Dearest Diary- It has been a long time when I was last able to pour my heart out onto paper like this, and though you may not be the pink, plastic-gem encrusted monster that I once had as a little girl and left with my parents to read through and remember me by, I believe you and I will become just as good, if not better friends. I must say that I am already in love with you, you're lovely scented leather cover with a blue ribbon in the spine to help me keep place, a lock to the book to help keep out unwanted eyes... Yes, much better than my old one that my mother had broken into countless time and teased me about cute boys on the street. Where to begin... Let us start with my first arrival in this sector called Antares, the Antares Frontier. I came here aboard a four roomed Avian flightless carrier that had landed on my home planet to help find and 'enlighten' fellow kin of my race. Though, as though on the subject, they were most likely trying to find some poor Avian like me to lure in with hopes of salvation in the crime-riddled city and just shove them off a tower. Well, they left the hatch open and marched out to the nearest pub near the landing pad to go start their mislead crusade... And as you may well think, Diary, as a girl that has had her fair share in snatching a few pikes, and once a small delivery ship, I just couldn't help but climb aboard this little blessing from some unknown possible-nonexistent god, goddess, whatever. Sneaking aboard, I took control, closed the hatch of the seemingly new cruiser and was off! I didn't know where to go though, so pulling up the travel manifesto, I saw one place marked as: "Dangerous, avoid unless ordered to proceed or at your own expense.". Seeing how I had just stolen a ship from Avos itself, I couldn't stay in any normal sector! I had to be off and flee, and what better place than this? I was a strong girl, I thought, I could do it! Well, I did Diary, and I flew all the way to Antares. Upon my arrival, I knew I had to get rid of the ship, so I offered it up as scrap, mostly, something that everyone could do with a ship. To be honest, I don't think many other races enjoy the prospect of gem-flown ships. .... This is when I made my first friend, made my first mistake, and lost my first friend in Antares. Bork. (There is a very well drawn picture of the frog himself on the next page. He filled up the entire right half, standing tall with a charming smile, a green Hylotl. Some writing was on the left before having to go to another page.) He came to me, on the threat of beaming to someone's ship of someone he did not know and possibly being mugged. I told him what I wanted to do with the ship... But i was too stupid, I got stupid, I let that stupid stupid side of me out... I went way too fast with him, I poured my heart out to him like... Like I sued to do when I used people. I sunk my talons into him and used him, milked money from him subconsciously with... With that "Charm" I got from a... A job I used to have. I'll tell you some other day, Diary, it's too much for me right now to write it down and see it on a page... I... I made that joke about how I used the same thing on people, and the whole facade came down on me. The facade i didn't even know I put up. It was... He hated me, he was broken, he thought he made a friend with this stranger and I took his heart, his damn beating heard out with my talons and crushed it in front of him. I fucked up so bad, Diary, and I have this horrible, horrible lingering foreshadowing feeling that I'm going to see him again... I'm going to see him again and I'm going to try so hard to try and reconnect with him and he's only going to turn me away. ... He gave me the pixels, and I felt like he didn't do it to buy the ship. I felt like he did it so I would go away. Well.... Money in hand, I had to live and bum on this fucking icebox called Freezer. Horrible, horrible living place. It was fucking cold as hell, I had to retreat to the bunker when I felt like my eyes were freezing solid just from beaming down! Though, that might be because I don't have all that warm clothing and armor like everyone else has, damn them. There, it was filled with close to a dozen humans, a Floran here and some other race's visitors. Well, there, I met this human female. Named Ana. (Another picture, this one took up a whole page. This one seemed a bit more... Chaotic. It showed Ana standing atop the bar table, pointing at something with a fierce look in her eyes and a mad smile across her face. Again, very well drawn and shaded. Her words were on the neighboring page next to it.) Ana was... A interesting girl, to say the least. She approached me like any other, just simply walking up to me and asking why I was sleeping on the couch. I told her that