'll see how that works. I really hope it does, cause I don't wanna get back into stuff like self-harm again. That was awful. Wish me luck, I guess? That's about it. Cya.
*aww yiss, boop* Wow... Been a while since I've made one of these. Lots of stuff going on, so this could be a long one. Recently, I met this girl Lunetta. She was a bit shy and timid at first, but she's slowly becoming a good friend. We talk a lot, and I've told her things I'm not sure I've even told Sat and maybe Izzy. She's somebody I can just... talk to. So yeah. Lunetta even got my my new lizard Iggy. Shadow ended up fracturing the poor lizard's back! Most recently, Lune helped me out with a hangover. She ended up texting Izzy for me. Now I'm gonna have to talk to Izzy about it soon. I'm hoping she doesn't get too mad... I was half asleep, and... Ugh. I just hope she doesn't get too worked up about it so that she can focus on the whole trip she's planning. I may make more logs later, but now I just need to sleep. That was a /really/ bad hangover.
*booop* *sounds fairly tired* It's been a while since I've done one of these. I guess I've been distracted with lots of stuff. Izzy's on her home planet helping her sick for who knows how long, opportunity seems more and more empty every day, I have a job in a hospital and I'm so worried I could hurt somebody, and so much more... When Izzy, Teddy and I went on that trip to her planet I got to meet her parents, which was pretty cool. I especially liked his dad. He and Izzy's mom both bugged us about marriage and stuff like that... That though has kinda been sticking in my head for a while. Am I gonna get married? Do I want to get married? I guess we've been together for a while... Whatever. I'll have some time to think about it before she comes back. Still trying to stay away from alcohol and smokes. Weird thing is, the hospital I work at in New Chicago is funded by a cigarette company. Heh. Just though that was funny. That's enough rambling for now. *voice fades away a bit* Gotta go see if this hospital has that one brand of anti-depressants..
*beep* Empty. Boring. There's a lot of words to describe life recently. I talk to the pharmacist, I talk to Julius, I talk to Shadow, but I still feel like I have little to no social life. Lune, Sat, Ria... Don't talk to them. They're just not around anymore. Have they just lost interest in me? That happens a lot. That's probably it. At least Izzy still talks to me. That really helps. Every time I try to make friends.. *pause* I could go somewhere new. Force myself to talk to people, make new friends. Hopefully they'll stick around longer. Maybe they'll have time for somebody like me. I mean, I have a job now. I could get a house in some big city and start new! I could change myself, be a better person. Who says they have to know about my past? I'm glad I'm recording this... This could work.
*beep* First of all, that's a bad idea. It was like 2 AM or something when I thought of that. Second of all, I got completely wasted last night. Shadow and I said it would only be two drinks, but... one drink always leads to one more for me. Best I can do is not tell anybody. I have a god-awful hangover and my ship smells like cigarettes. Some febreeze and painkillers might help this all vanish? At least for other people. Anyways, this was probably a short one but I though I should say it.
*BOOP* I'm an idiot. Why did I buy a flamethrower. Why do I even exist. When have I ever made a good decision? Why am I so stupid? *there would be a loud slam, as if he slammed his head onto a desk* I've got burns all over me and a hole in my ship. I'm starting to wish I had just died in the fire.. I mean, I haven't got much to look forward to, do I? Izzy will be pissed once she finds out all this shit I've done! I'm just a filthy fuckin' drunk again. I have two or three friends I still talk to, and at least one of them just seems disappointed in me. My life isn't really worth living, now that I'm thinking about it. I'm the universe's punching bag, I can't go a week with out getting severely injured! What's the point in that? The answer -- There's no point. Nobody needs me. I'm practically useless. Maybe I'll finally use the scraps of courage I have left and off myself one day. ...I-I guess I should tell a friend though? But I guess they wouldn't care. Who knows.
*beep* I haven't left my ship in ages. I don't know what to do with my life. I don't want to leave my ship, I don't want to talk to anyone, but I still wish I had company. I wish Izzy was here. I don't want to call for a friend, but I still want one next to me. What's there to do? Obviously, I can just stay in my ship. My ship is safe. I didn't lose my leg on a ship. I didn't get hit by a meteor on a ship. My life wasn't ruined by a ship. Who needs friends, anyway? Hell, who needs to live? Not me, but my mind wants me to stay alive sometimes. I don't know. I feel helpless, worthless, pained, tired, and I don't know what to do. I need help. I should see a psychologist, a therapist.... but that didn't work last time. They can't help me. Nobody can. But I wish someone would try to help. If they actually knew, that would help. But who can tell them? Not me. No hope.
Talking with Izzy has kinda helped with this. But at the same time, not really. I haven't been telling her everything. I don't know what she'd think if I just messaged her saying "so yeah, I'm mentally unstable and can't control my drinking whatsoever". But I really want to talk to her. I'm just conflicted, y'know? ....... No you don't know, I'm talking to a god damn laptop. Maybe I could release these files to everyone. That'd be fun to watch. Anyway, I'm just being difficult as usual. Shadow gave me another one of those really long pep talks that makes me feel like shit, but inspired. I tried to make friends yesterday. Somebody took my job, pretending to be me cause he thought I was dead. My ship seems like a nicer place each day. I need somebody to talk to. Maybe Shadow can still help. He's the only friend I have physical contact with anyway. *long, dragged out sigh* I don't know. Maybe I could just show Shadow or Izzy these logs and they can magically find a way to fix me.