I was just kinda bumming there for a bit, and she asked if it sucked. Which, yah, it did. I felt kinda... Threatened, by all the male soldiers there. I heard how barbaric and beast like humans could get when alone with a bunch of men for a long period of time, and as much as a fantasy-come-true that is for some woman... Well, I am not 'that' kind of woman. So, Ana sat down with me, she had this strange accent that she clarified was German, a human people that once lived on Earth. I gave her my apologies, but she didn't care because she wasn't born on Earth. Well we sat there for a few hours, talking, and she was simply... A energetic oddity, if I must say so myself. She was bombastic in her personality which swung from this calm caring tone to this energetic frenzy. We swapped stories, for the second time telling someone other than my family my old job and life- I know Diary, I need to stop being so trusting- and she did the same. I learned that she was actually a human Orphan on a multi-raced colony, whom grew up and loved causing trouble in town because, as she admitted, it was the only attention that the adults in the town would ever give to orphan. The orphanage mistress actually named her Ana for the abbreviation of "Anarchy". I would have been scared if it wasn't for how wise she could be in one moment and then... Well... Bubbly the next. Wise and calm, bubbly and energetic or just completely mad. (The next page was filled with small little cartoon drawings of the duo and their talks. The one at the top most blank area of the page was Ana behind her hugging Blue, whom seemed surprised and rather flusted as Ana grinned silly-like. Another to the side was somewhat of a boob-chart, Ana sporting... A impressive display with various numbers and letters with question marks scratched in to the side- mostly 42dd???. Below the Ana-Torso boob-chart thing was Blue, whom was cartoon-icly was hunched and crying with a arrow pointed to her chest labeled " FLAT, DAMNIT! ------->". The rest was just odd half-complete faces and chicken scratches.) We eventually got onto the topic of me getting a custom ship soon, I wanted the most nimble space fighter in all of the Frontier, one that I wanted to boast "Could outmaneuver a homing missile!". Ana actually turned out to be something called a Black-Finger and a Grease-Monkey, she could work on ANYHTING in a ship. So, when I got Blue-Tail L-1, she tinkered with the boosters and- Well, I haven't tested the missile-dodging potential... But I certainly bet it could. Well, after the horrible night mare that was the Freezer was almost over, I met... I met another person, the third person I poured myself out to... I know, Diary, I need to stop doing this shit. But it WORKED OUT! I met this red Avian who... Who- Oh my gosh, Diary, was SUCH a stud. His name... Was Haystacker. (The next couplet of pages, side by side, sported two drawings. The one on the left page was a detailed cartoon-heart with a sash and a arrow around it. The sash had his name on it, and the arrowhead was shaped like a heart.) (The second picture was a Avian male, standing tall and proud in a decorated loincloth and weighted, studded shoulder-guard/bib thing, both red like him. He had a insane amount of detail and shading for a pencil drawing, his muscles easily described as... Packed, under his feathers. To sum up his body type well, he was clearly a warrior/guard bird. Even his eyes looked... Loving, smitten, staring off the page and to the owner of the diary.) I have to tell you more about him, Diary, tomorrow or some other time though, I found the time to write when he was out and guarding and I was moving some stuff around in the apartment. I'll give you details soon though! (Fancy Burb writing) -Bluejay ((I kept typing Ta'lone here and there, shit I hope I didn't embed that somewhere in the writing QwQ))
Dearest Diary~ Today was... A longer day than normal. I felt like I needed to write about all that has happened in the last few weeks. I know I don't visit you much, but still, good to let my thoughts out onto some paper. Well, weeks ago, I was able to start up Bluejay's General Store. I really didn't want just MY name to be in there, but after some talking with my love, Haystacker, he made the point that he was going to continue guard duty and... Well, he didn't give me a reason, just wanted to guard. I'm fine with that, I never wanted to be the "Waa waa listen to be because I'm the one you love" type of girl... I don't need two people working in that shop anyway, I guess... I don't know, I kinda miss the flirting and nuzzling that brought us together, the sweet flirty stuff... Only really get to hold eachother now at night, and sometimes one of us gets home so late that we can't even stay awake to talk... I'm happy for him thought. He found his calling, though I don't like that possibility that some jackass with a gun could take him away from me... He'll be fine though, surely, he's strong. Next on the list was... God, Diary, where do I start on THIS? Well, it was when I was having an egg, and, well... My hormones I think got REALLY out of control, like, it was bad... At first, I was just trying to work when that STUPID bulge came in, the one that shows you're like, late into egg formation, and being as... Well, with my figure, not sure what to call MY figure it showed. Well. I had to hide behind the counter and make SURE I didn't stand up, I didn't want people assuming that I was having a child that wasn't Avian... It's just a periodic thing... Well, back to the topic of me having my hormones out of whack, I saw Haystacker and... Goodness, I couldn't help but feel like, a FLAME GO INTO INFERNO inside me. I started refining EVERY detail about him: his looks, his muscles, his hansom features.... It was safe to say that neither of us slept well that night. Days later, with discounts I issued daily, people just kept pouring into my store, the market was untapped and PERFECT, like, why didn't I think of this sooner?! I'm making more than even Max! My balance, after giving Max his share... Is 1843 pixels. In ONE weeks of work. It's AMAZING. I had to work MONTHS for that kind of cash back on the shit-hole of a planet, now I made that in a WEEK. Goodness I want to spend it, BAD, but I can't, we need it for... Something, something that will come up, surely. Moving on through the days, I actually had to... Erm... Well... Where to begin... God, I hope Haystacker doesn't find this, this is going to be hard to explain, I only saw him once. (There was a detailed drawing of a black Avian, Gust, whom seemed off-center and drunk... Also, naked.) I attended two funerals in one today, a Glitch warrior and Gust, whom I met only once by accidentally looking into a bathing room and looking upon him... They both died, apparently, protecting a group of Grounded that was under attack by Flightless. I didn't know either of them well, if at all, but many people turned out for their funeral. The Glitch was burned with his belongings, and Gust was buried. Something scared me though, something that bugged me as I sat there and watched... I... Well... They talked about afterlife, A LOT, and... I just don't know what happens when the lights go out. I'm scared that it's nothing and I'm living in the now. It is almost maddening how it is... They said something about the Aether, and how rightious Flightless are granted wings to fly beside Kluex, and how Grounded turn into rabbits wanting to fly... Then the Glitch, a haven of immortal drinking, eating and fighting. I personally never knew what kind of afterlife I was going to. I never liked having to follow a religion anyway, it just seemed so restraining. You can't drink, you can't curse, you can't do this and that that prohibits normal life in the frontier. Some of it is understandable, like rape and stuff, calling it 'sin' or something along those lines, but no drinking?... I don't drink, but if I ever did, I want the option to. Doing all this, I want to like, soul-search or something... Also, on that day, I was trying to help Alo see that murdering Flightless wasn't just the answer to avenge the fallen, that it would only bring despair, she got angry and said "That the Flightless would ignore me because I'm more human than Avian."... .... I... I don't know WHY it hurts so bad to even think about that... Losing my racial identity maybe?... I mean, looking in the mirror, I can tell I'm an Avian, but... Well... What if no one could see me, and I didn't have very obvious speech patterns? Would they be able to tell who I am just by LISTENING to me?... I don't want to go all like, Identity-Crisis, but damn it's looking that way... I can't be all that bad, surely. Haystacker loves me for who I am, so I'm doing SOMETHING right to snack a traditional Grounded hunk like him... Shit, I never got to start on Haystacker?... Later, tomorrow, promise! (Fancy Burb writing) -Bluejay
Dearest Diary~ Well, as promised, a bit late, I get to talk about him... where do I start? (The first picture was a bit more modest this time, besides the clear fantasy of a woman drawing a super-hunk. Haystacker depicted in the drawing shows pride in his stance, wearing his traditional gear. His stance signals endurance, his stare determination. This one was not shaded very much, but still great detail. Writing was on the page beside it.) Gosh, it seems like ages ago, though it seems like that mostly because I'm such an airhead. I can't even remember specifically how we met, like, the actions leading up to it all. When I first met him, I admit to being curious rather than scared. He seemed, and still seems, like a hard working Flightless warrior from his wear, though he was Grounded. I met him when I was kinda at a low, just like... Thoughts of giving up and going home, back to the life I lead... I didn't want to go back, those lusting eyes, the hungry souls... I just didn't want to, but it seemed like I was going to have to. I was scraping by back then, but what kind of life would I get involved in if I continued working that damn club? Whoring? I didn't want to be that, I didn't want to become something I hated. These thoughts tortured me until I just... Met him. I remember our first little flirty interaction. I was being so silly... (There was a picture of a table, under it, two Avian pairs feet, one black and the other shaded lightly, the darker being smaller, seemingly entangled with eachother. From the crotchplate/loincloth thing, it was obviously Haystacker that was the bigger pair of feet.) We were talking, I can't remember about what because I was just having such a good time being able to forget about the weight of the world- No, UNIVERSE on my shoulders... When I talked to him, I was enveloped in interest and curiosity. I can't remember what was said, but I remember kicking him teasingly... He kicked back... I kicked back... Next thing I knew, I was holding onto my seat and leaning back trying to fight his feet with my own. I looked like such a child, playing footsie with someone like him under the table... Hell, I still get confused as a teen with the way I act. I remember him trying to keep a serious face but showing hints of smiling... I was giving all sorts of giddy, happy sounds, tweeting and giggling. It just seemed so... So right. I felt warmth creep into my heart, but in a good way. Later down the road, we got to talking and meeting up again, and... Spontaneously, we decided to get a room together. NOT like nesting, Diary, but... We did move in... God, I rushed it, WE rushed it so bad, but I can't describe how VIVIDLY it was like some child's story... I was some lonely princess out in the world, holding on to some hair-thin thread and hanging over the abyss before he came along and pull me up... It was like MORE than love at first sight, it was some inner kinship between us that was stronger than that... But I did something, something that was so... So different, but so GOOD... Normally, Avians wouldn't be able to kiss like, almost EVERY other race, hell, Even Florans lick eachother... Our most sensitive thing is preening reachother. But I remember what a anonymous poster said when I asked on a site, went by the alias "Song". She told me that she found a way with her own lover. (The next few pages was almost like a flip book... The left page was filled with the two being close to eachother, Blue nestled against Hay's chest, looking up to him with caring eyes. It was only a sketch... The next one showed Blue standing on her talons, Hay lenaing down slightly as both of their beaks spread slightly. This one, again, was a sketch... The next one though showed HOURS of work. It was Hay and Blue again, but Blue was standing on her talons, her hands pressed against Hay's chest, Hay himself was bending down... Their heads tilted in a way that let their agape beaks slide together in some sort of Avian kiss. The drawing was incredibly shaded, and even some little cartoon hearts drawn around the couple... God, this was looking like some sort of princess journal.) That... Between all we have done together, I never felt more alive and complete in that brief moment of connection. I relished it, swam in the river of warmth that flowed into my soul... Never in my life had I believed in the afterlife, let alone gods... But there had to be something magical in that work, something spiritual, because it was some blessing I'll never be able to thank some unknown force for. I want the fairy tale to continue, Diary... I want to see where this is going to go. I want to do SO MUCH MORE with my life because of him... I feel his compassion to help others just RADIATING from him, and I want to do the same... I might not be big and strong, but I want to change. I want to eat better, take turns cooking for each other those yummy, healthy meals. I want to work in his footsteps before joining his side... But most of all, I want to make sure that I see him home again in that bed, every morning and every night. I'll do it, Diary. I made the fucking promise to quit being a stripper and a thief, I got off that planet, I marched into the light of a better tomorrow... I'm going to start tomorrow, I'm going to make not only hay proud... But my Mom and Dad. Thanks for listening Diary. I can always count on you to be here. (Fancy Birb writing) -Bluejay
